As they waited for the doors to the VMA's after-party to open, she felt his hand clamp over hers, his rough skin and hard palms, move over her small fine hands. She looked over at his face. Shaved head, baby blue eyes that any girl would die to look in, his roughly just-shaved face. She didn't want him, and didn't see what was so special about him, that he had millions of girls screaming out his name at concerts, "JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!" She just didn't see it. What was wrong with her? He was sweet, caring, and perfect. She loved him, but not in a romantic way. They had been friends since MMC, and she couldn't dump him. That would break his heart. And he had his heart broken so many times before, and he had been cheated on so many times before, he would never love again if she did that to him.
She felt someone brush against her hip. She looked away from Justin's face and saw her. Christina Aguilera. Her long-time friend, also from MMC. They had shared so much during the years, but she never saw much of Christina now. Christina smiled at her and mouthed a 'hi', and she melted. Weakly smiling back, she noticed Jorge. Christina's boyfriend. She could feel her heart burning as she saw their arms linked together. It hurt her so much. Why couldn't she be the one to hold Christina's hand? To share kisses with her? Why did it have to be Jorge? He didn't deserve her. Jorge had never been with her through all the shit that she's been through over the years. She was.
"Britney, are you okay?" Justin's forehead creased as he looked at her face, concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Britney turned her head away and closed her eyes so her heart wouldn't hurt as much as it did when she saw Jorge press his lips against Christina's.
*****
When Britney got home that night, she couldn't stand that she couldn't dismiss the feelings that she was having for Christina. This was Christina. Christina was a girl. These feelings were wrong. Britney stayed up all night, tossing and turning in bed, thinking what exactly these feelings were. She thought maybe they were just feelings of a strong friendship, not love. Britney was in denial. And no matter how much she thought and tried to vacant these overpowering feelings from her mind, she couldn't stop thinking of Christina, and the way Britney felt when Christina brushed her hip. Britney was brought up religiously, and she was taught that homosexual feelings were wrong. What would her parents think? If they ever found out about it, they'd disown her. Finally Britney realized, that yes, she was in love. With another girl.
The next few days went by, and Britney couldn't get Christina off of her mind. When Justin kissed her, she imagined those were Christina's lips, grazing on her own. Britney felt guilty at times, because she knew these feelings were so wrong. But she knew she couldn't just toss these feelings away, like trash.
Chapter 2 *****FLASHBACK to MMC*****
"JC hates me!" 14 year-old Christina Aguilera ran into the room, tears streaming down her face, and she jumped on the bed and buried her head into the pillow.
"What makes you say that?" Britney frowned as she saw her best friend crying her eyes out on the bed.
"I asked him out and he said no. Just no. That's so mean. Even a REASON behind him saying no would be so much better than just a simple 'no'."
"Maybe he doesn't hate you...maybe he has a girlfriend?" Britney walked over to the bed and sat on it beside Christina.
"He's single," She shot her head up and glared at Britney, " You KNOW that. Everyone knows that. If JC has a girlfriend, everyone knows."
"Okay, so you can't go out with him? Who cares, Chrissy? There's more fish in the sea."
"Yeah, but I wanted THAT fish."
"Forget him, Chrissy. His loss, okay? He'll realize it sooner or later. Anyways, who wouldn't want you? He must be stupid. It's not worth getting depressed over."
"Thanks Britney. That means alot." Christina smiled at her friend.
Suddenly, Britney felt Christina's lips touch hers. Soft, luscious, vanilla-flavored lips. Britney couldn't help but kiss back. Britney opened her mouth just enough for Christina's tongue to slide in. There tongues played a game of war, until Christina came up air, and they were called out of the room to do a MMC skit.
*****
A sudden loud dog's bark pulled Britney away from her thoughts. She had remembered that kiss so crystal clear. And now, it meant everything to her. But she doubt that Christina remembered it. It was probably just a blur in her mind, along with all her other insignificant memories.
"Uh...Britney? You got a photo shoot for Teen People's Top 25 Under 25 in an hour. We got to go." Fe's loud voice echoed the empty room.
"Okay, Fe. Gimme a second." Britney sighed, and pulled her body off the couch.
