It was a cold, dreary day, but that didn’t get Bob down. Today was the big day—the admissions officer from College X was due to arrive in a few minutes, and he had prepared perfectly. He had a new haircut, polished shoes, a crisply ironed shirt, his favorite pair of pants, and a green sweater with a giant X written on it—all this under the façade of semi-formal attire for the least semi-formal of all possible meetings.
On his table lay his resume, seven pieces of dead tree that summarized three years of accomplishments. He noted the more interesting ones—Salutatorian, 4.9 GPA, Vice-President of the class cabinet, 2nd place at the state science fair, VP of the regional FBLA, senior editor of the newspaper, three years of varsity sports, scores of 5 on nine AP tests, local leader of an expedition to save the beavers, a patent-pending on a new kind of fish-bait, and a 1590 on his SATs.
At the last point, Bob paused. He had been told innumerable times never to mention SAT scores in front of admissions officers. He had heard horror stories about admissions officers weaseling kids into confessing and rejecting them later.
“I can’t let them think I’m arrogant,” said Bob, “because anybody who loves beavers as much as I do could not possibly be arrogant.”
Therefore, he formulated a mantra: “I did not get a 1590. I did not get a 1590. I did not get a 1590…” Bob was on the forty-ninth verse when the doorbell rang and he rushed to answer it.
“Hello there,” said the admissions officer with remarkable indifference.
“Hello, fift—I mean sir. Won’t you come in?”
“I suppose.”
Bob and the officer sat down, and they began talking. Bob asked the admissions officer thoughtful and intelligent questions to show his avid interest. The stoic officer asked Bob about items already obvious in his application because he honestly did not care. Conversation continued this way for an hour.
At this point, the admissions officer wanted to leave because he had better things to do. He tried to curtail the meeting, but with every attempt Bob followed up with another annoying question. Why couldn’t this kid shut his mouth? The officer grew restless. Another half-hour passed; the kid was still talking. Yet another passed; the kid would not stop. Another excruciating half-hour, and there was no end in sight. Finally, the officer was through.
“I know what I’m about to say is unorthodox and blatantly contrary to our school policy, but to be frank you have no chance of getting into College X.”
“What? You’re not supposed to tell me that at an interview, are you?”
“I never said anything.”
“But why?”
“Well, I arrived at this meeting thinking there was nothing unique about you.”
“What! How is that possible?”
“We get hundreds of applicants exactly like you every year. Do you really expect us to admit them all?”
“But I’m class Vice-President.”
“So? We admitted a guy who was prince of a small island off the coast of South Asia.”
“What? He didn’t have to work to get that.”
“He’s unique.”
“But that’s not fair.”
“He’s unique.”
“I’m unique too. I am dedicated to my community and sole organizer of a local expedition to save the beavers.”
At this point the officer got up and walked towards the door. “Does it matter? We snagged a kid who saved the ostriches in Djibouti.”
“Djibouti?”
“Yes Mr. 1590, he worked in Africa.”
“You’re making fun of me now. OK, I’ll admit it. I got a 1590.”
The officer burst out laughing as he opened the door. “We got a young lady who took the SATs five times since eight grade and got a 1600 each time.”
“Don’t you think that’s a little insane?”
“Insanity is the norm at College X,” laughed the admissions officer as stepped onto the sidewalk and walked towards his car.
Words could not describe Bob’s rage as he watched the officer walking away. He picked up his resume and yelled at the top of his lungs: “What’s the use of this resume that sums up years of backbreaking work?”
The officer replied simply, “To bait fish withal.”
Now reader, I could leave it at the last point, being satisfied in having created another depressing story about the crazy, mixed-up world of college admissions. However, this story would be incomplete without mentioning that Bob’s hard work and skill with bait caught him the fish known as College Y, a top-notch university that acknowledged his successes; it suffices to say that Bob had an awesome four years at College Y. Never think that you got rejected by life just because you weren’t good enough or unique enough to get into a particular college because chances are you are already unique by being yourself.
That is also why this story would be incomplete without mentioning the fate of the people who were admitted to the rival College X, emphasizing that that path does not guarantee success. The prince’s yacht deviated from its course during a three-hour tour, and he was marooned on an island for thirty years. The boy who went to Djibouti was nearly eaten by a band of rabid ostriches. And the girl who got quintuple 1600s? She hatched a plot to take over the world. But that’s another story…