The Mistake
What are the joys of the family lifestyle?
What can I say about my family that isn’t a cliche? The give my life meaning? They’re the reason I get up in the morning? They’re just absolutely two people I’m utterly, in love with and committed to.
What problems did you have in adopting or conceiving?
I’m
sure this is going to make people hate me, but I concieved my
daughter by accident. The doctors assured me, due to my
intersexed biology, that I wouldn’t be able to have
children. My partner was likewise, deemed sterile. What’s
that quote from "Jurassic Park"? "Life finds a
way."
Now the pregnancy...that was hellacious. Ditto for the delivery.
What does the child think, if the child is old enough to comment?
About my being queer? She’s fine with it. We’re taking it slow and letting her know that as a respected member of our family, if she ever gets to feeling strange about anything, she can come to my partner or I and discuss it. Some things she has some say over – we wanted her to feel like she’s got some control over things, so we’ve told her that for example, I won’t grow any facial hair until she says she’s ok with it. We’re not pushing her to stop calling me "Mom" either. When she’s ready, she’ll decide what to call me. She doesn’t like things people have to say about my being queer and she’s disgusted with how my partner’s family are dealing with his queerness, but overall she’s got no problems with how our family is or how being queer works. She says it’s a big "duh" that two guys can love each other and two women can and that there are transpeople in the world.
What does the family think about it? (Family referring to your parents etc.)
My
family is dealing with it. They sometimes don’t get it, but
they’re dealing. My Mom says she can’t imagine turning
her back on me because of something like this and she admires
that I’m courageous enough to force meeting my life on my
own terms. My Dad is a bit less sure of what to make of all this,
but both keep telling me that they love me regardless and
they’re attentive, wonderful grandparents to our daughter.
My partner’s family however, have turned on us completely.
When we were a "straight" couple, they would ignore the
fact that their son was a raging homo because hey, there was this
"wife" around. Now, well ...now they refuse to deal
with us at all. When the –do- deign to speak to us it’s
to accuse us of doing all this deliberately to hurt them and of
being selfish and sinful and so on. Lovely Christian people
there.
Are you or your partner FTM or MTF?
If the Answer is yes please answer the questions. . . .
FTM and MTF
Did you transition after having kids?
Yep.
If so how old were you when you transitioned?
I was 31 and my daughter was 6 when I began transition.
Were you in a heterosexual or homosexual partnership before you transitioned and were the kids from that partnership?
Heterosexual and my child is from that partnership.