Chapter 3
When they got to the photo shoot, Britney was surprised that Christina was there too. And she looked beautiful, with her baby blue halter top and white leather pants. Her hair was blonde and layered, with red tips at the end. Huge baby blue eyes looked like bright blue diamonds, that Britney could gaze in all day.
Of course, her boyfriend Justin, and his bandmates, Lance Bass and JC Chasez were there too. Britney looked over at them, and saw JC and Lance posing together on a green couch with a dull gray background. JC stuck his tongue out at the camera as it snapped a shot of them, Lance's hand on JC's back and JC bending back, his arms flying wildly.
Britney sighed and walked into her dressing room to put on the clothes that she had to wear for the shoot. As she was getting dressed, she heard a knock on the door.
"Hold on!" Britney pulled on her belly-baring blouse, and ran to answer the door. It was Christina.
"Hey Brit. How are ya?"
"I'm fine," Britney looked into her bright smiling face," Would you like to come in?"
Christina nodded and stepped into the room as Britney held the door open for her, and then closed it as Christina dropped down onto the couch.
"I don't see much of you these days, Brit. I have to tell you, though, I was ecstatic when I found out you were going to be at the shoot," Britney sat on the couch opposite Christina, and Christina bent forward, and took Britney's arm into her soft hand, stroking her light blonde hairs on her forearm," I miss you, B. I really do."
"I miss you too, Chrissy." Britney felt a tingling sensation all over her body as Christina gently stroked her forearm, tenderly pushing the fine hair off her arm.
Every time Christina's soft gentle fingers brushed lightly against Britney's arm, Britney couldn't help but feel weak. Every caress of Christina's hand sent her to the edge, and she felt powerless from every touch of Christina. What kind of pull did this woman have over her? Was this suppose to be sexual, or was it just Christina's way in showing she cared? What about Jorge?
"Jorge and I broke up." Christina told Britney, as if she had read her mind. And she looked deeply into Britney's dark chesnut eyes, like she was looking into her eyes and she could see and read what Britney was thinking in her mind, through them.
"Why?" was all Britney managed to sputter out.
Christina shrugged helplessly. "We can't manage a relationship, we're both so busy. And he wants to start a singing career. Too much long distance, especially since we haven't been together for that long."
Britney didn't say anything, she just concentrated on Christina's hand, fondly stroking her arm. Her eyes sweeped over the room, and locked on Christina's. And then she felt the lips. The same lips she had felt on hers back in MMC. Luscious, soft, warm lips. Except now they didn't taste like vanilla, but like peaches. It was so tempting, and Britney couldn't help but want more. Christina was her oxygen, and she couldn't resist wanting to taste more of the peaches, as she slid her tongue in Christina's flavored lips. They're tongues caressed each others, until Christina broke the kiss.
"Britney, I've wanted you since that kiss we shared back in MMC. Do you remember that?"
Britney's mouth gaped open. "You remember that? I thought you forgot."
"How could I ever forget that, Brit?" And then Britney felt Christina's hands around her waist, pulling her close, pressing her body tight to hers. And Christina's mouth moved over Britney's ear, licking her earlobe lightly with the tip of her tongue, causing Britney to moan. She sucked on the earring for a few more seconds, and then moved her mouth down to to her neck, sucking on it, and then lightly nibbling on Britney's collarbone with her teeth, causing Britney to break into yet another moan.
Hands pushed her Britney on the floor, and caressed her breasts through her thin white blouse. Then Christina's hands unbuttoned Britney's blouse, and her tongue lightly licked Britney's hard, erect nipples. Britney felt her heart beating rapidly, and then Christina's head on her breasts, feeling her heartbeat beat against her head. Britney felt a sudden bloodrush to her pussy, and felt her clit throbbing just as fast as her heart was. Her knees were pointing upward, and her feet were planted on the ground, spread enough so Christina could lay her body inbetween them and lick Britney's breasts.
Britney closed her eyes, and felt the silk of her blouse being placed back on her chest, and Christina's hands were still groping her breasts through her blouse. She felt Christina's tongue move over her stomach, licking it, and her teeth gently pulled the barbell of her belly ring. Britney moaned, which encouraged Christina to go even farther.
Christina stopped, and Britney shot her eyes open to see why. Christina was peering into Britney's warm dark eyes, and they looked into each other's eyes until Christina spoke.
