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Reid Speaks with Senator Gamblor Silk!

Reid Stanton And we are back. What about those crazy Mexicans, eh? [laughs] What they won't do for a bit of media coverage. Anyway, with me now is Senator Gamblor Silk.

Gamblor Silk Hello Reid. And by the way, that is the Senator. I am the only one you know?

Reid Stanton An interesting point too, Mr. Silk. Why is it that there is only one person acting as the senate, to keep in check the actions of the government.

Gamblor Silk Well, it is really a lot simpler that way, isn't it? I mean, with a hundred people in the house of representatives, and then more in the senate, there are just too many people in the way, too many conflicting ideas. It just leads to a lot of confusion really. With the roles shared between about seven of us, we can basically do what we want!

Reid Stanton That is exactly what alarms many people.

Gamblor Silk Reid, do you really think that we would institute any laws that would lead to the harm of our darling public?

Reid Stanton In a word, Mr.Silk, yes! There have already been several laws which allowed parents to beat their children, and capital punishment has time and again, been reinstituted just so the government can do away with troublesome individuals or rivals.

Gamblor Silk Those laws were annulled. Several times in fact. Sure there have been some crazy laws, but at least the public can rest assured that there will always be change, and that this is not a conservative nation, given over to conforming with the standards of Uncle Sam, or Uncle Adolf. We are a strong fascist nation, innovative and individualistic!

Reid Stanton Yes, but how does a law, permitting the burning of public buildings between the times of 6 and 7 PM, fit into a system such as this? Or legislation which gives bar-owners the right to pour alcohol into the mouths of drunks, via a funnel, and then demand payment.

Gamblor Silk Oh that! That was a law introduced mainly for personal reasons. [pause] Don't stare at me like that Reid!

Reid Stanton So I hear it on the grapevine that a new romance is developing for Gamblor Silk.

Gamblor Silk The grapes of wrath! [Sculls a glass of water] Unfortunately, I seem to be cursed in this respect. There was a romance developing, over a number of hours the other night, but it faltered, as they always seem to do. But I am still positive. I have someone in mind. I am not sure if she has noticed me, but she is a beguiling person, by what I found when I broke into her house.

Reid Stanton Was it for personal reasons also that the anti-stalking laws were revoked in 1995?

Gamblor Silk Largely, but there was also some concern for the people out there. But it was chiefly for my benefit.

Reid Stanton What about the many best-selling novels by Nine Turning Mirrors and Guru Al, and the big-budget Hollywood adaptations of a number of these? Do you think you are portrayed accurately in these?

Gamblor Silk Yes, and no. I think that the whole lecherous/arrogance thing was a bit overstated. I think any chick would tell you that the Silk Man isn't up himself at all! And the thing about Igor kicking me in the testicles all the time . . .

Reid Stanton That was falsified?

Gamblor Silk Oh, yes! It happened more often than was depicted!

Reid Stanton So, does Gamblor Silk, three time Euro-Arrogance winner, former Swagger Wear model, renowned for his rather skewed self-perception, get sick of the reputation that seems to follow him around like the stench of a decaying corpse?

Gamblor Silk Not at all! If anything, I think that many people, especially the womenfolk, find these characteristics rather endearing. Sure, I get slapped in the face all the time, and threatened by over-protective boyfriends, but in the end, everyone loves the Silky touch. Who wouldn't want to be me? And besides, I am famous for my face. Who could forget that Swagger Wear billboard? People still come up to me and say, "Gamblor, you are pure class".

Reid Stanton How do you respond then to the Marshall General Igor's claim that because of your reputation, you are constantly approached by people saying "Gamblor, you are a complete arse"?

Gamblor Silk She's jealous. Igor has always wanted to be like me. She can't face the fact that she will never be the man I am.

Reid Stanton And your companions? You are constantly defined by the company you keep. What do you have to say about your friends?

Gamblor Silk Well, Igor, as I said is a resentful bitch, but she has her own style, and if I had the chance, I'd do her. President General Mirrors is a class act, albeit a bit of a control-freak. Vice President General Al is just a great guy with an excellent wit, and I am not just saying that because he is in the producer's booth at the moment listening to this interview. Gorf, Minister for Arts, among other things, is probably the most level-headed of the lot of us, and has a lot of talent. But that doesn't make him any less of a whingeing pansy! Coyote, who fills in any roles that are left spare, but is chiefly our spokesman, is a very dedicated professional who enjoys a good time and, well, is fun to drink with. Azrael is a total psycho, but he has some appealing features. I think he killed a Pope once...

Reid Stanton Well, I think we have to wrap it up now, it's been a very informative afternoon. I hope that your romance develops beyond a dominating obsession.

Gamblor Silk We'll see Reid, although beggars can't be choosers.

Reid Stanton Indeed. Goodnight yFalminica. Have a good weekend, and enjoy your life as best you can. I will be back on Monday with former US President Jimmy Carter, back from the political graveyard.

Gamblor Silk I love you Melanie!

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