Episode 6
"After some great competitions and lots of skill, we are down to two teams; Team so-happy-and-perky-they-make-you-want-to-puke vs. Team too-overly-creative-to-be-evil. This is not the first time these two teams have met. They previously fought for world domination, although it was then lowered to just Paraguay, through a euchre game. Hence, it is quite fitting that they are the finalists in today's competition.
"Speaking of the finalists, here they come now! Entering the arena is Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!) and Princess Jen (silence) of Team too-happy. Those seem to be very interesting uniforms they are wearing, what would you call those, George?"
"I call it a chance to let me speak cuz you finally shut up, is what I call it. But, Bob, I see that they went to extreme measures when chosing tonight's outfit. It seems to me that they have found a way to get blacks to match! What an amazing concept! It takes am immense amount of concentration to be able to do that. This will surely help them in tonight's match, " replied Cheesy Announcer George.
Skipping happily, Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!) and Princess Jen (silence) entered the arena. Princess Jen (silence) was doing that wave that drives crowds mad. A wave so good, she may have to be promoted to queen some day [not until she masters the 'touch the pearls' wave though -ed.] While Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!) stopped every few feet to wow the crowd with her super hero poses.
Entering the arena at the other end was Team overly-creative; Evil Sheild Stealer Giggle Boy (hehe) and Overly Creative Mean guy (bwah ha ha). They walked toward the tic-tac-toe board pulling a llama behind them.
"I see that Team overly-creative has brought a llama, this is blatantly a tactic to pysche out the other team. For those viewers who have not heard the story, [Which if you haven't heard the story, but are reading this one, you must be one of those wierd people who read the last page of a book first cuz you HAVE to know what happens at the end. Piece of advice...go back and start at episode one, idiot! -ed.] Team too-happy had lost the llamas in the euchre match, I wonder if this will really have any effect on them," said Cheesy Announcer Bob,
As the two teams met at the tic-tac-toe board Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!) looked over at Overly Creative Mean Guy (bwah ha ha) and said, "Your sneers mean nothing to us, we are used to being sneered at by all the hopeless goths we save every day. I admire that you think you can pysche us out by bringing a llama, Fred the llama to boot, but, what you do not understand is that we have brought the secret weapon! Show them Princess Jen (silence)!" Princess Jen (silence) then took a tulip out of her pocket and started waving it at Fred the llama. Fred instantly responded by jumping over the tic-tac-toe board (while knocking over Evil Shield Stealer Giggle Boy (hehe) in the process [way to go Fred! Knew there was a reason we kept you in the story line! -ed.]), and ran to Princess Jen (silence).
Jumping into a super hero pose (as the crowd ooohs) Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!) replied with the universal fuck you symbol of sticking out her tongue. "So there!"
"Well, can you believe that, George? The llama, who seems to be going by the name of Fred, has jumped sides with Team too-happy. I believe their plan has backfired!" said Cheesy Announcer Bob
"Quite frankly, Bob, I really don't give a shit. Thankfully the gold medal is being brought into the arena so we can begin," replied Cheesy Announcer George.
"Right you are George, the Gold medal of the tic-tac-toe event for world domination is being brought into the arena by Jena the Mega Pimpin' Industrial Bitch (crackhead!) followed by her hoe with the most seniority, Senior Hoe-Bitch Mac Daddy (whimper, whimper). You know George, Jena the Mega Pimpin' Industrial Bitch (crackhead!) is a former gold medal winner in the hoe vaulting competition. As she gets closer to the board, I see that the traditional gold medal has been replaced by a pimpdallion containing the RevCo symbol. What a great surprise for our teams! I also believe she is saying something, but just can't make it out..." said Cheesy Announcer Bob.
"I believe it has something to do with, but don't quote me on it, 'Bitch better have all my money'. Yes, Bob, I do believe that is it. 'Bitch better have all my money'. You know, that is great symbolism for what is going on tonite, one of these teams is definately wanting all the money the bitch has!" said Cheesy Announcer George.
