Text/SMS Messages-jaz a joke

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a husbnd coming hom frm a confesion sudenly lifted his wife n carried her. W: y did d priest tel u 2 b so romantic lyk dis? H:no, he told me 2 carry my cross.	i had a dream abt u. nasa heaven daw tayo w/ a cute angel, my angel was ugly,tampo ko. i ask St. Peter y cute angel mo. he replyd "balans of nature".	If ur not cute don't continue reading dis.... naks! yan ang gusto ko sayo eh, lakas ng fighting spirit mo! O pumipindot pa! lupit mo!	RULE WOMEN LIVE BY:1.don't imagine u can change a man unles he s in diapers. 2.if he asks wat sort of buks u r interestd in, tel him, CHECKBOOKS.	kung ikaw ay crush ng bayanmhinahangaan kita. kung ikw ay kaibigan ko pangangalagaan kta. kung ikw ay kamukaha ko, Putsa! mag-artista ka sayang ka!	Q:wat wil hapen if u had a wooden car.. w/ wooden seats..wooden tires..and a wooden engine? A: it wooden start! hahaha..
Tuwing naiisip at nakikita kita kinikilig ako! Hindi madali aminin sayo i2...ang cute mo. And i really lyk u! Haay...sarap mo nakawin sa Manila Zoo!	A MAN IN D RUFTOP. Pulis:wag kang tatalon...maraming nagmamahal sayo! man:tumahimik ka! wag mo kong pakialaman di ako makasend!	how i wish i kud touch u, fil ur body, n hold u w/ my hand, 2 kis ur lips so fresh, n 2 zip the tastiest part of u! i luv u...my refreshing COCA-COLA !!!	noong una naiilang ako sayo. takot ako lumapit baka d ka frndly. pero u proved me wrong. ur so swit. sana d mo masamain kung dalhan kita ng pagkain sa ZOO.	SINNER:father 4giv me 4 i hav sinned. i'm sexually preocupied & often read dirty jokes & grafix. PRIEST:my child, r u a textmate of replace ur name here.	wen i was born,satan sed,"shit! another angel!".But wen u wer born, satan sed,"shit! kompetensya!"
Acdg 2 ur horoscop, ur day wil b very nice bcos a cute creation of God (AHEM) is texting u at dis very moment.	Tym 2 refresh ur tagalog alpabet, basahin sa titik tagalog. B K W L K M G W, P R M S Y K, T W K H H H, L L L H H H, T M N P R K ng T nga!	TRANSLATE IN TAGALOG: hav by any twist of fate noticd a drop-dead gorgeous oozing wid sex apeal person pas by? A: nakita mo bang dumaan c ur name here?	Mornin prayr: Dir God, 10k u 4 giving me dis wondrful lyf. pls 4giv me 4 my sins n help me bcom sum1 not as naughty as da 1 i'm txting ryt now...AMEN.	may pinagkakaguluhan sa kanto, nakiusyoso ako, d ako makasingit grabe, daming tao. biglang tinaas, napanganga ako at nagulat..GRABE!! pictur ko!	HELP! nasa presin2 ako nahuli ka c ako wyl i was wokng kanina. d charge was posesin of cute face. ihad no choice but 2 plid guilty. lakas ng ebidensya nila e!
God sed: let der b music n der was my voice, Let der b luv & der was my hart & den God sed agen, Let der b beauty & "I was born". (pls pas d gud news)	money wil buy a bed but not sleep, fud but not appetite, amusement but not hapines..u c money s not evrything, Der4, f u hav 2 much, pls send it 2 me ASAP! -")	frnd ko ang managr ng SMART nagbigay cla ng libreng cel cards worth 300 bbgyan kta. eto yong no. ### #### ##### paki kiskis na lang ok.	wen sum1 tels u bad words smyl. sum1 tels u lies smyl wen sum1 slap u in d face smyl den saksakin mo bigla para patay agad mo bigla para patay agad. abuso eh! den smyl.	ur d cute! ur so cute! ur d cutes! keep on believing dat. malay mo magkatotoo.	isa ka lang? tabi tayo para d lungkot ang araw mo!
wen u feel ol alon jst luk at d spaces between ur fingers. Remmber dat in those spaces u can c my fingers lock w/ urs 4evr. Gud pm.	4 rooms of woman:1)face-showroom 2)boobs-play room 3)tummy-store room 4)vagina-men's room	Q:do u know y witches dont wear panties? A: to giv dem beter grip on their brooms. kaya cla tawa na tawa kc eh feel na feel nila.	LOSING ur teeth wil LESSEN ur SEXUAL DRIVE, acdg 2 Chinese "Pag ikaw wala IPEN wala KAN-TOOTH" So take care of ur teeth para "lagi MELON KAN-TOOTH":-)	A lady goes to the dentist. Takes off her panties and spreads her legs. Dentist: Mam di po ako ob-gyne! Lady: IKAW GUMAWA NG PUSTISO NG MISTER KO, NGAYON TANGGALIN MO!	Im sending u a "HELLO" msg. it doesnt mean u hav 2 do d same..U can always send cash naman e,o kaya callcard..pwede rin bigas,dlata,kape! bahala kana! gudPM!
Balita ko magaling ka daw...? S..s..sa..sa..se..sa SEX sa SEXBOMB iyong usong sayaw ngayon, turuan mo naman ako! Good morning sayo;)	*if only im an angel.. i'l protct u i'l lend u my wings i'l watch ovr u ..but im not an angel... pero...may hawig..dba?!	while walkng down da street i heard an old man say "iv been in luv w/ da same woman 4 almost 54 yrs..." i was touchd den i heard him say... " i wish she knew..." =(	Girls are like celfones, they like to be held & talked to, but press the wrong button and you're disconnected. Guys are like buses...if you miss that one, another will be along soon.	they say texting while walking is stupid and texting while driving is more stupid BUT IF U DONT HAVE TEXTMATES UR THE MOST STUPID SO TXT ME PLEASE !!!	Each of us has his own fear but sooner or later we must face it. It takes a lot of guts to overcome it. So don't be afraid to face ur fear. Go ahead, look into d mirror
SÄ PÄGPÜ2K NG ÄRÄW, SÄNÄ'Y GTLÄN KÄ NG TLÄÖK NG MÄNÖK, BÖSÖHÄN K NG MGÄ BÖNG NÄGÄÄWTÄN ÄT DÄGÜKÄN NG SWÉRTÉ ÜPÄNG MÄTÄDYÄKÄN KÄ NG SÄNG MAGANDANG UMAGA!!	Alam mo kung ano ang gusto ko sa yo? ano pa di P.U.K.E.M.O. Patience,Understanding,Kindness,Exitement, Mannerism,Obidience.......	10 RISONS PAGDI NAGREPLY ANG KATEX MO: 10>nasa CR 9>sira/off celpon 8>iting 7>wlang narecib 6>ubos kolkard 5>tulog 4>kuripot 3>tamad 2>patay na 1>maykaSEX	" Meron akong Ms saigon front row tickets 4 sale. Nood tayo. Yung passes ko bigay ko na lang sa iyo. OK lang ba sa 'yo kung si NORA ang KIM?	Let me kiss ur lips,let me feel ur teeth,let me taste ur tounge,(SMILE) dis s ur friend COLGATE reminds u 2 brush ur teeth :-) he..he..gud day...	If ur lyk my PILLOW, u r HUGGABLE. If ur lyk my CELFONE, u r SMART. if u r lyk my CHOCOLATE, u r SWEET. If u r lyk ME... GRABE. ANG CUTE MO NAMAN! (",)

JAZ A JOKE