Beer Warning Labels
Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers
have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning
labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like an asshole.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the
same boring story over and over again until your friends want to
SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay
shings like thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the
morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with other members of the opposite sex
without spitting.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you
have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the morning and see something really scary (whose species and
or name you can't remember).
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, and handsomer and smarter than some really,
really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the
time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large)
gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE
pregnancy.
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