DEBBIE DOES THE TWO TOWERS
Chapter Fourteen: Strangers In The Night
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"Then I
shall die as one of them!" Aragorn's words still rang clearly in Legolas'
mind as the Elf ran through the halls of Helm's Deep. That the Ranger had
been fool enough to slip back into Westron so that all could hear him was
nearly as disturbing as the fact that he was probably prophetic. Much as
he trusted the Lady Debbie the White's skills, Legolas had this sinking
suspicion that they were all about to die. He opened the door to Lady Debbie's chamber, half-expecting to see it filled with Rohirric warriors or maybe Gimli. But thankfully, Debbie was alone, brushing her beautiful long chestnut hair. "Oh--hello, Legolas!" she said cheerily. "We're all going to die." The elf didn't feel like mincing words today. "Have you been hanging around Théoden again?" she asked, worried. "No--Aragorn." Legolas sank into a chair and propped his cheek disconsolately on his fist. "It's contagious, I guess," Debbie mused. "All the men seem to think we stand no chance. But I know we're going to win." "How can you be so sure?" Legolas asked. Debbie stood and walked to him, settling herself in his lap. "I already know the whole story, remember? Besides, I'm sure Gandalf will come back with Eomer and the others. And I have this other feeling...something highly unusual is going to happen." "But when?" cried Legolas. He looked up at her with troubled sapphire-blue eyes. "And how do we know it will happen soon enough?" "Tonight, I think," Debbie answered. "And if you're that worried, I can think of a way we could make the time fly in the meanwhile." She gently tweaked the tip of one of his pointed ears. Legolas felt the weight lift from his heart. Or, maybe it was something else lifting--but it didn't matter. All he knew was that everything would turn out all right. ******* Aragorn and Théoden stood on the rampart, surveying the scene of the upcoming battle. Aragorn thought the King of Rohan looked rather confident. He secretly wished he could share that sentiment. They were all going to die. Just then, the clarion sound of a horn, deep and sweet, broke the silence. Aragorn squinted against the darkness, struggling to see if it was friend or foe who approached. The horn sounded again, nearer. Legolas burst from a tower door, wearing only a sheet, held tightly to his middle. "That is no orc horn!" he announced. "I told you so," said Debbie, who'd at least had the courtesy to throw on Gandalf's cloak before she came parading out in front of everyone. Aragorn looked below, to see column after column of Elven warriors, led by a solitary figure in a very purple hooded cloak. "The Elves have come!" he said, almost in disbelief. "Well, open the gates!" Théoden called. The Elven army marched in, and its cloaked leader climbed the stairs with a grace that seemed very familiar to the Ranger. The leader stood before him, and threw back the cloak's hood. "Lady Debbie?" Aragorn was now thoroughly confused. He looked behind him, to make certain the other Debbie was still there. She was busy playfully tugging the sheet away from a very embarrassed Legolas. He turned back to the new Debbie and smiled. "You are most welcome here!" he cried, embracing her. ******* Aragorn sat at one end of a long table, his elbows resting on its surface. An Evenstar pendant swung from the index finger of each hand, and he was looking from one to the other in utter consternation. "Whatcha doing, Aragorn?" He looked up to see Debbie the Purple, still wrapped in her cloak. She continued, "Shouldn't you be planning the battle or something?" "I am. I was. But something keeps troubling me." He shook the pendants lightly. "When I came to Helm's Deep with Debbie the White, Legolas handed me this one." He held forth the pendant in his right hand. "I thought I'd lost it, you see? But yesterday, I reached into my coat pocket, and I found this one." He gestured with the left hand. "So if this one--" Left hand. "--is mine, where did this one--" Right hand. "--come from?" Debbie removed her cloak and spread it on the bench to sit. Around her neck there gleamed an Evenstar pendant. Aragorn blinked. "And...and how did *you* get one?" "How do you think I got it?" Debbie asked incredulously. "Didn't you notice that most of the elves in Rivendell and half of Lothlórien have them, too?" Aragorn dropped both pendants and buried his face in his hands. Through his fingers, he muttered, "So I suppose that's how Legolas had one?" As if on cue, Debbie the White and the Prince of Mirkwood emerged, giggling, from a side door. Aragorn stood and roared at the Elf. "How dare you?! It's enough that you had to sleep with her, but you're supposed to be my friend, and you never even told me." "Debbie?" stammered Legolas, confused. "I thought everyone knew we were all sharing Debbie." "Not Debbie, you git! Arwen!" Aragorn screamed. He pointed to the two Evenstars lying side by side on the table. "It was a one-night stand and it was two thousand years before you were born! I didn't think it was important! I figured you'd be crushed at losing your Evenstar, since you were so hung up on Arwen, so I gave you mine. Of course, you did come back in the arms of Lady Debbie, so maybe I shouldn't have bothered. Anyway, now that you've found your necklace, can I have mine back, please?" The elf held forth his hand. Aragorn ignored it. "Aragorn," Debbie the Purple began delicately. "There's something you should know about Arwen. She loves you--she really does. But she also enjoys having fun...just as much as you do. Do you think you're the only one who can cheat?" Aragorn flushed beneath his stubble and lowered his eyes. "That's different." "Actually, it's not," Debbie the White piped in. Aragorn sighed. "But Debbie...your Evenstar...you could have told me." "It was with Glorfindel, too, if that helps," Debbie the Purple offered. "It most certainly doesn't," moaned the future King of Men. Legolas shook his head. "You can see the evidence of what happened to the hobbits from miles away, but you can't see that your girlfriend is sleeping around?! And you call yourself a Ranger." Aragorn glared. "That didn't help either." Just then, another door sprang open and Éowyn strode into the room, wearing Debbie's altered sheer white baby doll ensemble. She took a deep breath. "Aragorn, I wish to sleep with you this night." The Ranger's jaw dropped nearly to the table. After several seconds of stunned silence, he managed a "You look very fetching, Éowyn." Aragorn's gaze went from Éowyn's finely clad form to the Evenstars on the table. "All right, I think I will." The Shieldmaiden positively beamed. "Lady Debbie has agreed to help us, as I have little experience in these matters. I hope you don't mind." "Which...Lady Debbie?" "I did!" both Debbies called in unison. They then broke out into identical giggles. Aragorn shook his head. "Now let me get this straight. You want me to sleep with you--" Éowyn nodded. "--and her--" He pointed to Debbie the Purple, who gave a little wave. "--and her?" He gestured to Debbie the White, who clapped her hands. "All together? Have I got that right?" "Yes," Éowyn said emphatically. "Okay then, let's get started!" Aragorn agreed, his mood suddenly much improved. He, Éowyn, and the Debbies made their way, arm in arm, through a side door. Legolas scooped up the Evenstars from the table and stuffed them into his pocket as he dashed after the departing group. "Can I come too?" he called hopefully.
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