Title: Two Worlds

Author: Lyndaura

Authors Notes: New twist to the plot to come thanks to Shannon (aka friend of mine for 8 years) and Tiff (aka Smoke and Mirrors) and Lena (aka the person who gave me the best compliment in the world!!!) but you won''t get a hint of it until later on. Heehee…… and uh…… oh yeah…… this is the second last Heero torture part!!! HAHAHA! I know, I promised 1 more part, but it''s longer than I expected! This one isn''t long and neither will the next one be, okay? I promise…… (Not that you believe me or anything) But hey, I did spare you from two or three other layer, which I will half to explain later, but yeah…… Well, hope you enjoy! ^_^ Pyro George was lenient on this one given the fact that it is the FIFTH time I have rewritten this.
Special Mention: Steph for posting everything so quick! ^_^ She always makes fast updates, and even moved her site to serve us better! She rocks so much! Everyone e-mail her and tell her how great she is, and don''t forget to sign her guest book!

Part 7: Into the Depths of One's Soul - Part D

Final Forgiveness

Heero felt oddly suspended as he fell faster and faster towards his destination. All he could feel was the air rushing past him with nothing tangible to grasp. Heero could barely think or recognize what was happening. All he could see or think about was the pictures of his dead friends that wouldn''t relent to give him what he truly wanted.

Heero suddenly felt something soft and warm around him. He knew immediately who it was and pressed into the security that she provided. Peace cradled Heero in her arms and held him close as possible.

The shock of impact shot through Heero, even though he knew that Peace took most of it. The jolt went straight through his spine and spread out to his limbs, then finally rested in his head. The pain soaked in for a moment while Heero''s sight finally came back, and then the pain began to fade in a light, dull ache.

Heero stayed in Peace''s arms for a moment, ""Its okay, you''ll be okay,"" Peace prodded and released Heero. Reluctantly Heero left Peace''s safe embrace and stood in the middle of a large cave. He felt like he was under a spot light because only a small circle of the cave was illuminated. The damp, cold, and darkness of the cave was quite oppressing and Heero knew what that foretold of.

Heero barely noticed Peace slip away barely visible amongst the shadows. Heero stood and looked around waiting for something to happen. Little did he know that Peace was holding her breath praying to whatever deity was listening that Heero would be safe, and not succumb to this layer. Heero would need all the help he could get.

Heero suddenly felt something hit his head, then something else by his foot. He looked at the ground and saw small water marks start to appear at random, slowly getting more frequent and falling harder and harder. It was raining. Heero sensed more than saw something move to his left. He spun around to face the person and saw only a mirror image of himself. Wet, bloodstained, and tired. But there was something foreign about the eyes to Heero something was different. Heero felt drawn to the eyes. They seemed to call to him, and allure him with something unknown to Heero. They held a secret and Heero wanted to know what it was. They had something that Heero''s eyes didn''t. He wanted to know what his eyes didn''t have that they had.

What did they have?

As soon as Heero saw the boy he started to hear the screaming again. Now there were three or four voices, all crystal clear as the shot through Heero''s heart and mind. He could almost recognize the voices that were calling to him in anger, pain, sorrow and remorse. It was driving Heero crazy, though Heero already considered himself insane, this was an anguish filled knife ripping him apart inside with memories and feelings that he never knew he had.

Heero didn''t have much time to focus on the boy or the screaming when he saw something else move to his side. He turned to look at it and it was Relena, half decapitated, rotting and decomposing before his eyes. Her eyes white and unseeing, her dress now brown and red from the blood. Flaps of dead skin hanging from her neck like shed scales. Blue lips and a pale blue, green and grey face told of coldness that only the dead possessed. Her hair once so full and voluminous was reduced to little thin locks of white. ""Why didn''t you save me Heero? Why did you kill me? I waited for you, I cried out for you and you never came! I needed you! Why didn''t you come? Why did you have to betray me then when I needed you most? I loved you and you killed me!""

Heero was silent for a moment, not knowing what to say. He already felt terrible about what happened to her, he had to witness it, why was she blaming him? Heero just stood and looked at her.

""I loved you Heero. You killed me! You killed me! YOU. KILLED. ME. Doesn''t that mean anything to you?""

""Of course it does. I didn''t mean to hurt you! I didn''t know what was going to happen! There was no way to save you! I wanted to but I couldn''t!"" Heero tried to explain.

""You did know what was going to happen. You always knew, you just were to stubborn to realize it, and now I am dead because of your mistakes.""

