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MOVIE |
RATING
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COMMENTS
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| Manos, the Hands of Fate |
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It's so bad it'll rot your teeth, deform your children, make distant
relatives weep, and cause a total subhumanoid meltdown.
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Class of Nukem
High 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown
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No wonder Evan found the tape for one dollar at the very bottom
of a big bin of used tapes. Evan wasted his money. He could have spent
it better by setting the bill aflame and using the light to search for
long lost, melted jellybeans underneath his bed.
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Starship Troopers
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Starship Troopers does an terrific job of tapping into the viewer's repressed
fears of millions of giant black insect-like creatures running amuck, each
with the ability to devour a cow in seconds.
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The Warriors
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Four words: "CAN YOU DIG IT?!"
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Robocop 3
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Have you ever been sitting around your room and thought, "
Darn, my it would be lovely to see a film tonight. And wouldn't it be
just wonderful if it had ninja robots, horrible flying effects, gang
violence, and hacker orphans ?" Well, my strange friend, your dreams
have just come true .
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Flash Gordon
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This film goes way back with Anthony and I. We had both
seen it as of eighth grade and both put it out of our memory just as
soon as it became unbearable to remember.
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D.C. Cab
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The only good thing about this movie was watching Mr. T get extremely hostile
towards the bad guys, especially ones that try to get 10-year-old kids
to join their crime syndicate.
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Mr. Nanny
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Not a good movie, but it's not unwatchable, either. Plus, you get
to see Hulk Hogan in a pink balerina tutu. Pretty good when set next to
Manos or Nukem High.
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Mortal Kombat:
Annihilation
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...the fight scenes used in MKA were absolutely disgraceful by
any film standards, Power Rangers included!
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Dinosaur Island
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Although not as disturbing as Manos or Disciple of Death
and [argueably] not as poorly made as Nukem High , there
was something that was still SO bad and SO disturbing about the movie
that it had to be shut off within the first 20 minutes, the first and
ONLY movie thus far to accomplish this with us. This was a stupid movie.
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Disciple of Death
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Words cannot describe how bad this film is. Evan offered to pay a dollar
for this movie, but the people at the "scavenger hunt-esque" store repeatedly
insisted on 50 cents. Once you've seen this movie, you can only wonder how
this film made it to videocassette.
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Ernest Goes to
Africa
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As far as Ernest movies go, this one wasn't too bad. It
probably would have been funny if I was still nine.
Plus, our friend Ernest almost hooks up with a chick!
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The Ice Pirates
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Two words: SPACE HERPES!
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Killer Klowns from
Outer Space
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This film was so bad that the producer couldn't even afford to run the
title of the movie through spellcheck.
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Battlefield Earth
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Give John Travolta a round of applause, everybody! He singlehandedly brought
the big-budget B-movie rental into the 21st century!
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The Killer Eye
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A movie about a gigantic mutated eye creature complete with tentacles which
wanders in search of "energy" and young women. That's right, young women.
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Legally Blonde
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Just for the record, none of the guys actually rented this DVD, but it was
there and came highly (or should I say "lowly") recommended, so we watched
it.
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Three Ninjas- High
Noon at Mega Mountain
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Here's a movie with: Hulk Hogan, 3 boy ninjas, and a hacker girl vs. Loni
Anderson, Jim Varney, and 198,245 incompetent "ninjas,"
what more could you ask for? |
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Urban Menace
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James really picked a winner. Enough said.
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I'm Gonna Git You Sucka
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In this movie, I learned that "O.G." means "over-gold," as in death by wearing too many gold chains. But wait, it "gits" worse... |
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Can't Stop the Music
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Question: What do you get when you make a musical/comedy starring The Village People and Steve Guttenburg? Answer: A really, really, really gay movie.
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Dead Alive
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This is BY FAR the hardest movie I've had to rate in that on the one hand, it's an extremely gory horror flick with ample comedy and questionable acting, but on the other hand, this movie is UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME!!!
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America 3000
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Through movie-magic technology, we journey 1000 years into the post-apocalyptic future, only to find that the future looks EXACTLY like a bad movie made in the 1980s!
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Georgia Backroads
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Further proof that my uncle is the most boring person in the world. He ordered
this video for completely serious purposes. Then, after I stole it from the
mailbox, he ordered another one!
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