On the left is my drinkin' buddy Kern. If there's a person out there my size who can drink like me, it's him. If we're both in a room, everyone in the room knows it. On the right is my skinny white cracker friend. We call him phat daddy. He's my boy. I can't tell you how many times some big dumb asshole took offense to something I said, and they didn't do anything because he was there. He's 6'4", 260 lbs, and he can bench 435 lbs. This is our first keg and the night we took acid. The night we lost Parker, and he became Porta Pottie Pookah.

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