""That''s not true!"" Heero shouted back not knowing what else to say. Relena was making perfect sense though, he did know, he just didn''t admit it to himself. Peace had told him that he knew everything, just didn''t know it yet. Heero tried to keep himself focused, but her dead body was disturbing enough. He did that. He did that to her. It was his fault. He killed Relena. For the third time. Yet somehow the pain didn''t fade. You never got used to the pain of knowing that your friend was dead, that you did that. You knew what to expect but it never got easier. Heero wanted to say more, but Duo stepped out of the shadows and into the light next to Relena.

""Why didn''t you save me too? I thought we were friends. Friends don''t kill each other. Even you know that! Was I not good enough for you? You knew Heero! You know everything! You knew what was going to happen, and you still let me die! You still killed me! And you still ignored what you knew was true! Now thanks to you I''m dead, how do you like that Mr. Perfect Soldier?""

""I didn''t do it on purpose,"" Heero tried to explain, but he Duo''s scarred and bloodied face was heart wrenching. The smoke curling off of Duo was enough, but the smell of burnt flesh was something all too familiar to Heero. Duo''s eyes gleamed in hatred, and expression that Heero didn''t quite recall. It wasn''t the same anger that consumed Duo in battle, but it was a painful anger that was eating away at his charred corpse. The place where Heero had ripped off Duo''s skin was still exposed and gleaming in the light that sifted in through the rain. The screams persisted until Heero was on the verge of just breaking down in the middle of the cave. He needed someone to remind him that there was a reality beyond his surroundings. He wanted to be reminded that someone was there besides his dying friends. He needed to know that someone didn''t hate him.

""Why didn''t you help me? Why didn''t you warn me? Why didn''t you do something? Comrades don''t leave each other behind like that. You never ran away from anything until you ran away from me. Why?"" Trowa''s mauled figure came out of the shadows and looked at Heero with one eye. His missing arm had tendons, veins and arteries dangling perilously around the gnawed bone.; His half chewed face revealed the pain and terror endured.

""Shut up! There was nothing I could''ve done!"" Heero shouted at Trowa fiercely. Seeing Trowa die had hurt him, and had made him realize how much all of his friends meant to him. Why were the others blaming him? It wasn''t his fault. He couldn''t of done anything.

Could he?

""There was one of Catherine''s knives,"" Trowa blinked as more blood dripped into his eye. Heero was silent as the rain pounded down on him and the realization struck. It was his fault.

He killed them.

One of the voices let out an ear-piercing cry and Heero had to cover his ears, but it did no good.

I killed them.
;
The only people he ever cared about he killed. The pain crept into his stomach and invaded every part of his mental and physical body. Everything just cried out with hurt. Heero felt sick, like he was going to throw up as he looked at the others and everything made sense. It was his fault.

He murdered them.

""You killed me, I just wanted to help you and you killed me,"" Quatre crept out of the shadows and into the light. The betrayal and hurt aching in his eyes, ""I just wanted to help you……"" The gaping hole in his stomach showing shredded organs, and mangled intestines. Blood seeping out of every hole, as bones shone in the dimness.

""I didn''t want to!"" Heero shouted back at Quatre, not knowing how else to justify himself.

""What justice was served when you killed me? If you knew, why didn''t you warn me? I am dead now. Forever dead. Never to come back.; You did that to me, and now everyone else must suffer for your crimes. Forever. You did this Heero and now you have to stand up and face the truth you coward,"" Wufei came out with the hatred flaring in his voice. The sword still embedded in his chest, the bloodstain spreading across his chest.

""But……"" Heero couldn''t think straight. Everything seemed to be happening too fast. He did kill his friends. Everyone was in pain because of him. He was a murderer. Where was Peace? He wanted Peace. He needed Peace. Where was she?

Peace……

""But what? ''But'' didn''t feed my starving family, now did it? They are all dead because of you,"" a uniformed man came out of the darkness, ""Do you know who I am? No, of course you don''t. But I know who you are. You killed me, and my family, and my friends. And what do my loved ones that DIDN''T die have to show for it? Nothing. You are sick, you know that? I care about my friends and family. You kill yours. You kill people you don''t know. You are a bastard for what you did to me, but you are evil for what you did to others,"" the man limped out with both eyes missing, a burned uniform, a disfigured foot and a missing arm, blood streamed from his head in a never-ending river of pain.

