These "random thoughts" will no longer be posted on this page, but in my blog instead.
These thoughts weren't so random, but I think they belong here as well. I am a big advocate for gay marriage, and I have a big mouth when it comes to what I believe in! Here are the letters I wrote to the People's Forum of our local newspaper.
Inside the empty crib one day to sleep a tiny babe, would you spray the insides with poision? Would you soak the mattress and the blankets with 409 or Clorox Bleach? Would you seek to clean it, only to find that you cannot fit the mattress in the washing machine, and scrub it endlessly, hoping that it would be fit for the infant to sleep upon when the time came?
Inside the body of a woman who's womb will one day grow a child, would you let cigarette smoke and poision in? Would you take drugs that could be harmful to yourself or to the not yet conceived child? Would you seek to clean your body before the child is conceived, only to find that your body cannot be turned inside out and scrubed clean, that already the damage is done? How hard would you hope that when the time came for a child to grow within you, that your body would be good enough to nurture it as it grew?
~My own thoughts as a pack a day smoker who knows she needs to quit ...
Update: I quit smoking 8/1/04
I only now am realizing how important it is that the person you choose as your mate for life must be your best friend. This person, this one you will choose to marry, to partner with, to build a life with, must be the person you can share all confidences with. You must be able to cry upon their shoulder, laugh with them, bear together all obstacles. You must give your hands to hold, your secrets to keep, and your confidences to be trusted. You must be able to share passion and pain, love and hate, poverty and riches.
Sounds like the vows you take on your wedding day, right? Sounds like all that "bullshit" you hear in books and on tv.
Well, think for a minute. When you were in middle school, high school, or college, how often did you get together with your best friend? Did you talk on the phone every night? See each other at Girl Scouts and Spanish Club once a week? Pass notes in the classroom or in the hall twice a day? Did you think your life was busy and insane with all your homework and trying to pass Driver's Ed?
Me and my friend Sorraine were talking earlier this week about our relationships and how our friendship has changed over the years. We talked about how often she and I talk and get together ... even if its just an hour or two for coffee. She's been with her man for over a year, and I was with someone for three and a half years. We both work full time, have bills to pay, cats to pay attention to, and homes to keep clean and laundry to do. There are no weekly Girl Scout meetings ... we don't have time to talk on the phone for two hours every night. (Mind you, neither one of us have children right now).
Sorraine is probably my best girl friend. The point is, our friendship is not the same as it was when we were in school or living with Mommy and Daddy, or even when we were both single, living in our own apartments with only ourselves to tell where we were going. "Best Friends" doens't mean exactly the same thing as it used to.
Don't expect your friendships to stay the same when you commit to a serious relationship - marriage or the closest thing to it without the paperwork. And make sure that you can call your mate your best friend - and you, his.
There are so many paradoxes in life .... there's an email that goes around spouting tid-bits such as "Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?", etc. But there's a bigger picture and more complex questions ...
One much somehow find a balance between the advice of "Life each day like it were your last!" and "Plan for the future and look at the big picture". Were it known to me that it would be my last day on Earth, I would proabably spend the majority of the day with my friends and family, and near the end of the day, I would quietly retreat, maybe with the few absolutely closest to me, and prepare for my crossing over. I would make sure everyone knew how much I love them. I would probably spend every last penny I had on my loved ones, throwing some kind of big party or trying to repay my debts to them.
But if I look at the big picture, maybe its not the right time yet to say "I love you" to certain people on a regular basis. I can't spend all that money on them - I can't blow my rent on a party or repay the debts I can't afford to right now. I can't make peace with everything I want to because I'm scared of the things that will continue to happen, and will wonder if I'm strong enough to keep that peace.
People say that if you love someone or if you care for someone, you should tell them in case something happens to you and you blew your last chance to let them know. But if I tell a special someone that I love him right now, and tell him every time it wants to burst off my lips, then I'm going to wind up pushing him away, or pushing our relationship somewhere he's not ready for yet. That wouldn't be fair to either one of us.
All this advice that sounds so wonderful and seems to make so much sense when we read it contradicts itself. One must seek to find the balance inbetween.
Why do we tell our children that if a bully hits them on the playground that its not okay to hit back? If big brother steals your toys, its not okay to steal theirs. "Violence doesn't solve anything, children." "No name calling." Yet, we're in Iraq bombing away right now. We've got POWs on the news, people missing, and how many dead? Everyone knows, or at least should know, that the government doens't tell us everything. How many more are missing or dead that no one knows about?
Does it seem like war is the only option? Maybe. Is Saddam is bad man? Yes, he is. Would more people be better off with him out of power? Yes, they would. But when Jeffrey Dahmer was caught for murdering all those innocent men and imprisoned before he was murdered, did we put lock up his mother and father and family as well? Did we see them murdered as well? NO - only the person who did the crime did the time.
I'm not saying I have a better answer. I'm not naive enough to think that Saddam is going to come out of hiding and say "Oops! Wow, did I ever fuck up! Here, I surrender. Do with me what you will. Gee, I'm really sorry about all that." But I still don't think war is right and I don't think it teaches our children anything positive.
I admire the people who have joined the armed forces for wanting to protect our country. I could never do it. I could not follow orders telling to release a bomb that may kill innocent people. I don't know what thoughts run through the minds of those behind those triggers.
To be honest, this war makes me literally sick to my stomach and I am having a hell of a time dealing with it right now. I have two friends over there right now - one in Afghanastan and one in Qatar. I have another who may be shipping out soon as well as other people I know who are in the reserves. Andre, George, Rico - may the Lord and Lady hold you all close and see you safely home.
All views expressed on this page are mine, and mine alone. They are not intended to pacify, upset, antagonize or anything else, anyone. They are simply "Random Thoughts" that I'm sharing with whoever chooses to read them.