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| Salt's Reflections |
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| Gabriel, Your site is beautiful and touches my heart. I dont like to look at a lot of sites like this because it brings back to many bad memories I try to forget. This site makes me smile and also helps me understand a dear friend of mine a lot better. I am truly a survivor. I never really thought that for some reason until now. I am able to get out of bed every morning and get ready go to work take care of my kids and my boyfriend and help my friends and my family and I wonder how? I guess God made me very strong or the abuse did I am not for sure or a little of both. I guess my advice is to just put one foot in front of the other sometimes you might take a few steps backwards, but eventually you will be taking a lot of steps forward and wondering like I am how you do it. It is never perfect there are still days I feel down like everyone else and other days where I just want to die, but I think of my kids, my future husband, my mother, my sister, and my best friend and know they need me and that gives me the strength to start putting one foot in front of the other again. Thank you again for your beautiful site. Love, Salt May 30, 2001 |
| Salt's Thoughts You know sometimes I wonder why I protect him. He still has control over me after all of these years. I worry about what he thinks and that he is not proud of me. Why? I dont know. I have read that when people are abused as a child they somehow keep getting in abusive relationships. I know now that is true. It makes me so angry because I can't stay happy. I try, but I cant. I had an abusive first marriage. He drank a lot and when he did he hit me and when he sobered up he never remembered and even though now we are divorced I still worry about his feelings and if he is mad at me. I wonder if I make things difficult for myself. Do I? Now that my fiance is away on a job I am feeling low again. He doesnt understand why and neither do I. Sometimes he can be cruel with things he says also, at least I think or is it just in my head, who the hell knows. I just want all the pain to go away. I dont know why I am writing this, I guess because I hoped it would make me feel better. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Sorry that I am rambling just needed to open up a little. Love, Salt June 6, 2001 |
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