When Maxwell woke up it was still dark outside. The Midnight Staple Remover was nowhere to be seen and the ground was littered with staples. Setting his hand down to push himself up he yelped in pain only to find a small common metallic item embedded in his palm. He quickly removed the staple, ignoring the minuscule amount of blood, and stood up. A glance at his watch told him that he had been out for about 15 minutes. Stretching and feeling a rather large bump on the back of his head, he decided that he had better get help from the Shaman and Elders before facing her again.
Maxwell managed to stagger back to his dorm room with a splitting headache. Fortunately he had Excedrin in his drawer. He popped a couple of those, hopped into bed, and was soon in dreamland.
The following day was Saturday and Maxwell was determined to find the yellow boots he needed. “Hey Amanda, wait up,” Maxwell called down the hall. Amanda was one of the girls who lived on the fourth floor of his hall. “Ok, um, well, it’s kinda strange asking this but, um, I know you have a large shoe collection and, um, I was wondering if you possibly knew where I could find yellow boots?”
“Yellow boots? Uh, well a few of us were just about to go to Shoo Fettishe; you’re welcome to come along but I don’t know if they have yellow boots,” Amanda replied with a slight look of bewilderment on her face.
“Yeah, that works. I’ll come along and see ‘cuz I really need those boots.” Maxwell started to follow her down the hall when someone grabbed his arm. He turned to see that it was Dini, Amanda’s roommate.
“Hey Max, could you do me a favor while you’re out with Amanda and the others?” Dini asked.
“Sure, what?”
“Could you keep her away from the thigh high boots? Lately she has been dressing in those, and some other skimpy clothing, and leaving for 20-25 minutes every night around midnight. I’m a little worried about what she would do if she ever got more boots like that.”
“Uh, sure. I can see what I can do.”
“Thanks, I’ll owe ya.” Maxwell turned to look at the pair of figures waiting for him at the end of the hall. Polly was apparently one of the others coming with them.
Returning to his room after a long day of shoe shopping Maxwell felt complete. He had, in his hands, a pair of yellow leather boots. He was very proud of those boots, and they were on sale, which made Maxwell even happier.
Maxwell sat down and began the final stages of his costume design. Fortunately George was gone for the weekend so Maxwell had the room to himself. He suddenly became very thankful for taking Home Ec. in high school. Those sewing abilities were coming in handy.
It only took Maxwell a few hours to complete the outfit. He tried it on with an air of satisfaction only to look in the mirror and realize that he looked very strange. He was very skinny, and the green spandex and yellow boots on a skinny guy combination was just not working. Had he had more muscles it might have looked better. Undaunted and determined to help the squirrels he removed his new outfit and waited for nightfall.
Around 11:30 or so Maxwell donned his new outfit (yet again), and went to look for the Brown Squirrel Elder and the Grey Squirrel Shaman. Keeping his promise, he went to the Elder first.
“Ah Maxwell, I was wondering when I was going to see you again,” the Elder said as Maxwell approached him removing his mask. “It is time for me to give you what I promised. Hand me your mask.” Maxwell set the mask down in front of the Elder. He didn’t know why the Elder wanted the mask but he didn’t want to ask. As it turned out he didn’t have to.
“Maxwell as you know the Grey Squirrel Shaman told you that he could only help you if you gave yourself a new identity.”
“That’s right,” Maxwell replied, “that is why I created this.” He pointed to himself indicating the green and yellow spandex outfit he was wearing.
“Then you must also realize that these powers we give you can only go to your new identity. That is why I asked for the mask. Only when the mask is on and you are hiding your human self are you ever that other identity. Therefore I bestow upon this mask the great squirrel abilities: Squirrel hearing, Squirrel vision, and Squirrel climbing.” A slight glow emanated from the Elders hand/paw and enveloped the mask. With these abilities you will be able to hear, see, and climb like a normal squirrel. Now hurry Maxwell, we do not have much time left. As much as I hate the Grey Squirrel Shaman our safety from the evil that lies under the grass is more important.”
