abusedchildshortsty

   It's 6:00 am. Time to get ready for school. Not because anyone woke me but because I woke up in time on my own. With Mommy working at night, I know the only way is to wake up on my own. Daddy won't wake me. He hopes I will sleep late and miss the bus. Then he makes Mommy angry at me and he tells her I was lazy and I would not get up. Then he will drive me and say nasty things and put his hands on me.
    But not today. Today is a good day. I woke up early today because this is the first day of third grade. Mama said I get free breakfast at this new school if I don't miss the bus. So I hurry and get dressed.
    I am glad it is still warm cause I had to give my coat to my sister. It got to small for me. Mama said if she can't get me one before it gets too cold, I will have to wear hers. I don't care, I just don't want to be cold.
    I hope everyone sees how pretty I am in my new dress Mama bought me at the Family Dollar Store. It is so pretty with little apples on it. She really wanted to get some new shoes but she didn't have the money. So instead, I put Clorox on an old rag and scrubbed my old shoes. They look new now.
    I am brushing my hair and I hear someone. I know it's not my older brother or one of my sisters. I know it's Him. I pray to myself, "Not today, don't make me miss my bus today. The first day is so important."
    Daddy comes around and says, "You ain't going nowhere till you get your high-faluting self in the kitchen and make me a cup of coffee." He runs his fingers through my long blonde hair and says, "Don't forget your Daddies girl and no one else's." I jerk away and run into the kitchen. I set the old pot on the stove and boil the water and make the coffee and take it to him in his bed. I am walking very careful as to make sure not one drop is spilled. "Don't give him reason," is what I always tell myself.
    As he reaches to take the cup I step away and go grab my notebook. As I reach to open the door he asks why I am going out so early. I say, "I'm excited and don't want to miss the bus." He says, "Go on then."
    I stand at the end of the driveway waiting for my bus. Finally here it comes. I get on. I am so nervous. I feel myself shaking inside and I pray no one can tell. The driver seems nice. He smiled and said good morning. I just smiled back. I find it hard to make words come out when I am shaking on the inside.
    I find a seat and I feel safe now. Then I start remembering one day last year Daddy didn't want me to go to school. I ran out and got on the bus and I thought I was safe. Three stops later he told the bus driver we had an emergency and got me back off. So the bus is not so safe. I watch out the window to see if he is following. 1 stop...2 stops...3 stops later, no sight. Okay, I can stop shaking now.
    Finally we're at the school. Someone is telling us we only have twenty minutes left for breakfast. I run so fast I feel like my feet are not on the ground. I make it. Wow! Pancakes and sausage and milk and orange juice. I feel so happy. Everyday I will get this if I don't miss the bus. I am gonna be so good at school and at home. I will get up early everyday so I can have all this. I like third grade.
    I eat everything and put my tray away. I ask the lady by the door, "Where is Mrs. Johnson's third grade class room?" She walks me to my class. I count how many steps. It was real close so if I was late I could still eat and get there on time.
    I see the list on the door. There's my name. Then I feel a soft touch on my shoulder. "You must be???" Before she could say anything else I reply, "Yes, that's me." Mrs. Johnson says, "Well, go find you a desk and take a seat."
    When the bell rings Mrs. Johnson closes the door and sits behind her desk. She smiles and says, "Good Morning boys and girls. I am Mrs. Johnson. Welcome to my class."
Then she begins to call role. One by one each person says here. She matches a face to a name. When she calls my name I don't answer but I raise my hand. Mrs. Johnson looks up and smiles at me.
    I know now when I grow up I want to be like Mrs. Johnson. She is sweet. I see it in her smile. She has shiny long blond hair and pretty gold metal glasses. She is smiling at me and she nods her head as I put my hand down. I am to scared to let noise come out. Why is it so easy for all those other kids to talk? Some of them get in trouble but not me. I sit real still and listen to everything Mrs. Johnson says.
    Now she is telling us we need to get our paper and pencils out and do the math problems she will be doing on the black board. I open my notebook and go up and sharpen my pencil. But I only do it after I see other kids go first. Then I sit back down. I went ahead and sharpened both of my pencils so I wouldn't have to get up in front of people again.
    I start writing real fast. I am glad the math seems easy. I know I am getting them right. Then one of my pencils rolls off my desk and onto the floor. Before I can bend over to get it some little boy grabbed it up. He put it on his desk and sticks his tongue out at me.
    I only had two pencils. Mama said, "You get two in case you accidentally lose one so take care of them and don't waste paper either." Now I got only one. If I lose it I got to borrow one. Why did he take it? I hate him now. I am so scared that something might happen to my other pencil. He has a whole box full. Why did he get mine?
    Now Mrs. Johnson is calling on people to come up to the blackboard and do the math problems. I pray to myself, "Please don't ask me to come up their. Please!" And then it happens, she calls my name. I can't hold it back any longer. The anger at that boy for stealing my pencil and then the fear of everyone watching me. What if I get the problem wrong? It doesn't matter anymore cause now the tears start and everyone is looking and that stupid boy calls me a cry baby.
    Mrs. Johnson comes and takes my hand. She takes me to the hall and asks if I am hurt. I say, "No." So she asks, "What is wrong honey?" I tell her about my pencil and how I only have one more. She tells me to go in the bathroom and wash my face and them come back in and sit down.
    When I come back in Mrs. Johnson starts telling the class about manners. About how important it is to ask permission to borrow things that aren't yours. How you should never take anyone else's belongings without their permission. She talked about how some people aren't as wealthy as others and don't have as much.
    Right then I started to not like Mrs. Johnson so much cause she was talking about me. She was saying I was poor. Then that little thief leaned over and whispered, "I'm gonna get you for telling lies on me you poor cry baby."