"Are you sure you want this?"
Britney nodded abruptly, unable to wait. But that was all the permission Christina needed.
Britney felt Christina's nails pick at the top button of her denim jeans, and then she heard a zipper. Christina's hands spread Britney's legs farther, and pulled her pants down to her ankles. She bent down and took Brit's underwear inbetween her teeth, pulling it off, and then the pants too, and tossed them aside.
Then Britney felt a finger go inside of her. She had never had another girl's finger go inside of her. Britney felt her heart beating even more rapidly than it was before, as Christina's gentle touch felt Britney's clit lightly.
"Oh my God...." Britney lay her head down on the floor, anticipating for more.
Christina slid her whole finger in, touching Britney's throbbing clit. Then she slid in another finger, and massaged Britney's aching clit, while Britney's body begged for more. Another thin finger entered Britney, and Britney's legs and hips bucked wildly.
"Shh, Britney. Justin is in the other room."
Justin. She had completely forgotten about Justin. What would he think of this? This was more than just cheating on him, this was a GIRL. Was she a lesbian? She never felt anything for Justin, only for Christina. As a matter of fact, she had never felt anything for any man. Britney shut her eyes tight.
"Oh Jesus." the words escaped Britney's mouth.
Britney couldn't see it, but she knew a frown had appeared on Christina's face. Her fingers left Britney. "You don't like this."
Her eyes shot open when she didn't feel anything inside of her anymore. She looked into Christina's hurt eyes, and all she could see was the pain that she's been through, and that maybe, Britney's eyes had promised something to her. Something so true that she could never find in any man. Suddenly she felt bad, like she had hurt Christina, and brought more pain into her already pain-filled heart than there already was.
"I'm sorry, Christina. I just--."
"You don't have to explain yourself, Britney. I understand that you don't want me. And you definitely don't have to be so nice to let me do that to you, just so I won't feel hurt." she interrupted.
"No, Chrissy. It's not like that."
"Brit, you're sweet. But you don't have to be that nice, okay? Anyways, I got to go. I've got a photo shoot." She gave Britney a sympathetic look, and headed out the door.
***** Chapter 4
How could I have been so stupid? Britney thought to herself as she lay down on the bed in her hotel room. She thinks I don't love her. But I do.
"Pinky?" Justin's head poked in the room. She jumped as he caught her eyes. She turned her eyes away from his, and sat up.
"Are you okay, Brit? You've been acting really weird lately." He sat down beside her, and looked into her worried eyes.
"I'm fine."
"I'm not buying that. Something is up. Tell me." His face was serious, and he wanted the truth from her. What could she tell him though? That she was a lesbian in love with another girl?
"J, everything's okay. Don't worry about me."
"Look, Pinky. If there's anything wrong, you can always come and talk to me. I'll always be there for you. The reason I exist is for you. Don't be hesitant to talk to me...about whatever is bothering you. Even if it's not slightly important. I'm here, okay?"
"Okay, J. I'll talk to you if I need to. But I don't need to right now. Leave me alone."
"Okay, Britney. I'll leave you alone. But I'd really wish you'd tell me what's wrong." He gave her one last, understanding look, and walked out the door.
*****
Weeks went by without Britney hearing about Christina. Britney kept touring, and Justin kept his distance from her, touring with NSYNC, but it was like Christina had disappeared off the face of the Earth. She hadn't seen Christina's face in a magazine, or a newspaper, or on the TV, since the photo shoot for Teen People. Rumors spread that she was in the hospital, or that she had run away from the stressful music business, or that she was killed. Britney had asked Johnny Wright where Christina was, and he had only told her that she was sick. Sick? What had happened to her? Britney couldn't help but believe that it was her fault. Was it because her heart just couldn't take anymore pain, and she was so emotionally sick she couldn't be THE Christina Aguilera anymore?