“Don’t worry Elder, I will not fail you.” With that Maxwell bowed humbly and left.
Maxwell hurried over to the Grey Squirrel Shaman as he only had 15 minutes till midnight. The Shaman was awaiting his arrival. “Maxwell, good to see you,” said the raspy-voiced Shaman. “I’m assuming you have seen the Brown Squirrel Elder?” Maxwell nodded. “Then I do not need to explain much. Give me your mask.” Maxwell gave up his mask for the second time and waited for the Shaman to finish with it.
“There you are Maxwell,” the Shaman said when he was finished. “You now have everything you need to defeat your enemy. I have given you Squirrel strength and the knowledge of Squirrel fu.”
“Squirrel fu?” Maxwell asked.
“It is similar to several of your martial arts styles put together only designed for us squirrels. There is no real way to explain it. Quickly now, your enemy will not wait.” Maxwell bowed humbly again and was off to face the Midnight Staple Remover. Donning his mask he noticed that the spandex seemed a little more snug. His boots fit better though; they weren’t as loose.
Maxwell stood triumphantly in front of the message boards. No, he was not Maxwell, he was now SQUIRRELMAN. Dressed in a yellow boots with green spandex pants, yellow briefs, a green spandex shirt, yellow gloves with cut out fingers, and a green mask, he was prepared for anything. With his spiffy logo on his chest Squirrelman looked . . . well . . . he looked . . . kinda ridiculous, but that’s beside the point. The point is that the University of Oregon campus now had a new superhero, and that superhero was Squirrelman.
This night would have been perfect for Squirrelman’s debut except for one teeny, tiny detail, the Midnight Staple Remover wasn’t there. Squirrelman’s chest deflated as he realized that his foe was absent. Hanging his head with sadness, Squirrelman remembered something that had happened earlier that day.
WAVY LINES
“Man, it’s a good thing that Maxwell kept me from buying anymore shoes. That just would have been more debt for me to pay off later,” Amanda said as she, Polly, and Maxwell returned to their dorm.
“So, when are you goin’ home?” Polly asked.
“I was going to pack up as soon as I got back to my room,” Amanda said. “I don’t really need that much stuff because it’s just a weekend, but I always end up packing a lot anyway.”
“I hear ya,” Polly replied.
WAVY LINES
Squirrelman’s eyes widened as he realized the connection. The Midnight Staple Remover was Amanda. He didn’t know why he hadn’t picked up on that before. Dini even said that Amanda had been going out at night around Midnight. Besides Amanda was a neat freak. Her sheets were always perfectly pressed, her desk sparkled and was always clean, her garbage was always empty, her clothing was sorted by color and type. The posters on her wall were even neat. They were perfectly straight and were symmetrical on the wall. It was insane. Amanda fit the Midnight Staple Remover personality perfectly. Who else would be that obsessed with removing disorganized staples?
Squirrelman walked back to his dorm contemplating his new discovery while at the same time amazed that he had found a chance to use the word “contemplating.”
As he walked down the hall towards his room something caught his eye. It was his reflection in the full-length mirror on the wall. He quickly turned to face the mirror. With a muffled chuckle, he marveled at his costume. Somehow he had miraculously sprouted muscles, quite nicely filling out the spandex.
“Ooh, Maxwell, you are one attractive fellow,” he said to himself. He turned around, enjoying himself in the mirror all the while. “Strike a pose,” he said, doing just that. He flexed his biceps, something he had never been able to do previously, and giggled like a schoolgirl.
Squirrelman was so infatuated with his appearance that he hadn’t realized how loudly he was talking until a sleepy-eyed Malkom popped his head out the door, looked at Squirrelman and somewhat coherently said, “Dude, could you keep it down?” This was followed by Malkom returning to his room and shutting the door. At that point in time Squirrelman decide it would be best if he returned to his room and became Maxwell again.
Squirrelman entered his room and was relieved to see that George was not there, again. He removed his mask and noticed that the spandex seemed looser. Looking down he could see that spandex fit as it had when he had first donned the costume. Obviously the mask was the key to his sudden muscular growth.