    I was shaking inside again. The bell rang. Some of my class including me went next door to the art room. That little thief didn't go. I was happy again. After a few minutes I stopped shaking inside. Then the art teacher had some students hand out construction paper and scissors and crayons. I know I can't draw but I love art class so I draw flowers. They are easy to draw. Today is just a fun day in art class.
    The teacher passes out a paper and says, "Everyone needs to have these supplies by the end of the week." I read scissors, glue, crayons and construction paper. I know mama can't buy these things so I start trying to figure out what I can do. I decide I will lose the paper and that will give me more time.
    Finally the bell rings for lunch. I am so happy. I love to be at school and eat. There is laughter every where. But I don't think it is fair that they sell ice creams cause only the rich kids get them. Us not rich kids never have ice cream at home or at school so I don't think it is real fair.
But today the lunch lady made a mistake. She put a double dessert on my plate. What a great day. Someone in line behind me say's, "Are you the favorite or what?" I smile but I am smiling real big inside thinking of myself as a favorite.
    That kid in the line behind me sits by me for lunch. I talk a little. She is funny and knows funny jokes. I laugh at her and I see a big scar on her arm. I am staring and she said, "My Mama did that to me when I was five. She burned me. People took me away and now I have a Mama and Daddy that don't hurt me." Her name was Lisa and I said, "I like you." She said we will be friends and sit together everyday. I smiled and said, "Okay."
    I wondered if I might some day get a good Daddy. One who didn't hurt me if I did something wrong. I knew one thing though and that was I would never say this out loud.
Lisa's Mama might have hurt her but I bet she never told her she would kill her. I wonder if Lisa's Daddy ever hurt her or her Mama like my Daddy does to me and my Mama? No, I bet her hurt is not like mine. Maybe that's why she got taken away, cause people weren't scared of her Daddy.
    My last class is back with Mrs. Johnson. She talks to us about what foods our body needs. she shows us a film of a family. They have breakfast, lunch and dinner. I start to feel sad wishing we had food like that at my house. I wonder about Lisa with her good Mama and Daddy. Do they have food like that? I bet they do. That's why she laughs so much. I smile thinking about Lisa's jokes.
    After the film Mrs. Johnson says, "Okay, your homework for tonight is to write down what you have for dinner and dessert. I wish Mrs. Johnson wouldn't force me to lie but I have to. I refuse to write down left over beans and cornbread and water. I already know I will write down what I saw in the film.
    She shouldn't do that. She will probably want us to all read them. I already feel shaky inside thinking about reading my lie out loud. Maybe tomorrow I won't come to school.
No, I have to so I can eat breakfast and lunch and sit with Lisa. Well, right now I don't know.
    The bell rings and it's time to go home. I have to get on my bus in time. I know from last year, I missed the bus one time and we had no phone so my principal took me home. I got in so much trouble. No, I will never miss my bus again.
    My bus driver smiles and says, "Good afternoon." I smile back and find my same seat. I sit very still and quiet all the way home. Some kids keep getting up. Finally the bus driver raises his voice. I jump. The kids sit down. I wonder why they can't behave. Now we are slowing down. We are almost in front of my house. We stop and as I start to get off the driver says, "See you in the morning," and he smiles. I nod and get off.
    As I start down the driveway I only see Daddy's truck in the driveway. I wonder where Mama is at. I hope she didn't go to work early today. I really could use a hug. I love Mama so much. I hope Daddy is in the back yard or the woods. Please, please don't let him be in the living room. It's so nice, I don't see him anywhere. I'll put my notebook under my pillow so no one takes any of my paper.
    I don't see clean clothes. Mama said she would wash something for me for school. Maybe she has them hanging on the line. I'll walk into the kitchen real quiet and look out the back door.
Oh no, nothing on the line. No clean clothes any where. What am I going to do for tomorrow.
I hear the front door screen creak open then close. I take a deep breath then I go out onto the back porch. I see the clean clothes in the washer. Now it's to late to hang them up. They'll never dry in time. I look through and find a pair of pants and top. I hang them over the fan in the living room. I know they'll dry now.
    At first I wasn't sure who was in the house but now I know it's Mama because I hear the radio in the kitchen. She calls out for me to come hang the laundry while she starts dinner.
I run into the kitchen and hug her. She asks me how my day was. I say it was really good. I feel the change come over me. Mama is here. I feel safe. I feel happy. Before I go to hang the laundry I ask Mama what's for dinner cause my homework is to write down dinner.
Mama laughs and says, "Well, I hope they find fried hot-dogs, scrambled eggs and cornbread as interesting as I do." I run out back and started hanging the laundry while I tried to remember the food in the film so I could write it for my homework.
    As soon as I finished with the clothes, Mama said wash some dishes for dinner. I did and then we ate. After we ate I wrote down my pretend dinner. I even said we had chocolate cake.
It's funny how no one mentions Daddy when he is not home. Not even Mama. Mama warms up some water on the stove and tells me to get my bath as she dumps the warm water in the tub.
I just stand there and Mama asks me what I am waiting for. I tell her I don't know and Mama leaves to heat some more water.
    I get undressed and jump in the tub and bathe real fast. Then I put my clothes back on and run out and say I'm through. Mama yells, "I hope your clean." I say, "I am."
I couldn't let her see me without my clothes. I don't want her to see that last night when she was at work Daddy came and tried to get me out of my bed. He kept touching me. He wouldn't stop so I screamed. It woke up my sisters and made him mad so he pinched me real hard on my leg and stomach. It looks all black now. I don't want Mama to see cause Daddy said if she knew, he would have to hurt her. Tonight Mama don't work so I can sleep and let Mama get me up in the morning so I can start this all over again!

