Back To Your Heart
I felt so sick as MTV played her video. Tears welled up in my eyes as she looked into the camera and smiled that smile that I'd die for, just to have her smile the same one to me. One last time. And she seemed so happy hosting TRL too. I doubt she even thought about me anymore. I was nothing but a memory wished to be forgotten. Nothing but footprints in her heart, so light you could barely see them.
It's not that I can't live without you
"Chrissy? What's wrong?" One of my dancers, Mel, squinted at me from across the room, watching tears drip down my cheeks.
"Nothing." I blurted out quickly, sniffing, and wiping my cheek.
"Is it about Brit again? Chrissy, it's been 3 weeks. Can't you get over it?" Mel sighed, walking over, and sitting down across from me.
"You don't understand. I can't get over it just like that."
"Maybe you need to accept the fact that she's not taking you back." Mel told me firmly, looking down at me like she was my mother and she knew everything.
But she didn't.
"You don't know that." I bitterly snapped back, shooting her a dirty look, which caused her to back off a bit.
She shrugged at me, and walked back over to the other side of the room to resume her video games, just as my publicist walked into the room, and glanced over at me, before shouting over his shoulder as he left. "You have to be at that party in an hour. Jorge will be your escort."
Great, Jorge.
With that my make-up artist walked in and started sickly caking on pounds of make-up onto my face, so much that I felt like a whore. I felt so cheap, just looking at my fake dried up strawlike strands of blonde hair, and pornstar looking fake nails. God, at least Britney would make me forget the goddamned shit that's unfortunately part of the business.
Baby if I only knew
When Jorge and I got to the party, walking in with our arms linked together, grabbing the attention of every celebrity there, we walked over to the balcony as all eyes stared at us, and leaned over the side, sipping on margaritas, while watching the people below walking around the pool.
"You're so down lately, Chrissy. You haven't smiled in weeks." Jorge mumbled quietly, looking at me.
I scowled at him, then formed my lips into a thin red line, trying not to just let go like I wanted to and bitch at him. I didn't want to make a scene.
He must of sensed my angriness, because he looked away from me, staring down below shamefully.
I sighed, containing my anger, and looked over the edge, and spotted Britney, Willa and Nick, sitting on the lawn together, which caused me to intake a sharp breath and spit out my drink in surprise.
They were talking intensely, which made Willa scowl and grab Nick's hand, walking away from Britney with Nick, making Britney watch them disappear in the distance as they walked farther away, leaving her there alone.
I don't know how it got so crazy
"What did she do?!" I asked frantically, jerking my head back at Jorge, tapping his arm, as he sort of jumped at the skin contact.
Jorge looked down at where they were a minute ago. "Where's Brit?" He looked back at me, as I jerked my head back to where she was.
"She'd better not of hurt Brit." I grimaced, biting my lip and then looking back at Jorge.
Give me one more chance, to give my love to you
"I'll be right back, Jorge." I muttered, rushing inside.
"Hey Chrissy."
I snapped my head around when I heard that familiar voice. There was JC Chasez, with his gelled dark hair and leather pants, and piercing blue eyes, grinning at me.
"What's up?" His smile grew wider as a girl jumped onto his back, kissing his cheek.
"Uh, have you seen Britney?"
He shook his head, managing "Hey Bobbi" before making out with the girl.
I shrugged, walking over to the other room, scanning the room for any sign of Britney. The room was empty.
I walked back into the other room, passing JC and Bobbi making out like horny lovesick teenagers in front of everyone. I went to the balcony back to Jorge, and sighed as I stood beside him, leaning over the edge.
"She walked by a minute ago, asking me where you were." Jorge told me, concentrating on a spot down below.
I sighed again, then stopped midway as I felt a soft tap on my shoulder. I spun around, coming face to face with Britney. Only a inch away from her lips.
Not moving, she whispered. "I need to talk to you."
I turn back time
Jorge looked over at me, tilting his head slightly, as she lead me inside, into an empty room. She sat down on the couch, motioning for me to sit down beside her. I sat down, looking into her nervous eyes.
"I broke up with her." She said, sighing and turning to me to witness my reaction.
I didn't say anything.
"Christina, I'm sorry." She said, her eyes full of guilt, nervousness, sorryness, and hope. She seemed uncomfortable, but maybe that was just simply fear building up inside her.
"Sorry for what?" I asked her, swallowing as I knew her fear had been passed on to me, because I was now just as scared as she was. And I knew I looked just as scared as she did. And I knew she knew it too.
"For letting you go. For losing you. For hurting you. For making the biggest mistake of my life." Her voice broke, and I could hear a deep sadness in it. Was it the same sadness I had heard when I lost her?
"Forgive me, Chrissy. Please." She bit her lip, fearing my reply.
I nodded. Suddenly, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. I wrapped my arms around her waist and closed my eyes, and I smiled, remembering Jorge's words earlier that night about me never smiling. Because I just proved him wrong.
And I felt at home.
"I promise I won't ever do that again, Chrissy." She breathlessly whispered into my ear, and I felt that tingle all over my body as I had before. Something I hadn't felt for weeks, and missed so bad.
"I love you, Brit." I sighed into her hair, watching the rush of air brush it lightly over her shoulder.
"I love you too, Chrissy," She pulled away from my arms and kissed my lips, touching my tongue, making me feel all weak inside. It felt so good to get something back. Now I know it's true when they say if you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours. This is living proof. "I'm for real this time."
It's just that I don't even want to try
Every night I dream about you
Ever since the day we said goodbye
If I wasn't such a fool
Right now I'd be holding you
There's nothin' that I wouldn't do
The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
And find a way back to your heart
But I'll do anything to set things right
Cause your love is so amazing
Baby you're the best thing in my life
Let me prove my love is real
And made you feel the way I feel
I promise I would give the world
If only you would tell me girl
Cause no one on this earth loves you like I do
Tell me
To make you mine
And find a way back to your heart
I beg and plead
Fall to my knees
To find a way back to your heart