Cathartic Guacamole

(This is mine. I know this isn't a soup, but it's one of my favorite things, so deal with it.)

You'll need 3 avocados, one jalapeno pepper, one onion, a handful of cilantro, and salt. No cooking is involved.

How do you tell if an avocado is good? Uh... well, it shouldn't be too hard and it shouldn't be too soft. Goldilocks says that it should be JUUUUUST right. Peel the skin. It's really fun. Use your fingernail to break the skin and tear it off. If you've gotten a really good piece of fruit, the skin should just peel right off with a happy ripping sound. Now, remove the seed. This is even MORE fun. Just squish the fruit and tear out the round seed. You can do this as violently or as sensually as you like. Or some of you might like the violent sensuality of it. I don't want to know. Put the peeled and seeded avocados in a bowl and blow the naked fruit a kiss. You'll come back to them a little later.

Dice the jalapeno. (You can keep or toss the seeds, your choice. I don't use the seeds in this recipe. I just don't find them aesthetically pleasing in the guacamole.) Uh... be careful. After you do this, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly to get the hot stuff off. Don't rub your eyes or touch any part of your body that might be... uh... sensitive. (I had a male friend who cut some peppers for a steak sandwich and then went to the bathroom. Things got very warm and very uncomfortable very fast.) Toss the little pieces of the pepper into the bowl with the avacados.

Now, you're only going to need a 1/4 cup of the onion. So, estimate what you'll need from the onion and peel and cut it. (I usually use half of an onion and save the rest for nostalgia.) Dice, dice, dice, (cry, cry, cry) and throw it in the bowl.

On to the cilantro. Cut up a tablespoon of the leaves into teeny-tiny pieces and throw them in the bowl. I don't usually use the stems because the texture just isn't right.

Here's the cathartic part. Take the bowl full of goodies. Get a wooden spoon. Mash, mash, mash. Mash until the mixture becomes smooth and creamy. By the principle of entropy, the onions, jalapenos, and cilantro should be evenly spread amidst the avocado mush. Salt to taste.

You have guacamole and a balanced state of mind.

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