After the playing of the Perky Goff Olympics offical song, "Everyday Is Halloween", Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!) and Evil Shield Stealer Giggle Boy (hehe) stepped up to the board to begin the game. Using the "I'm gonna brand you like the hoe you are" strategy, Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!) took a strong lead, but then things went wrong. Very wrong. Team too-happy started to lose. Turning to Princess Jen (silence) Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!) said, "Oh, Princess Jen (silence), I just don't know if I can take it! My morale is dropping like unconventional conventionists after the time warp!"
Just then Kait the Goffy Cheerleader (rah! rah!) ran into the arena in one of those cheerleader runs with her hands on her hips. Jumping up and down, waving her pom poms in the air, she said, "Don't worry Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!), you can do it! I'll help cheer you on! Rah, rah, ree! Kick 'em in the knee! Rah, rah rass! Kick them in the other knee!" [ahh, such fond memories of soccer in gym class -ed.]
Feeling much better at the sheer idea of having a goffy cheerleader by her side, Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!) turned back to the board with great concentraion and confidence. Just as she was beginning to make her move, she realized, once and again, that Team overly-creative had been cheating! Again!
"You've been cheating again! How could you do this a second time? Didn't you learn your lesson the first time?" declared Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!)
"Cheating??" yelled Jena the Mega Pimpin' Industrial Bitch (crackhead!) "Boy, I'm gonna snatch you by the wig and slap ya like a hoe!" And with that Jena the Mega Pimpin' Industrial Bitch (crackhead!) took the pimpdallion from around her neck and starting choking Evil Shield Stealer Giggle Boy (hehe). With her other hand, she produced a crackpipe in which she started beating him over the head with.
Everyone stood there in awe. Everyone that is except from Kait the Goffy Cheerleader (rah! rah!) who started cheering her on with the every popular 'You're getting your ass kicked by a pimp' cheer. Even Senior Hoe-Bitch Mac Daddy replied with a few wimpers. [hoes aren't allowed to talk, so we have brought in a special hoe translator so that you can understand what he is trying to say. Special hoe translator: those whimpers can be easily translated to 'That's my pimp! I love it when she hits people over the head with that crack pipe of hers! Me next mistress!!' this has been a public service announcement for the hoe-impared -ed.]
Jena the Mega Pimpin' Industrial Bitch (crackhead!) continued to whomp on Evil Shield Stealer Giggle Boy's (hehe) ass until her crackpipe broke. After which she started yelling at him for getting blood all over her beautiful pimp jacket. It was only at the point where Overly Creative Mean Guy (bwah ha ha) finally decided that this was wrong and started complaining. "Hey! That's not fair! The pimp isn't allowed to attack us!" he whined.
Kait the Goffy Cheerleader (rah! rah!) replied with the 'Fuck you, it's fun' cheer. Still petting Fred the llama and waving to the crowd, Princess Jen (silence) realized that the fighting had stopped. So she walked over and took the pimpdallion from around Evil Sheild Stealer Giggle Boy's (hehe) neck, held it up in the air and declared, "We win!"
"Is that allowed George? Can they just take the pimpdallion and declare victory like that?" asked Cheesy Announcer Bob.
"Well, Bob, she is a princess and therefore rules the world, [at least in her mind she does. you want to argue with a princess who has a way with llamas? -ed.] so I would have to say, yes. The event is over!! Team too-happy has won the tic-tac-toe game for world domination!!!" screamed Cheesy Announcer George.
Hearing this, Super Happy Gothic Girl (ta da!) jumped up on the board and struck her olympic super hero pose for the crowd. "Once again, the llamas will be free to eat all the tulips they want!" she screamed to the crowd. [that's such a beautiful moment, I think it would be best to end it here. any more could just ruin it...if that's possible to ruin anything already this bad! -ed.]
[p.s. thanks to the pimp and her hoe for helping me with this! -author]
