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| THE WEEK IN PICTURES |
| Officials in Columbia eye a car suspiciously, aware that no one in Columbia can afford one. |
| A group of "glaucoma sufferers" rally for "medicinal" marijuana, but disperse peacefully upon finding out medicinal does not mean "free." |
| Trying to appeal to the majority, the Association of Southern Synagogues tries a new look. |
| Another Fraternity member graduates from Florida State University. |
| Ford introduces the "Snapper," their cheapest, most fuel efficient vehicle to date. |
| Arkansas resident Larry Franklin celebrates his new home with a pot of chili and a case of Schlitz, with unfortunate results. |
| Miss Columbia Andrea Noceti illustrates how big her cheeks would get if she swallowed 50 bags of heroin. |
| The Dalai Lama declares himself "Ultimate Fighting Champion," vowing to "crush any punk asses that try to dis me." |
| BLESS YOU, MR. PRESIDENT |
| President Bush looks pained after being informed he has accidentally and repeatedly referred to Yale as "Princeton." Bush later commented "At least they're both in Rhode Island." |
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| While visiting a hydroelectric plant, President Bush is stunned to find out that water is viable source of energy. When told of solar power, Bush claimed he had "a headache" and needed to sit down. |
| Linguists and grammarians worst fears are realized when George W. Bush meets Yogi Berra. Reporters are unable to comment on the meeting as not one word of sense is uttered. |
| At a Cinco de Mayo celebration, Bush calls mayonnaise "our most valuable condiment," and "far and away Mexico's most valued export." |
| THE WEEK IN SPORTS |
| Failing to attract longtime holdout Donny Wahlberg to a New Kids on the Block reunion, Joey McIntyre enlists injured Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra. "I'm hangin' tough," said Nomar. |
| With money short due to falling cheese prices, Wisconsin is forced to use cheaper materials in building its new Lambeau Field. |
| New Jersey Devils' Peter Sykora finds new and interesting ways to distract Mario Lemieux. |
| F.B.I Agent Fox Mulder tries to find a weakness in the Lakers. "I'm pretty sure Shaq is some sort of sentient being from another world," said Mulder. |
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