DEBBIE DOES THE TWO TOWERS
Chapter Ten: Don't Be A Stranger
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In the
gardens of Rivendell, Debbie the Purple sat on the edge of an elegant
fountain and gracefully trailed her fingers in the water. The elves had
been most...accommodating, but it was nice to have a peaceful moment to
herself at long last. With her other hand, she fingered the delicate
mithril-and-diamond pendant at her throat, a gift from Arwen after
a...boisterous evening with the elf princess and Glorfindel. "It's such a pretty little thing," Debbie sighed to herself as she twirled the pendant on its chain. "Kinda like Arwen herself." Debbie had, of course, immediately recognized it as the twin to the Evenstar pendant which Aragorn habitually wore, and she had asked Arwen about it. Arwen had given a musical laugh and shown Debbie a carved wooden box full of identical pendants. "I give them to all my favorites!" the elf princess gushed. Since then, Debbie had spotted similar pendants on most of the male elves around Rivendell, and she wondered whether Aragorn had ever noticed them. Debbie's reverie was broken just then by the sound of two pleasant but unfamiliar male voices. She looked up and drew in her breath sharply. She had never seen the two elves who were approaching along the garden path, dressed as if they had been on a hunting trip, but she knew immediately who they were. "Ooh--you two must be Elrond's boys!" she called as she gazed at the two identical tall, slender, impossibly handsome, dark-haired, grey-eyed Elves. "I was wondering whether you guys existed here, since it's the movie, more or less, but then Glorfindel's here so I shouldn't be surprised...." The twins looked at each other. "I beg your pardon?" said the right-hand one. "Elladan, right?" Debbie said as she extended a hand to the one who'd spoken. "Indeed. Charmed," said Elladan in surprise as he took her hand. His eyes lighted on the pendant around Debbie's neck. "I see you're acquainted with our sister." "And you must be Elrohir," said Debbie, turning her attention to the left-hand twin. "Amazing," Elrohir answered, his grey eyes wide. "Even our own father has trouble telling one of us from the other." He took her other hand. Debbie looked from one to the other and sighed blissfully. "Double your pleasure, double your fun," she murmured to herself. ******* The next afternoon, Debbie headed toward Arwen's room for their regular meeting. Since arriving at Rivendell, Debbie had been working her way through Arwen's wardrobe, trying on a century's worth of dresses at a time. Elves really did amass an amazing number of clothes in their long lifetimes, but as Arwen explained, there wasn't much else to do when you were immortal except sew. "And have sex," she'd added with a wink. Privately, though, Debbie thought none of them looked as good as her own outfit, complemented by Elrond's purple dressing gown. As she passed the entrance to Elrond's study, Debbie paused at the sound of her own name. It seemed she was the subject of a very heated argument between Elrond and the twins. She figured that there'd really be no harm in her listening in a teeny little bit. Elrond looked in need of something stronger than Advil as he faced his sons. "No! I absolutely forbid it!" he shouted. "First Estel threatens to take Arwen, and now you two have this fool notion!" "But we *want* to!" "You're letting Arwen give up *her* immortality for Estel! Why can't we give up ours for Lady Debbie?" "I'm letting Arwen do no such thing!" "But she told us that you--" "I was drunk, all right? Drunk! And not thinking clearly." Elrond suddenly arched an eyebrow. "And do you know *why* I was drunk?!" The twins looked first at each other, and then back to their father, shaking their heads. "I was drunk because of *her*! Everything here has been falling apart lately because of *her*! You've all forgotten that Middle Earth is in danger and order is disintegrating--BECAUSE OF HER!" Elrond thumped a fist on his desk. "Well, I've had enough of it, I tell you! I'm clearing this place out! I want you two and Arwen on the next boat from the Grey Havens, and I don't want to hear another word about giving up your immortality! Do you understand?" "But--" "No buts! Go and start packing!" Debbie withdrew quietly and hurried down the hall. There would be just time for quick word with Arwen before Elrond stormed in to deliver his ultimatum. ******* By evening of the next day, the entire population of Rivendell minus Elrond was packed and ready to leave. Debbie had half-expected to be expelled along with the others, but curiously enough, the elf-lord had asked her to stay behind. Now she stood by his side, watching as the lines of Elves filed under the window, carrying lanterns. She sighed. "Are you sad?" Elrond asked her kindly. "The Elves leaving Middle-Earth...yes, it does make me kind of sad," Debbie admitted. The Elves seemed no less sad to be leaving, and most of them waved affectionately to Debbie. She waved back, blew kisses, and called out to each one as they passed: "Goodbye, Elladan...Goodbye, Elrohir...Goodbye, Glorfindel...Goodbye, Figwit...Goodbye, Erestor...Goodbye, Lindir..." Elrond's eyebrow arched higher with each of Debbie's fond farewells. Arwen was the last to leave. She looked back at Debbie, who winked, before following the others on their westward path. When the lights of the procession had faded, Elrond turned to Debbie. Surprisingly, he was smiling. "Aren't you sorry to see them all go?" Debbie asked. "Not at all," he replied, his eyes twinkling. "Now we can finally be alone!" Debbie broke into a slow grin. "Why, Lord Elrond, you rogue!" she giggled, nudging him with her elbow. Before she could make a move, however, Elrond's eyes suddenly took on an unfocused look and he groaned. "Not now, Galadriel!" he hissed through clenched teeth. "She's, like, talking in your head, isn't she?" "Shouting, more like. Excuse me, please, I'm going to have to take this call or she won't leave me alone all evening." With a defeated air, Elrond slumped down onto a carved chair. For several minutes he was silent, rubbing his forehead nervously and looking as though he were experiencing severe indigestion. Debbie almost offered him a Pepcid AC. Finally he opened his eyes again. "You and I will have to go to Lothlórien for a meeting," he told Debbie with a sigh. "I tried to get out of it, but Galadriel insisted." Debbie squealed happily. "Ooo! I'd *love* to see Lothlórien! When do we leave?" "Tomorrow will be soon enough," Elrond replied, as a wide and lascivious grin played out on his face. "Care to join me for a miruvor?" "Elrond, honey, you're not supposed to have that!" "What my daughter doesn't know won't kill her, will it?" "All right, but just one." "Just one, I promise. I'd rather look at you than pink oliphaunts any time. Now then, where did I leave those scarves...?"
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