Dear Dain, I see you're living up to your "writer-holic" image. Great to see you so fast off the mark in getting your story in. I've really enjoyed reading it. However, I should mention that you're over the maximum length for WIER submissions, I'm afraid, so I'll only be replying to the first half of your story. Sorry about that, but we've got to make sure we're fair to all the students... I really like the energy of this story; it moves along quickly and with verve. You start off immediately with a lively conflict that is conveyed both through character and through the plot. Jarod (shouldn't it be Jared?) is the kind of hero we like - honest, unconventional, and not rebellious. He's facing the forces of evil -conformity, corruption and bad manners - in the form of the despicable Mr. Gunther. There's a lot of energy in the language as well; by capturing the tone of the conversation between these two (the protagonist and antagonist), you also capture their characters. Nicely done. It's interesting to note that the nuance of the conversation between Jarod and his sympathetic friends is very different. Lots of evidence of very skilled writing here; you're a Grade 8, student, right? Pretty amazing. I do have some suggestions for revision, though. I should say here that for me revising IS writing; I revise like crazy and in fact mostly enjoying reworking, refining, playing with what I've already done. I know this can be hard on younger writers, especially when they start off with a lot of talent and enthusiasm, but please do be patient with this approach. I think you'll find it really pays off. First of all, there's the issue of plot credibility. This is set in L.A, right? In this political context, it's not realistic to have the control of a major city newspaper so explicitly under the thumb of the Mayor. So the dialogue line “No, you’re supposed to express the opinions of our sponsors, which happen to be Spencer and his party, or did you forget that?" which you put in Gunther's mouth isn't very realistic. He'd phrase it more indirectly, and more sleazily, probably. Also allied with this is Jarod's decision to leave a note full of swear words behind. Appropriate enough activity for an enraged 13 year old, but less so for an adult... Not that some adults wouldn't leave that kind of note, but it makes Jarod less appealing, as far as I'm concerned, because it seems just immature. This leads to another suggestion for revision. The energy of this story is so ebullient that it's fun, there's a satirical edge to Jared's vision of the world that comes out as comic in some ways, and I like that. But I think you're over-writing a bit in some places. Gunther shouting and screaming at Jared, the extreme hatred he feels for Jared, his physical unattractiveness - these all feel a bit overblown. It's easy enough for us not to like him because he's a corrupt editor until the thumb of a corrupt politician; you don't need all these trimmings to make sure he dislikes him. Do you think you might want to pull back a little, make him a more realistic character, the way Eric and Becca are more down-to-earth and believable? Well, I don't want to drive you insane with all these suggestions for revision. Please get back to me and let me know what you think. And thanks for sending this in; I really enjoyed it! Rhea T. Dear Rhea, I've made some changes to one part but I'm still working on the other.  I'm not sure if I've already posted this but if I did I'm sorry this is the better one of the two.  I'll get back to you with the rest of the changes in the whole story.  Please get back to me with your thoughts. “I’m a reporter, I’m supposed to express the opinions of the readers and myself.” Gunther was starting to get on my nerves. “Maybe you're confused, you see me and Spencer have been friends for a long time.  Yesterday we had dinner and discussed your article and to say the least we were both less than impressed.  I'm sure you know what that means?" Gunther ran his thumb along his throat and laughed. Dear Dain, I like the bit of revision you sent in; I think it works really well to make the pressure on Jared more believable. The only thing I'd suggest isn't quite in line is Gunther's "cut-throat" gesture at the end. The dialogue is probably all you need there. Rhea T. Dear Rhea,         I re-read my paragraph and I understand what your saying with the "cut-throat" gesture.  I realize it was a little over the top.  Thanks for responding! Adios Amigo, Dain Great Dain. Hope you class joins up for WIER again; I've been enjoying the writing. Good luck with your writing!   Rhea T.