Computer Support
Thanks, Loo, for your contribution!
ALL NEW TECH SUPPORT CALLS
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem
with her printer. The
tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
The woman
responded,
"No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good
point. The man
sitting
in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
is working fine."
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the
Internet onto this disk for
me?"
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uh...uh...yeah."
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the
File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because
of the icons - I'm a
Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term
sir. I don't believe it
was meant to--"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I
don't believe in
icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the
'little picture' of a
filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [click]
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to
reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash--it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said
before. I crashed my
spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do
that?"
A man attempting to set up his new printer called the
printer's tech
support number, complaining about the error message:
"Can't find the
printer." On the phone the man said he even held the
printer up in front
of
the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
Another user was all confused about why the cursor
always moved in the
opposite direction from the movement of the mouse.
She also complained
that
the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very
embarrassed when we
asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed
away from her.
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help
with a Windows
installation that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer:
"I brought my
Windows
disks from work to install them on my home computer."
(Training stresses
that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the
little act of piracy
slide.)
Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"
Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they
weren't initialized."
Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly,
ma'am?"
Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a
Macintosh disk.
Would
you like to initialize it?'"
Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"
Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks
appeared to be
blank.
And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read
them in the A
drive;
the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set
of Windows disks
for
the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
In a computer programming class I sat directly across
from someone, and
our
computers were facing away from each other. A few
minutes into the class,
she got up to leave the room. I reached between our
computers and
switched
the inputs for the keyboards. She came back, started
typing and
immediately
got a distressed look on her face. She called the
tutor over and
explained
that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen.
The tutor tried
everything. By this time I was hiding behind my
monitor and quaking,
red-faced with silent laughter. I typed, "Leave me
alone!" They both
jumped
back as this appeared on their screen. "What the..."
the tutor said. I
typed, "I said leave me alone!" The kid got real
upset. "I didn't do
anything to it, I swear!" It was all I could do to
keep from laughing out
loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went
on for an amazing
five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that
hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?" etc.
Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer, and
fell out of my chair
laughing. After they had realized what I had done,
they both turned beet
red.
Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.
[forwarded by Lori Bush]
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