DIETING SUCKS. i tried it many, many times before and it really does suck. i haven't been overweight all my life...just the majority of it. i think i prolly started gaining massive amounts of weight during 4th grade. i look normal in 4th grade school photo and even ran my fastest mile that year--8 min & 24 sec--that year. but by 5th grade, i was chubby. so...somewhere between 4th grade photo day & 5th grade photo day, i gained all that weight.

i know how i gained all that fat...and it wasn't cuz i ate a lot. wel, not exactly. i always ate a lot...as long as i can remember. i recall that i finished 2.5 big macs when i was in 2nd grade. it's just that i started eating ramyun everyday after school. not only did i eat the noodles, but i then added rice into the soup so that i could eat even more. why ramyun, you might ask? it was the only thing i could make pretty well @ that time. i mean, i'm sorry, but if you can't make ramyun, that's pretty pathetic.

anyway, i ate so much ramyun...that running everday 1/2 mile uphill & 1/2 mile downhill didn't help much. once i stopped eating so much ramyun, i figured i shoud diet. how'd i get such a great idea at the age of 11? my mother & grandmother.

you know, telling a kid that he/she is fat is not nice. my self-esteem shot down so fast & so hard that the daily "you are so beautiful, baby" from my daddy didn't really help all that much. i knew i was overweight, but i didn't know it was such a big deal for me, being a woman's size 7/8 at height 5'3"~

my appetite decreased greatly. i was eating way less than most of my friends that were way shorter than i. but i didn't lose any weight. "why am i so fat?? why am i so ugly??" i hated myself, just as i'm sure many other kids that age hated themselves. i just couldn't understand how my daddy could think i was beautiful.

thank goodness i always had long feet. i started "growing into" them. i had growth spurts in 6th-7th grade, to the point that, at times, i grew an inch in a month or two. of course i didn't grow that much every month, but up to about 9th grade, i grew to about 5'8"~ during this time, i didn't gain a LOT of weight. my fat became a lil more distributed throughout my body. i got a lil more toned during these years (volleyball and track & field helped quite a bit too).

i'm still not skinny to this day. i doubt i ever will be. i think that, even if i did lose a lot of weight, i wouldn't look all that thin, due to my big bone structure. we may never know~

i guess it's ok to be told when your weight is a danger to your health, but there are always nicer ways to go about saying things like that. i know from experience that being told you're fat or ugly can be devastatingly hurtful. adults, especially should know not to say things like that...or at least more than once. too bad i couldn't look beyond that all these years. i wouldn't have been so insecure about myself my whole life.