Dan couldn’t figure out why he was in this group. He didn’t know why after his mom had kept on begging him to try out, that he finally gave in. He should of just kept on protesting, saying that he wouldn’t make it. He should of stuck with his excuse that he just wasn’t boy band material.
But he made it. He got cut from the top 5 though, but when Ikaika quit, the boys called him up and told him that he was in O-Town.
Dan’s mother hugged him when he told her the good news. “I knew you’d make it.” She was crying, and Dan could hear her tears, and felt his own tears sliding down his cheek.
Dan was scared of being rejected, but now that he was in he thought it would be a dream come true.
******
That was before he got to know Ashley. Before, Ashley was just someone Dan talked to. Someone that Dan said ‘hey’ to when he passed him in the hall. Ashley was just another contestant in Making The Band, and that was fine with Dan.
But when Dan made it into the group, he started hanging around Ashley more than before. They talked late at night, laughing with each other, joking about what some crazy fan did at TRL today. And Dan would keep Ashley up all night with different tales, both of them laughing until Trevor came into their room and told them to shut up and go to sleep, because they had to get up early tomorrow morning for a press conference.
So then Dan would fall asleep with a big smile on his face.
******
Ashley had a girlfriend. Even though they were in an on/off relationship, it still bothered Dan. Ashley and Shelli would fight to the extreme, then make up and kiss in front of Dan, and it hurt Dan so much he had to tear his eyes away and concentrate on the floor.
Erik would ask him what’s wrong, and Dan would simply shrug and mutter. “Nothing.” Without his eyes leaving the floor.
******
One night, when Ashley and Dan were talking, Dan decided to tell Ashley something important. Besides, they were friends, and Ashley should know.
“I’m gay.” Dan said, his voice wavering.
Ashley didn’t seem surprised in the least. He just shrugged. “Whatever. That’s cool, Dan. Whatever makes you happy, right?”
Dan nodded, not knowing what to say. Ashley leaned forward and hugged him. “Hey, it’s okay. Okay?”
“Yeah.” Dan whispered, and Ashley pulled back. Then they discussed their lives for the rest of the night. Ashley told Dan about his best friend that got screwed up by drugs.
“Jay was a good kid, you know? His parents always expected him to be the best, get the best grades. And he did. Jay was a perfectionist. Everything was perfect in his life. He never thought about drugs or alcohol or anything. Man, he was even saving his virginity until marriage,” Ashley sighed slowly. “But then his life just got turned around. His girlfriend of two years dumped him for some jock, and he failed a test because he spent the night crying over his girlfriend instead of studying. Jay loved her so much, you know? It just hurt him. Well, one of his friends suggested he try drugs, and he did. And he just got hooked.”
“What happened to Jay?” Dan asked curiously.
Ashley frowned. “Jay overdosed one night. He died.”
Dan leaned forward to hug Ashley in a tight embrace. “Ash, I am so sorry.”
Dan could feel Ashley’s breath on his neck as he sighed. “Dan?”
“Yeah?”
“Promise me you’ll never do that shit.”
Dan nodded. “I promise.”
******
When Shelli and Ashley didn’t fight for over 3 weeks, Dan began to worry. He was in love with Ashley, and even though it seemed selfish, he didn’t want Ashley to be with Shelli.
Shelli and Ashley went out on a date one evening. Trevor and Jacob had gone to a club to party, drink, and bring girls home to have sex with afterwards. Erik was sleeping in the other room, and now Dan was all alone in his room, watching re-runs of The Simpsons.
Dan now wanted to leave. Leave O-Town and leave Ashley. He didn’t want to be in the same band as someone that he was in love with. He couldn’t stand when Ashley kissed Shelli, or when Ashley talked about some hot girl in some video that he had just seen on MTV. He wanted Ashley all to himself, and that just wasn’t possible.
So he called Jacob, who was at the club with Trevor and told him to bring him some drugs.
There was a long pause on the other line of the phone. “Why, Dan? Man, that shit’ll get you messed up.”
“Just bring me some. K, Jake?” Dan replied automatically.
Jacob sighed into the cell phone, and Dan could hear his loud breath in his ear. “Fine. I’m about to leave this club anyway; all the girls already have boyfriends. That, or Trev hit on them and they got offended or scared or whatever, so they left. Bastard.”
Dan forced himself not to laugh, and instead said. “Alright. I’ll see you in ten.”
“Yeah. Bye.” Dan hung the phone up on the receiver, and waited for Jacob. Ten minutes later, Jacob came through the door, and handed Dan a plastic bag.