More and more mauled people came forth from the shadows, slowly the screaming became clearer as a screaming voice was silenced and the others overcame it. Now there were only three distinct voices left. Each one piercing through Heero''s heart as the pain moved from the deepest pit in his stomach to the middle of his throat. The uncomfortable lump made it hard to move, and painful to breath as more and more soldiers made their claim to Heero and the horrors that he had achieved.

""How dare you pride yourself with your professionalism when all you do is cause pain! What good is your gift when all you succeed in doing is destroying what you fight for?"" A woman came out holding her severed hand in her other hand.

A small baby crawled forth from the mob of screaming family and soldiers, all the soldiers trying to tell Heero of their tragedy and the terror and pain that they experienced because of his actions. Heero didn''t know what to do. He was a soldier that is what he did. He was perfect…… at causing pain. He was the bringer of suffering and hate. He caused what he was trying to prevent. Heero felt the anger and the hatred radiate off of the crowd as they cursed him. Each voice was like a dagger in his heart as more and more victims made their claim to him. The lump in his throat ached more and more as each story was told.

He had killed them all.

A mother never able to hold her son again. A sister never able to see her brother. A daughter longing for her father to come home and pick her up and let her ride his back again. A wife needing to feel her lover''s kiss. A cousin trying to hang onto the memory of lakeside fun in the summer, never to be experienced again. Shattered dreams lie down and die as Heero swiftly blew a single mobile suit away without giving a second thought to it. It was war. It was what he did. He was the bringer of pain. He was perfect. He was……

Death.

Heero felt the baby inch towards him carefully. Heero looked into the innocence of the eyes and felt the pain and longing that it had. It loved purely. It was untainted. Heero destroyed that. Heero tried not to let the little child get to him, but there was no use. He didn''t have the luxury of his well-constructed cold wall. He was open to the pain now, and it was unbearable as tears rimmed his eyes.

""Mama……"" the words were whispered by the child in an instant of pain and loneliness. He was alone. Heero was alone. Heero was just making more people feel the pain that he endured day in and day out. He was just like everyone else, just good enough to survive, but stupid enough not to let anyone else. He was alone now. Secluded and alone in the universe. The baby reached out to him in the drenching rain as the screams echoed and reverberated off hidden walls. Heero reached out for the child instinctively, only to have it fade out of reach.

Heero looked to his five slaughtered friends, and to the thousands upon thousands killed at his hand, and the millions upon millions suffering with his thoughtless acts. Heero tried to take a deep breath but it was all too much.

He was perfect.

He was Death.

Heero shot open his eyes and saw a small family composed only of a young pregnant mother and two sons, visiting a tombstone. The mother discreetly wiped away a few unseen-tears as she tried to be strong for her boys. One boy laid a rose down in front of the stone, and then turned to leave. The mother got up slowly and painfully, but the other boy stayed. Staring at the grave he reached out with a finger and traced the letters carefully. Heero crept over silently to the boy and saw the tombstone.

''H-E-E-R-O Y-U-Y, D-E-A-T-H''

Heero stepped away and stared at the young boy. The child had gorgeous blue eyes that Heero felt that he could swim in. And slowly, he opened his mouth and spoke, ""This is what death is.""

Heero was suddenly overwhelmed with images flooding his mind. He was vaguely aware of pain as he collapsed to the ground. Every single kill he ever made flashed through his mind as he felt the pain that they felt over and over and over again, the pain continuing to grow. The murders as a child, the killings as a young soldier, the practice butcherings in training, the slaughters in war. They were all so clear individually as the pain surmounted anything he had ever felt before. The cries of unfamiliar voices seemed ambient and nearby.

He felt immobile as every movement caused more pain, but yet he was struggling to get out of the trance. The suffering started just in his head, but it spread in waves, each new wave building and growing, each new image bringing more pain.

He was a murder.

He was Evil.

He was Pain.

He was Death.

He was Hate.

I am a product of Hate.

I am Death.

Heero could hear the screams of each person dying in their own unique way. One burning to death, one impaled, one suffocating, one killing themselves, one decapitated, one bleed to death. Every time just one more level on the gigantic scale of pain for Heero.

As the experiences became more real and more painful for Heero, Peace was in the corner trying not to hear him scream. She had never heard anyone scream like that. Every breath so full of pain and heavy with sorrow. She hated herself for doing this to Heero. Every moment was as much torture for Heero as it was for Peace.

