Adoption
The Trials of Adoption
I received this from a mother in a lesbian family.
My greatest joy is being utterly amazed every single day by my son. He is
always doing or saying the most unbelievable cute, intelligent, or remarkable
things. I don't think a day passes that I don't say " Can he
possibly get any more amazing?" And every day he does. I feel
so fortunate to have been given such a wonderful gift. He makes me very
proud and happy. Having him in my life makes it hard to be to upset about
anything else.
We had no
problems conceiving. My partner conceived the first time we used
intra-uterine (unknown) donor insemination. When it was time for me to
adopt our son, Elijah it was a different story. We contacted a lawyer
in April of '99, five months before our son was due. She told us to
gather letter of reference from our parent (s), friends, doctors, religious
leaders, etc. regarding us being a committed couple (together over six years at
the time of Eli's birth) and their feelings on us making good parents. She
also told us we would want to try to get our adoption completed as quickly as
possible because the Pennsylvania State Supreme Court was going to be ruling on
whether or not a case where a queer second-parent adoption had been denied was
legal. Our lawyer completed the draft copy of our adoption petition and we
approved it. (Later, when the Supreme Court did decide, they said it was
okay to deny queer second-parent adoptions. So, now, queer adoptions are
no longer granted PA, as far as I understand.)
After Eli was
born, we contacted our lawyer and she filed our petition. This was in
September. Normally, an adoption case like ours, our lawyer told us, would
take anywhere from a few weeks to a couple months. Well, the months rolled
by as we waited to be assigned a date for our hearing regarding our hearing
dating be assigned because there was not reason to withhold that from us.
Our lawyer gave them 45 days to give a date, and our date was set at the last
possible date, March 13th, 2000.
When we went
to court in March, Jodi and I each had to testify and basically all we did
was confirm that the personal information in our petition (salary, years living
together, intent to co-parent Eli) was true. After we had finished, the
judge was to rule on the case. Our judge basically told us that he didn't
know whether or not it was legal, so he just didn't make a ruling either
way. He cited the PA Supreme Court case, saying he wanted to see what the
higher court was going to say, so he didn't mistakenly do something that wasn't
right. One, illegal, or whatever. Our lawyer got busy again and
filed a fifty page 'brief' stating why it was legal for queer parents to have
second-parent adoptions granted.
Our case was
actually one of about 6 or 7 that were heard on the same date in March, because
that many other queer couples in Pittsburgh had filed petitions for adoptions
but were being delayed being granted a hearing. There were there 3 or 4
judges. Each judge responded differently. One judge said delayed the
2 adoption petitions he had heard. Our judge said delayed further by not
deciding. I think the other two judges did the same thing. Our
lawyer sent her brief to the lawyers who were uncertain of the legality of
granting out adoptions. Her goal was to argue her brief in front of a
panel of these judges.
Fortunately,
our judge read the brief and was convinced just from reading that they were
legal. He didn't want her to argue it for him, he was convinced. I
read the brief, too. Our lawyers was magnificent. She listed reason
after reason why it was legal. Quoting even from the Magna Carta!?!
So, our judge decided to grant the two adoption petitions he heard. We
were basically lucky. So, on May 17th, 2000, I became the legal parent of
our son whom I've co-parented since the moment of his birth at 1:04 a.m.,
September 21, 1999
My mother is
wonderful. She loves her grandson. I don't have any contact with my
'father'. My partner's parents are also wonderful. They enjoy a very
close relationship with our grandson, whom they visit often.