***

Love Stinks
By RubyD
Part 3

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He could hardly believe what he just heard. Dear lord. They *wanted* him? This was bad . . . Or good. Depending on how everything was going to turn out. But right at that moment it was damn terrifying. He'd better lock the lab door behind him.

The street lights were just beginning to turn on, and the air was refreshingly open. Watari ran all the way back to his lab, dark green coat whipping in the wind. It wasn't that far. Though he figured teleporting or flying would have been quicker, the scientist was too unnerved to take the energy to focus hard enough. Which was saying a lot, since he *liked* flying. Loved it. Who wouldn't? Except it required a clear mind.

003 greeted him at the door, flailing as he brushed past her and dove into his notes. The papers were in chaotically strewn throughout the room, having been on the table the experiment helped in knocking over. Watari sighed in frustration - he'd be searching for hours.

And there was cleaning to do. The now sickeningly-sweet smell of the chemicals were as strong as ever, having to simmer all day and filling the lab.

He grabbed a bucket and mop from the closet. If just a tiny whiff of the formula caused such an effect in Tsuzuki, Hisoka, and Tatsumi, the thought of someone inhaling all the fumes while he was in the room was not appealing. Better open all the windows, too.

The tiny owl, confused by her companion's odd the behavior, settled onto his head while he played janitor. Honestly, humans were so quirky.

Watari, on his part, noted that 003 wasn't acting any differently. Perhaps it didn't work on birds. No matter, he was glad - an amorous owl would just be strange. Amorous, what a word. Was it French? Probably. They always had fun words. Like fromage. And poupon.

"I'll give you a treat later," he said.

003 cooed. Quirky he was, but kind.

As he cracked down on the spilled potion, he went over several pages of notes. A lot of it didn't have any pertinent information - actually, most of the papers contained doodles. There was not much to do while having something boil and stew for an hour. Many, many doodles, though ones he'd never imbue *life* into. Ohoho! Why, look, there was the drawing of him accepting the award for the Best Chemist in the Known Universes from a squiggly Tatsumi. Chicken scratches, really. A child could have had pulled it off with more panache. In spite of it being so stick-figurey, it'd be a fantastic reality. Hee, hee.

Sigh . . .

There he went again, daydreaming and backtracking and all when he should be finding the exact cause for the problems he'd created - and then figure out a cure. No time to waste! Soon, the lab was dry again and papers were in a pile on his computer. Watari kept a closed test-tube full of the formula for future reference, but dumped the rest and watched as it protested and bubbled noisily down the sink drain. Good. Now there was only the smell to contend with, which seemed to have permanently affixed itself to his skin. Damn.

He went over to the papers and sat down. Numbers and equations filled up half of the more useful pages, and notes took up the other. He scanned quickly through them, looking for the most current ones. Restoration of the cell structure after burns. The effects of prolonged exposure to the cold on a Shinigami. Jottings about curses and anti-curses and magic. No, none of these.

Ah, here it was. Experiments: gender-switching formula, take nine. Watari greedily ran through the steps in the data. Oh dear, what was that smudge on the list of chemicals needed?

Shit.

It was the enzymes of a moth. He's put too much in. About ten times the amount called for, because of a misplaced decimal point. That had reacted with the pheromones, which in turned ionized the Chemical Blue -

To put it in Layman's Term; he'd created a -

A -

A love potion!

This . . .

This was wonderful! It worked so well, too! This was the salvation of all the love-less people in the world who gazed at the object of their affections from afar! The perfume of the Gods! Think of all the possibilities that would arise - long lines of stores carrying beautiful bottles of pink liquid with only a drop of the potion. He even had a name for the product!

"The Freddy-kun!" Watari shouted, almost dancing.

003 hooted at her manic partner. Steady there!

And then Watari stopped, the realization that he had exposed his *co-workers* to the potion hitting home. That added new questions: did the effects of the potion fade? Or was it permanent? Love makes you wacky. Maybe he should be taking advantage of this. He had been meaning to ask Tatsumi for more supplies -

No, that would be abusing power. These were his friends, for goodness's sake. And he had a suspicious feeling of what Tatsumi would ask in return.

Watari would have to make some anti-love potion. He had all night to work on it, at least, and no one would bother him, hopefully . . .

. . . But first, a shower! Got to get the smell off.

There was a small area in the back of the lab that he had converted into his own bathroom. The modified shower was one of those emergency ones all science rooms had in case of, oh, acid, chemical spills, fire . . . Pull a lever and the water would start. Watari had added the ducky-print curtains and towel rack later on.

The scientist found yet another spare set of clothes (he had a lot of those) and arranged them on a chair. Then he stripped off his garments and stepped in. The warm water poured with a hiss, and he covered himself with soap and shampoo, scrubbing furiously. Hopefully, the potion came off.

So intent on getting rid of the smell was he that he didn't notice the shadowy figure looming up beside the curtains.

"Hello, Watari-san," the figure said.

Watari jerked his neck around, screamed, and stumbled back. He grabbed the curtains, which were weak, and it fell around him. The shower was still running. Fighting the cheap plastic, the blonde sat up and stared.

"Bon?!" he gasped, keeping the curtains around his waist and standing. "How did you get in?" He had locked the door, didn't he?

Hisoka was blushing hard enough to hail a cab as he looked on the Shinigami. "I climbed in through the window. Did I disturb you?"

"I'm taking a shower! What do you think?!" Why? Oh why? He found his clothes and held them protectively against his chest. "Do you mind? I need to put these on . . . "

"Not at all, go ahead and change." Hisoka remained facing him.

