Q: What the hell is this?
Q: How do I experience GeoffX for myself?
Q: What is the capital of South Dakota?
Q: Who is behind GeoffX?
Q: How did GeoffX come to be?
Q: Why are the buttons on your website so big?
Q: What is the philosophy behind your programming?
Q: Do you know any good recipes for taco dip?
Q: Your website sickens and offends me. Why don't you just get it over with and give Osama bin Laden his own show?
Q: I'm a single, attractive woman, age 20-26, with a thing for guys who create their own television networks. Are any of you available?
Q: Are we done yet?
Q: How about now?
A: The GeoffX Network is a revolutionary concept in cable broadcasting. Our mission is to bring you nothing but the very best in low-to-mediocre-quality programming. And we pass the savings on to you!
A: Click here for information on how to get GeoffX in your home.
A: Pierre.
A: Here are the creative geniuses (or idiot savants, whichever) behind GeoffX:
Geoff - Network Founder/Supreme Overlord
Mike "Sodboy" Pries - Programming Director/Website Designer
"Captain" Matt Gast - Asst. Programming Director/Geoff's Stunt Double
Chris "Wojo" Wodarski - Occasional Contributor/Problem Drinker
A: On a fateful Friday night in November of 1998, Geoff, Matt, and Mike were all enjoying 44 oz. Surge Slurpees from the 7-Eleven in Park Forest, IL (which always has 12 flavors of Slurpee on tap, and is officially the #1 selling Slurpee store in the world.) Suddenly, in a moment of serendipitous inspiration, Geoff said, "I want my own TV network." Fueled by the high levels of sugar and caffeine rushing through their veins, the three devised the entire schedule for the first season of GeoffX that night. Soon after, Mike, being a social recluse with no other creative outlets, designed the website. Through the years, the shows and the site may have changed and grown, but we'll never forget where we came from.
A: Our tireless research has shown that GeoffX's core demographic consists of heavily inebriated males, ages 14-29.
A: Our programming philosophy can be best summed up in two simple words: "ratings whore." That is to say, when we put a show on the air, we're looking for something that is so astonishingly bad and/or weird that the viewer is paralyzed in their seat, unable to look away from the screen or, more importantly, change the channel. In the end, you may not like what you see, but you sure as hell won't be able to turn it off!
A: Sure do.
7-Layer Taco Dip
1. 2 cans of bean dip
2. 12 oz. Guacamole
3. 8 oz. Sour cream mixed with 1/3 c. Miracle Whip and 1 pkg. Taco seasoning
4. 1 bunch Green onions, chopped
5. 1 pint Cherry tomatoes, chopped
6. 1 can Black olives, sliced
7. 8 oz. Finely shredded cheddar cheese
Layer all ingredients as directed in a 13"x9"x2" pan. Serve with tortilla chips.
A: Actually, now that you mention it, we did originally have plans for a show starring Osama bin Laden. It was going to be an updated version of "Hogan's Hereos", starring Osama as Colonel Klink. You can imagine our disappointment when we found out he had already inked an exclusive 5-year deal with Al-Jazeera.
A: At the present time, Mike is the only one available. But of course, he's always available. I could leave this page as-is for three years and that statement would still be true.
A: No.
A: Well, okay, yeah.