Written by Susan Kesegich - 2001

   The story you have just completed is only one day in the life of an abused child. If every abused child only had to endure one day like this, and a day without sexual abuse at that, the problem would not need anyone talking about it. But my life and the life of millions of other abused children last much longer than one day and it may include sexual abuse, physical abuse and mental abuse.

   You can learn how I survived through the most troubling of times by reading my book, Twisted Roots of Evil. You will feel the emotions I felt, the fear I lived with, the pain I endured, and the courage my entire family showed to escape from this madman who also happened to be my biological father.
   I want you to see how I lost my childhood, how I married someone just like dear old dad, and how I almost took my own life to escape the pain.
   But I also want you to learn that with caring people getting involved, I was able to survive. You will see that by getting involved you might be able to help save a child.

   I have enclosed several pages of signs that signal child abuse and statistics that show the severity of the problem. Read and learn the signs and make every effort you can to reduce the statistics.
   Unfortunately child abuse and domestic violence never lasts for just one day. It is a trap the victim is in and it takes a long time to escape. I hope this short story opened your eyes to the problem and that you will read my book, Twisted Roots of Evil and learn how you can help.

SIGNS OF CHILD ABUSE

   Remember, no single item means there is abuse present. Usually there are combined symptoms and signs.
      -Disclosure by the child (very rare).
      -Excessive masturbation.
      -Sexual acting out with other children.
      -Bedwetting & soiling (after potty training).
      -Nightmares.
      -Abrupt change in behavior, uncharacteristic anger, isolation or withdrawal.
      -Age inappropriate knowledge of sex.
      -Constantly talks about sex.
      -Constant vaginal discharge.
      -Physical evidence (very rare).
      -Venereal disease.
      -Difficulty walking or sitting.
      -Sleeps too much or too little.
      -Depression, crying over insignificant matters.
      -Fear of bathroom.
      -Fear of a certain person.
      -Excessive crying.
      -Exhibiting violent behavior.
      -Wearing many layers of clothing.
      -Bleeding in vagina or anus.

7 STEPS TO STAMP OUT CHILD ABUSE

   -REPORT suspected abuse or neglect. Inform authorities if you suspect that children are being harmed. Your concern may mean that children are protected from an abusive environment.
   -ADVOCATE for services to help families. Communities need comprehensive services that address issues which affect families. Parenting programs, health care, and housing needs are vital to maintaining healthy children and families.
   -VOLUNTEER at a local child abuse program. Parent support groups, crisis centers, and hot-lines are typical programs that often welcome volunteers. Check your telephone directory for the names of agencies in your area.
   -HELP A FRIEND, NEIGHBOR, OR RELATIVE. Someone you know may be struggling with parenting responsibilities. Offer a sympathetic ear or a helping hand. Assisting occasionally with child care or offering to locate sources of community help can be a tremendous boost to someone under stress.
   -HELP YOURSELF. Recognize the signs that indicate outside help is needed. If you feel overwhelmed, constantly sad, angry, or out of control, get help. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
   -SUPPORT AND SUGGEST programs on child abuse prevention for local organizations. Kiwanis Clubs, PTA, church groups and women's and men's clubs all offer excellent opportunities for raising public awareness in the community.
   -PROMOTE programs in schools. Teaching prevention strategies can help to keep children from those who would abuse them.