Peace wrapped her wings around her protectively as she could hear Heero''s voice going hoarse and the rain growing harder and harder. His cries combined with the shrieks of the other three voices were overwhelming. Peace looked at her soaked wings and saw the small horns, still bloody. She eyed them suspiciously. Then she twisted her wing so that the horn''s point was facing her. She raised her arm and dragged the spike across her skin. With every yell from Heero she repeated the action.

The blood poured from her arm, but she couldn''t help it. It was just too much pain to bear. She had to let it out somehow. The blood, the death, the pain, it was all overloading her, she couldn''t take it. She ripped away at her skin until she couldn''t move her wing any longer.

Finally Heero''s screams subsided and his sobs died out. He was just left there panting on the ground so full of pain and self hate. The crimes he had committed where unforgivable.

Now there were only two voices left screaming, haunting and torturing Heero.

Heero opened his eyes to the pouring rain and looked to his side. He saw the face of the dead dog beside him and it startled him. He jumped up to a crouching position and looked around. The soldiers were silent and his friends had relented. He looked to the grave again. He saw a different family there now. He recognized the girl immediately. It was Noventa''s daughter.

He had killed Noventa.

He was Pain.

He was Death.

He was Hate.

""You killed him,"" Relena spoke softly and calmly. Then all the others joined in like a chant, over and over and over again, ""You killed him.""

""I didn''t mean to! I didn''t want to! I''m sorry!"" Suddenly all the voices stopped and just the woman stood there.

""What good does sorry do?"" the girl looked at him and then down at the grave.

""What? What? I''m sorry! What the hell do you want me to do?"" Heero tried not to think of all the other deaths that he had just witnessed and felt over and over and over again, but they kept coming back and reminding him of what he did. Heero closed his eyes and let the rain drain away the images. Heero ran his fingers through his hair and then licked his lips, trying to think.

They were salty.

His lips were salty.

The rain was salty.

Tears.

Heero tried to calm himself, but as he tasted it over and over and over again, he realized that they were all tears cried over what he had done.

He had caused all of this.

He was the bringer of pain.

He was Death.

He was Hate.

The girl remained silent as Heero ran his fingers through his hair trying to think. He looked back around at the soldiers and then at his friends. Finally he got to his double. The boy looked at him and then drew a gun from the back of his pants. He held out the gun to Heero butt first.

Heero looked at the gun and tried not to take it, but he had to. It was the only thing familiar to him. He didn''t know what else to do. So he accepted the gun and looked at it in his hand. So comfortable, so familiar……

So safe.

Heero turned back to the girl at the grave, ""Kill me.""

She looked at the grave and then looked at Heero. Then she shook her head.

Another family member came drenched in rain, trying not to hear the screaming that was echoing through Heero''s mind. She shook her head no.

So did the next family member and the next. Over and over again, all of them refused to kill him. None of them would kill Death. They had accepted it. Everyone except for Heero had accepted Death.

""Someone kill me! Why won''t someone come here and kill me? Please, someone kill me!"" Heero cried out to all those who he had hurt, but none accepted his offer. Heero turned to his friends, but they all remained silent, as they looked on unaffected.

Heero finally turned to the last person in the light. ""Will you kill me?"" Heero asked his mirror image. The image looked on with that look in his eyes. Heero didn''t know what told him, but he knew that his mirror image wanted to die. Slowly, he raised the gun and pointed it at his double.

""STOP!"" Peace cried out from the shadows as she raced towards Heero.

""What? What do you want from me? I''m doing the only thing that I can! I''m setting things right!"" Heero continued to point the gun at his double.

""Don''t do this! Please Heero! Don''t!"" Peace pleaded with him as she stepped near him, ""Just give me the gun.""

Heero looked at his double and then looked at Peace and then back at the boy. Heero couldn''t decide between the pain that he was feeling inside, and Peace''s plea. Heero began to lower his gun, but the pain he was feeling inside was compelling him to shoot.

Heero saw something step out of the shadows beside his double. At first it was just a slight framed figure, but then he could see the outlines of the young face, but what really made him recognize her, was the small flower that he had as her dress started to soak in the downpour.

""You……"" Heero breathed as he saw her. There was only one voice now. One deafening scream in a voice he could recall now.

It was his own voice.;

She reached out and offered the flower to Heero. He then looked to Peace and back at his double. He raised his gun, closed his eyes and took one final breath……

And fired.

~End Part 7D -- Final Forgiveness~

Author''s Tidbits: Don''t you just love the title?

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