| Where were you? |
| Where were you when I was but a baby playing grown up games? Where were you when I was a teenager and everything around me was going up in flames? Where were you when I was looking for answers st the bottom of a bottle? Where were you when I was being beaten and throttled? Where were you when I remembered and my life crumbled? Where were you when I tried to carry on, but stumbled? Maybe you didn't know how bad my life had gotten. Maybe you figured I had gone on and forgotten. Maybe you felt I thought it was taboo. Maybe you were having a hard time too. Maybe you didn't know how to approach me. Maybe you thought we should just let it be. I don't know your reasons but no matter what I still need you, still love you you're all I got. Where were you?.....Where are you?.... by Gabriel.....5-23-00 |
| "Well, I've been afraid of changing cause I've built my life around you, but time makes you bolder, even children get older, and I'm getting older too" ~~~~Stevie Nicks |
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| Sometimes I Wonder... |
| Sometimes I wonder just who I'd be, if I had never been abused. Would I look up to the sky and honestly appreciate the beauty of a rainbow? Would I believe in myself and live my life instead of dreaming about it? Could I be alone and realize how nice it is and not be afraid? Would I believe people when they complement me, and not be forever suspicous? Would I be confident enough not to have to wear my 'mask' everyday? Would I appreciate the colors of the world, instead of living in gloom? Would I be this hard on myself or would I know I'm only human? Most of all, I wonder would I really love myself or will I always have such self-hatred? I guess my questions will forever be unanswered because I ws abused. Sometimes I wonder, even though I carry such tremendous emotions: guilt, shame, humiliation, anger, fear... Will I be a stronger person in the end, than I would have been, if the abuse had never happened? By Gabriel........2-06-01 |
| My Rage |
| Oh my frightened Rage what is to become of you? When we push you out pessimism and anger are the best you can do. You were the one we made take all the abuse we try to tell you, you're the strongest, but we can tell, it's just no use. Your sadness and anger overwhelm us, but remember you are not alone we are here with you, but mostly you're setting the tone. Oh Rage, you're apart of us we want you to stay, but what you will do with us is very frightening for us to say. By Gabriel.....1-09-01 |
| Depression |
| It surrounds me engulfs me pulls me down, down, down. It scares me... need the lights on... three steps forward 100 steps back I'm overwhelmed always dreading tomorrow the negative feelings they are ever present... just like this 'disease' called depression. By Gabriel....1-29-01 |
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| I’m hurting inside Falling apart at the seams All I want to do is hide, But I go on, trying to look normal My childhood, she stole My innocence they took I want to hide in a hole, But I go on, with the appearance of normal. My heart is broken Words of denial and hurt That my mother has spoken, But I go on, vainly trying to be normal. My abuse has left scars so deep, But no one sees, no one hears The secrets I keep, But I go on, wishing with all my heart to be normal. My world is shattered I fight to keep my head above water I tried to tell, but only to find it never mattered, But I go on, loosing the fight to be normal. In your eyes, I see Failure, disappointment, and blame You want me to let it be, But I can’t go on with my illusions to be normal. By Gabriel 5-07-01 |
| Illusions of Normal |
| Like a little puppy I keep coming back I don’t know why I keep coming for your attack. All I want Is for you to unconditionally love me But my past haunts my life And you just want me to let it be. Like a little puppy I beg for your attention But you shut me out At each word I mention I can’t be this person You’ve created in your mind It’s up to me to search for And be the person I find. Like a puppy I’m ever loyal, ever faithful And with each praise or hug I’m ever grateful. I need your love, understanding, and a hug I don’t need your defensiveness, criticism, or pity. I'm a shattered person right now It’s a mess and it’s not pretty Like a puppy I come back for more I talk and I talk Only to discover, you’ve shut the door. by Gabriel 1-28-01 |
| Little Puppy |
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| All Poems Copyright 2000 & 2001 by 'Gabriel' |