WHO IS AT FAULT AND WHAT DOES IT CAUSE

   During the period of time as the offender exercises greater control over the victim, it is ALWAYS the offender that is 100% responsible for child sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse is NEVER, not in whole or in part the victim's fault. Informed consent is not possible at that age.

"Untreated child abuse increases the likelihood of arrest for a violent crime by 38 percent."
-UNITED STATES ADVISORY BOARD ON CHILD ABUSE

"Approximately 85 percent of Texas prison inmates claim to have been abused as children."
-NATIONAL COALITION FOR THE PREVENTION OF CHILD ABUSE

"More children have died from child abuse and neglect than from gang violence, AIDS, polio, measles, drowning, falls, choking on food, suffocation, residential fires and automobile accidents."
-UNITED STATES ADVISORY BOARD ON CHILD ABUSE

"Researchers believe that 85 percent of childhood deaths are misidentified as accidental, disease related or due to other causes."
-UNITED STATES ADVISORY BOARD ON CHILD ABUSE

"Child abuse increases the likelihood of arrest as a juvenile by 53 percent, as an adult by 38 percent and arrest for a violent crime by 38 percent."
-UNITED STATES ADVISORY BOARD ON CHILD ABUSE

"2000 infants and young children die every year from abuse at the hands of their parents or caretakers. That is five children per day!!!"
-UNITED STATES ADVISORY BOARD ON CHILD ABUSE

"18,000 children each year are left permanently disabled as a result of near fatal abuse and neglect."
-THE NATIONAL RESEARCH COUNCIL

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HELP STOP CHILD ABUSE?

TYPES OF ABUSE

   -EMOTIONAL ABUSE: (Also known as: Verbal Abuse, Mental Abuse, and Psychological Maltreatment.) This can include parents/caretakers using extreme and/or bizarre forms of punishment, such as confinement in a closet or dark room or being tied to a chair for long periods of time or threatening or terrorizing a child. Less severe acts, but no less damaging are belittling or rejecting treatment, using derogatory terms to describe the child, habitual scapegoating or blaming.
   -NEGLECT: The failure to provide for the child's basic needs, physical, educational, or emotional needs. Physical neglect can include not providing adequate food or clothing, appropriate medical care, supervision, or proper weather protection (heat or coats). It may include abandonment. Educational neglect includes failure to provide appropriate schooling or special educational needs or allowing excessive truancies. Psychological neglect includes the lack of any emotional support and love, never attending to the child, spousal abuse, drug and alcohol abuse including allowing the child to participate in drug and alcohol use.
   -PHYSICAL ABUSE: The inflicting of physical injury upon a child, burning, hitting, punching, shaking, kicking, beating, or otherwise harming a child. The parent or caretaker may not have intended to hurt the child but the injury is not an accident. It may, however, been the result of over-discipline or physical punishment that is inappropriate to the child's age.
   -SEXUAL ABUSE: The inappropriate sexual behavior with a child. It includes fondling a child's genitals, making the child fondle the adults genitals, intercourse, incest, rape, sodomy, exhibitionism and sexual exploitation. To be considered child abuse these acts have to be committed by a person responsible for the care of a child (for example a baby-sitter, a parent, or a daycare provider) or related to the child. If a stranger commits these acts, it would be considered sexual assault and handled solely by the police and criminal courts.
   -MILD PHYSICAL ABUSE: Parental abuse including hair pulling, facial slapping which results in mild bruising, mild burns or mild tissue damage.
   -MILD NEGLECT: Infrequent failure to provide food, clothing, shelter, medical care and/or supervision.
   -MILD EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Inconsistent parental behavior or verbal abuse which results in social isolation, extreme fear of parent or observable change in the child's behavior.
   -NON-ADJUDICATED DELINQUENT CHILD: Child who is assaulting, destructive, or involved in delinquent activities but not yet adjudicated.
   -MODERATE EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Professional acknowledges impairment due to cruel or unconscionable acts (social isolation, extreme fear of parent, verbal abuse.)

   There are many ways we can change as a society to address the problem of child abuse. But most of all as with any problem, an awareness of what that problem is can be a big first step in the right direction. Our children can not speak for themselves. We must speak for them. Child abuse can and does have long lasting effects on a child.

Please, if you notice these signs in a child, call your local police department or child protection agencies immediately.

Susan Kesegich