| older entries | sign me
ive moved! (thanx hen)did u notice? well i did! ummmmm duz this domain make my ass look fat?? DONT ANSWER THAT! =]
so im sittin here alone...emme is at werk and i still havent gotten dressed. I have a pork roast in the oven and ive cleaned and am doing laundry..yes im a housewife in training...training for what i ask...taking care of myself and the 50 cats ill have by the time im 60? ::shakes head::
im a bit fed up rite now...and if anyone reads this and is female im sure you know exactly where im coming from. Im sick of disapoinments. I know life is full of disapointments but i mean come on must we ALWAYS be disapointed in every attempt at romance we make? Hmmm attempt at romance isnt entirely accurate. I barely knew the guy but im annoyed nonetheless. Let me explain.....
a couple months back i began talkin to this guy online from hot or not. He was kewl n all...we talked alot and often...this was the guy i was talking to when Eddie called me a whore b/c i talked to someone until 5am after he and i broke up...oops back to the story...sooo Lance (the guy) and i talked alot....he was gonna come out but didnt...hmmm imagine that a guy saying he's going to do something but never making an actual attempt at following thru with it...im amazed! sooooo he never came out but we always talked and gave me some sort of hope of he and i getting together...but it never happend. I just learned from Lance that he and his ex are a thing again, sex is amazing and they are living together! All this coming from a man that told me he didnt wanna gf...i have this knack for finding a guy that doesnt want a relationship then after talking to or going out with me discovers he DOES want a relationship just NOT with me! I just want to know where these guys get off giving females false hope...thinkin that they are interested in us and want to get to know us when they have no intentions of the sort. Why not be honest and say HAY I like talking to you on the fone or online and thats it......dont say i want to see you blah blah blah..its not fair. You give us hope then slap us in the face when nothing happens! its not fair....its sooooooooo not fair. I mean he made NO promises at all and he and i werent really on THAT level yet....i guess im just fed up with it always happening. I dont understand why men have to be that way with women.
if i sat back and named off all the guys that this has happend with....well i know it would take a while ill tell you that much. Im always deleting named out of my cell fone lol its crazy! Just once id like to meet a sincere guy...that does what he says and means what he does and says what he does....ok im confused lol basicly a dude that says I WANT TO SEE YOU and actually does it. OMG wut a fuckin concept i dont believe it! lol I dont mean to come off as male bashing....i luv men...boyz..guys! but theres no reason to jerk women around. If i had a dime for everytime i heard..."WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?" or "I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO DATE YOU" i would be a rich rich fat gurl im tellin ya....but here i am SINGLE and BROKE wtf man!
sooooooo thats all im gonna ramble about today! or for now...until sumthin else pops up that pisses me off :) xoxoxo
April 5th 8:45pm
April 2nd 11:05pm
| older entries | sign me
ok the msg on my tagboard by an annonymous person (surprise surprise) totally pissed me off to NO end. How can someone sit back and judge someone they know nothing about? The thing is....yes when i write in MY journal i write mostly about myself or my feelings.....Well HELLO PPL what the hell is a journal for? As ive said b4 this isnt something i write in to entertain ppl. Im not trying to sound nice or sweet or anything. Im just being myself and talking about issues that are affecting my life at that given moment. I just think its total bullshit for someone to make an asinine comment on something they know absolutely nothing about. Im not going to explain myself and prove that i think of other ppl, i have no need to do that. My whole point is, its MY Journal and im going to write about whats on my mind at that given time... be it my family, money matters, missing gregory or myself and my feelings. If you dont like it??? nobody is twisting your arm to sit there and read it....am i rite??? xoxoxo im outie....ive got myself to think about here LOL
| older entries | sign me
its been a while since ive blogged i guess i didnt really feel like talkin about anything....and now i do.
emme is at her mama's tonite so ive been home since about 4pm all alone...with just the tv,internet,music and my thoughts to keep me company. As everyone knows i miss Greg but im not sure if anyone truly knows how its affecting my life. I dont talk about it all that much b/c theres nothing anyone can do to help it go away. I feel a void....i have an empty hole that nobody can fill. When i was with him i felt complete. Ive been listening to a couple songs tonite and they pretty sum up the way i feel "You Are My Everything" by Mary J. Blige and "Never Had A Dream Come True" by S Club 7.
Its like i can go soooo long w/o breaking down in tears or sittin down and seriously thinking about gregory...well other then when im drunk lol but i guess i cant keep escaping things in my head. Im having such a hard time letting go of him b/c he's everything i ever wanted and more....i couldnt have sat down and thought up a dream man any better then he was...well maybe a few inches taller lol he was in NO way perfect...but the way i felt when i was with him...that was perfect.
i used to make fun of sappy love songs....or say NOBODY feels like that...its bullshit! Well i can honestly say that now i know that kinda love is really out there. Ive felt it and i did not once not even for one day take that for granted. I never took for granted the time we spent together...i treasured it...and it kills me that its over. I really dont think its fair. But i am thankful i had the chance to experience the things i did...i wouldnt change it for the world.
i wonder all the time what i meant to him.....we dont talk like we used to. He's busy with his own life, his son,family,baby's mama,gf,and starting his new business so he doesnt have time to sit and b/s with me on the fone...i totally understand. A couple ppl have asked me when he's coming back....i try to smile gratiously and not break down in tears and say he's not coming back. I know he's not.....i may be a lot of things...but stupid isnt one of them. I would fly out to california in a second to see him...pathetic isnt it?
i sometime hear the old.....ONE day you'll meet someone that makes you feel like greg did and he'll feel the same way. I dont like that statement at all. Its like YAH NADIA YOU LOVE GREG but he didnt really care about you or he didnt feel the same way. He moved back home....nobody knows how things would be if he were still here. We might still be dating casually, he might be dating that jenny hoe (doubtful), or maybe he'd be exclusive with me....nobody knows...and thats something ill wonder for a very long time. God i feel like im going to puke i hate this crap.
why do i have to punish myself? why do i have to think about all the things we did together or all the things he's said to me. Everything goes thru my head, from our first convo,first time he called me (was goin to uhhh i ferget the name of the city wif Sethie n Snookie) and of course our first date, the movies we went to,when he told me he luv'd me and how i wish i would've walked him to his car when he left! GOD! i really didnt think that would be the last time i seen him. I started to cry and he ran down the stairs with tears in his motherfuckin eyes....NOW YOU TELL ME HE DIDNT CARE ABOUT ME.
im gonna close with this.....out of all the things i miss about him.....if i had to narrow it down to 1...him holding me...his arms around me felt so perfect and safe and wonderful...ive never felt anything like it and i really dont know if i ever will again. Alrite im done for now....sorry for those of you that are sick of seeing stuff about gregory but this is a journal, im not writing in it for ppls entertainment or enjoyment. I write in it b/c it helps me to sort out my feelings. xoxoxo im outie