"I mean, could you turn around?" Please, oh please. Being nude normally didn't bother him, but this was hardly normal.

The teen made a sound of "Ahh . . . " but politely did as he was asked. Right, polite. As if interrupting someone in the shower was considered the epitome of a well-mannered person. "I'm sorry about what happened at Tatsumi-san's house," he said without looking back.

"Um, you don't have to apologize," Watari said as he struggled to put on his boxers and pants. The dark brown shirt slipped over his wet hair, blocking him momentarily from sight. But when the collar came down, he found Hisoka only inches from his face.

"Oh, but I want to," he said softly and, Watari was alarmed to think, seductively.

"That's okay - "

Small hands placed themselves on his chest, pushing. The scientist was backed up into a wall, the cool stone unyielding. "I'm *very* sorry."

"This isn't you, you're not like this - "

"I know," he said. "I know I've been cold, and stand-offish in the past; I know that I can be too distant sometimes, but that's just me. I really am sorry for that." His thin hands trailed around until he was hugging the man.

His heart pounded nervously onwards. This is so wrong. "Ah, Hisoka - "

"You said my name." The young Shinigami's emerald eyes were shining with happiness. "Does than mean you think of me as an equal, Watari?" He rested his cheek on him, sighing deeply. Sniff, sniff.

Damn, the scent was still strong. It didn‘t wash off! He wanted to cry.

"I don't know what's come over me, lately - "

"Oh, I do," Watari muttered.

"But all I know is that I really like you. I want you."

He bolted, running straight for the door in outright panic. Hisoka was a great kid and all but . . . no. No, no, no, no, no! Unfortunately, the "kid" had amazing speed and tackled the escaping scientist, sprawling them both on the floor. The teen quickly rolled him over and straddled his torso.

"Don't be afraid," Hisoka whispered, giving a wicked smile, tracing the blonde's chin. "I don't really know what I'm doing but . . . "

Think, Watari, think, find a way out of this . . . "003! Help!"

In a fury of feathers the owl began attacking Hisoka's hair. 003 shrieked and scratched his scalp, digging in with her tiny talons. The teen waved his arms, trying to get at the bird. Watari took this opportunity to heave the boy off of him and rush to his feet.

The lock, the lock, just unlock the damned door! He fumbled with the knob, cold fingers finally opening the exit.

"Watari, wait!"

He didn't answer, and scurried out.

"Damn it."


TBC



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Notes: My, this involves a lot of running . . . this chapter is strange.
Do you have any Grey Poupon? I miss that commercial.
"Fromage" is French for cheese. Was there a point? No. I happen to like cheese.

Oh, and this little idea popped into my brain while writing this chapter. Since I have no where else to put it, I'm tacking it along on here. It has no grammar or structure whatsoever.

In case you didn't know, 003 is a girl. A GIRL. I think. Maybe.

*

Agent Double-Oh-Three: There's No Tomorrow When You're Dead
A Side Story
By RubyD

Why does everyone keep insisting that Watari doesn't have a partner? Sure, he doesn't go out into the field all that much, nor does he have to since he‘s everyone's doctor, but when they do think up a mission they send that - that THING along with us. Goushoshin. *I'm* Watari's partner! Not you! I don't think you're really even a BIRD. You wear clothes, for God's sake, clothes! Do you know how silly that looks, when you have perfectly adequate feathers? Do you? Huh? HUH?

Anyway, I'll say it again. I am Watari's partner. Who else can it be? I'm with him constantly, wake him up in the morning, bug him when he hasn't left for a meeting, and actually listens to him. None of you know how great he is, how experimenting in his lab gives such an utter and sheer joy when he's created something. He's quite a smart man. It makes me happy to see him happy.

Oh dear, another meeting. Come on Watari, it's time to go! I flap and flap and flap, making owlish whistles towards the door. He looks up from his book of notes and sees the clock. He puts the papers down and leaves with me on his shoulder. Really, what would he do without me?

The meeting is boring, of course. Green and Purple Eyes are there. The Boss. Tatsumi and the anthropomorphic ducks. Unlike my partner's voice, I don't pick up the other's speech all too well, but I'll try to translate what I think they said.

Tatsumi: "There is a problem. Spirits wandering. Go, save them, Watari."

Everyone else: "My hero."

At least, that was the gist of it.

Tatsumi: "And take the chicken with you."

The red-hat Goushoshin bows.

WHAT?!

Green Eyes looks at me as I circle above Tatsumi‘s head. That boy senses too much. Right now I'm pondering if I should let one go - you know what *that* means, right? But I can‘t. Watari's right there, and I don't want to embarrass him in front of everyone. I'll have my revenge later.

The meeting ends. They all exit, and I trail behind. But fortunately, so does Goushoshin. No one's watching.

So I sneak up behind it and . . .

Kamikaze owl deployed!

DIVE BOMB!!!

"SCREEEECH!"

"Waaaaahhh!" it screams down the hall, going the opposite way from the group. Idiot.

He's my partner! Stay away! Stay away! I'll kill you if you go anywhere near him!

How undignified. Look at it, squawking and fluttering around in terror as I give chase. Don't you have a vertebrae? And Tatsumi sent THAT along with my Watari? How insulting. I peck at it and peck at it until we're both outside. Hah, take that! It cowers under a tree branch, just staring at me.

"Please don't hurt meeee!" it cries.

Wimp, I hoot as I fly away. That'll teach you.

I'm Watari's partner. Remember that next time.


The End

*

Note2: The story didn't really have anything to do with James Bond, did it? Ah, c'est la vie.