“Thanks, Jake.” Dan murmured, and Jacob nodded before heading out the door to Erik’s room.
******
Dan sat cross-legged on the floor, inhaling as deeply as he possibly could. It was bliss. His body was floating on air; his mind soared. Pure fucking ecstasy.
Dan didn’t think about Ashley at all. He didn’t think about the man he could never have; all he could concentrate on was the drugs. It felt like ten orgasms compressed into one.
Dan didn’t want to think about Ashley either; he didn’t want to think about Ashley and then Shelli and then cry. Right now he just wanted to feel good, not bad.
Dan kept inhaling until Ashley walked through the front door, and stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Dan.
“Holy fuck.” Ashley’s voice sounded pissed off.
Dan didn’t say anything; he probably didn’t even realize that Ashley was mad.
“Dan. Fuck. You promised!”
“Huh?” Dan couldn’t concentrate on Ashley’s words.
“Fuck you, Dan.” Ashley stormed out of the room, out as quickly as he came in.
******
Ashley wouldn’t speak to him. Ashley wouldn’t even look at him.
“What the fuck is wrong with you two today?” Erik bluntly asked, breaking the tense silence in the bus.
“Nothing.” Ashley retorted.
“Ash. I don’t want anyone mad at anyone. O-Town just formed recently, for fuck sakes. We can’t break up.”
Ashley didn’t reply, so Erik turned to Dan. “Dan? Would you mind telling me what’s wrong?”
“Ashley is mad at me.” Dan murmured.
“Well, duh. What did you do?”
“Ask Jake.”
Erik rolled his eyes and turned to Jacob. “Jake? What did Dan do?”
Jake opened his eyes, and groaned exhaustedly. “Dan smoked marijuana.”
“Am I the last one to know about this?”
Jake shrugged. “Yeah.”
“What the fuck were you thinking, Dan?”
“Erik, maybe you should mind your own business.” Trevor snapped at him.
“Well, these two aren’t working it out. It’s my business now.”
“Fuck. I don’t want to hear you complaining about them. It’s their business.” Trevor said and returned back to reading his book.
No one said anything after that. Five minutes after complete silence, the bus pulled over and the driver boomed. “Mr. Underwood requested McDonald’s?”
Jacob instantly got up and walked out of the bus, followed by Trevor and Erik. Ashley and Dan stayed in the bus, staring at the walls, until Ashley spoke.
“Why did you do that, Dan?”
Dan gulped and paused for a minute before replying. “I’m sorry, Ash. I just had to get shit off my back.”
“What shit?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why not? I thought we told each other our secrets.”
“It’s…everything, Ash. Everything.” Dan leaned forehead against his right palm, and breathed loudly.
“It’s not necessary. Was it?”
Dan nodded, not being able to look at Ashley. “I’m so sorry, Ash. I know I promised. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. You know, for getting mad at you and everything. We all make mistakes. Everyone does,” Ashley sighed. “Just because we’re in a boy band doesn’t mean we’re perfect, even if our fans think we are. Right?”
“Yeah. We’re not perfect. I’m so sorry.”
They didn’t say anything in a few more minutes of awkward silence. Ashley’s voice interrupted it again. “Dan? Why did you do it?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Come on. Tell me. Please?”
“No.”
“Is it that big of a secret?”
“Yes.”
Ashley waited a few more seconds before speaking again. “Was it because of me?”
Dan looked at Ashley, wondering how he could of figured that out. Dan nodded.
“You’re gay. It has something to do with me. Hm.” Ashley paused, pretending to think hard.
Dan swallowed hard. He knew he was blushing, he could feel his cheeks turning red.
“Admit it, Dan.” Ashley said softly.
“Admit what?”
“Admit that you love me.”
Dan didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and then just burst with words. “So what if I love you, Ash? It’s fucking impossible not to! I don’t even know how you found out; I was going to keep it a secret--.”
Ashley kissed him.
Dan couldn’t breathe. It was what he had always wanted; what he always dreamed of after Trevor told them both to shut up and go to sleep after long nights of chatting and laughing, keeping Trevor up.
And now he got his dream. Dan’s dream wasn’t to be in O-Town. It wasn’t to be famous. It wasn’t to make millions. It was Ashley. It always was Ashley.
As Ashley pulled away and whispered into Dan’s ear, “I love you too.” Dan made a mental note to himself to thank his mother for making him audition for Making The Band.
Now Dan had a reason for being in O-Town.