Britney felt heartbreak herself some days and had to cancel some concerts, leaving fans wondering what was going on. Justin was really worried about her, and didn't know what to think. When he tried to talk to her, she'd tell him to leave him alone, so he didn't talk to her at all anymore. He just stared at his phone, wishing and hoping that it would ring, and it would be Britney. And he prayed she would tell him what was wrong, and then everything would be fine, and he didn't have to be so hurt and concerned. Chapter 5
Weeks turned into months, until finally The New York Times and other sources had spilled what had happened to Christina. She had developed lung cancer in her right lung, probably from inhaling cigarette smoke, and that she was in the hospital, and would be dead in a matter of days.
When Britney heard the news, she was even more heartbroken then she already was, and she wanted to die. How could she go on without Christina? With tears in her large puffed brown eyes, she called Johnny and demanded the hospital where Christina was staying at. Johnny told her with much protest of her going there, but she ignored his pleads, and canceled some tour dates to go to St. Michael's Hospital in Toronto, Canada.
Her bodyguard, Rob, escorted her into the hallway outside of Christina's room. A nurse ran out of the room and spotted Britney.
"She's not going to make it throught the night," She told Britney, and Britney could see wetness in her eyes, as she knew a young talent was going to waste,"You can go see her. I'll leave you alone with her for a few minutes."
Britney walked uncertainly into the dimly lit room, and saw Christina, in a bed with tubes hooked up all over her body, and a respirator that helped her breathe.
"Britney?" Christina's voice was more raspy than it ever was before, and Britney couldn't believe that it was Christina's voice. "What are you doing here?" She asked with a croak deep down in her throat.
"I came to see you." Britney felt tears welling up in her eyes, as she looked down at Christina, barely moving.
"It's too late now, Brit," Christina's eyes watered. "I'm so sorry."
"No, don't be sorry, Chrissy. I love you. And I'm not just saying that to be nice. I always have loved you. But I'm so sorry that I had to tell you that under these conditions. Please live your last moments in peace."
"I will. And when you reach the gates of Heaven, I'll be there waiting for you, B. You know I will."
Britney felt so bad that she hadn't done something about her feelings for Christina when she could of. Why did she wait for the last minute? All Britney could think about was what could of happened if she told her what she felt for her. And what joy it would bring into both of their lives. And what kisses would of happened if Britney wasn't such a fool. Britney was so sorry that it all had to end like this. Christina, alone, dieing in her hospital bed, without the love that Britney should of given her. She was going to die without the memories of what would of happened between her and Britney, but it didn't. And no matter what she did, say, or thought, this was how it was going to end. All that mattered in Britney's life was going to leave her in one second, the most feared and dreadful second of her whole entire life, and she couldn't take it.
"Brit, do me a favor." After a few minutes had gone by, unexpectedly, Christina spoke.
"What, Christina? Anything." Britney leaned over her bed, and put her hand on Christina's.
"Never forget me."
How could she forget her? She had only known her less than 15 years of her life, but the memories would last her for an eternity."I won't, Chrissy. I promise I won't." And with that, Britney burst into tears.
"Don't cry, Britney. I'll always be with you. When you're lonely, just look up at the sky, and I promise I'll be there, watching over you." Britney wiped her tears away with her sleeve, and looked into Christina's hurting eyes.
"I can't take this pain any longer, Britney. I've fought for so long."
"Don't go, Christina. Please don't go. Don't leave me." Britney pleaded, taking Christina's hand and pressing it against her lips. Christina's hand was so bony now, she could feel her cold brittle bones against her warm lips.
"I love you, Britney." Britney kissed her mouth, and couldn't taste peaches or vanilla, but the sickly scent of the hospital. Still, her mouth stayed there, wanting this moment to last forever, to never let go. The cold bars of the metal bed pressed against Britney's arms as she leaned on them to kiss Christina.
"I love you too, Christina." Britney said, pulling her lips away from Christina's, and smelling the sickly hospital scent that she had just tasted on Christina's lips.
Christina's eyes closed, but she was still breathing. Every breath she took, Britney though Maybe she'll make it. Maybe she won't die. Maybe she'll pull through this and she'll be fine and we could go home and live our life. But Christina's breaths became shorter, and Britney realized she wasn't going to make it.
"Christina, please don't die," Britney prayed, but then thought that was selfish, to just want Christina pull through for her own sake, and not even thinking about the pain it would bring Christina. "I would die for you."
Christina just smiled, but didn't open her eyes. Britney looked down at her face to see her take her last breath. She was gone.