Bhai Ka Resume

Pakya Bhai Supariwala,
Quadi No. 420,
Dafa - 302.

Objective:

To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA).

Education:

• B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
• M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and
  the Unlawful Activists (VPISUA), August 1996.

Thesis:

On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts.

Coursework:

• Cop Psychology
• Plastic Explosives Technology
• Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory
• International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking
• Object Oriented Crime Design

Work Experience:

• Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990 - Aug 1991
• Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
• Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry & mint flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)

Summer Internship:

• Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June 1987- July 1990
• Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
• Participated in election rigging in Bihar & U.P. and made Hafta Collections

Honors & Achievements:

• Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
• Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum), Student chapter
• Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar & U.P.
• Strong hold on Govt. & NGOs.
• Specialized in extortion,illegal construction business & fake academic degree supply.

References:

• Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
• Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
• Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai

And you thought I'll keep all my personal details open on the website - he! he! he! :) :D

Career Song - The 8 stages (English - Hindi)

1. When in college: Hum honge kaamiyaab, Hum honge kaamiyaab ek din.....
2. When giving interview to Multi National Company: Tu hi re.. Too hi re.... tere binaaa main kaise jiyunn....
3. Waiting for interview result: Intehaa ho gai Intzaarki.. aayinaaa kuch khabar mere yaar ki...
4. Just joined: Too cheez bhadi hai mast mast.....
5. After some time: Ye kahaan aagaye hum??
6. After some more time: Naa koyi umang hai, naa koyi tarang hai, mere jindagi kya ek kati Pathang hai (booohoooo)
7. Floating the resume: kabootar ja ja ja... kabootar ja ja ja... pehele pyar ki peheli chitti...
8. Finally when you don't get a better offer any longer: Jeena yahaan, marna yahaan iske siwa jaana kahan.

What if Accountants start producing Hindi movies? The names of the movie would be:

• Munnabhai B.Com
• Hamara Ledger Aapke Paas Hai
• Kaho na Depreciation Hai
• Journal Se Balance Sheet Tak
• Kabhi Credit Kabhi Debit
• Cash Balance Wale Profit Le Jayenge
• Hum Tax de Chuke Sanam
• Kya Yehi Credit Period Hai?
• Mein A/C's ki Diwani Hoon
• Kyon Tally Ho Gaya Na
• Bill Hai Ke Pass Hota Nahin
• Dhai Akshar Byaz Ke
• Bill Vill Byaz Vyaz