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Addiction to Cybersex

by Traute Klein, biogardener

A mother's addiction to cybersex sets the example which her teenage daughter follows.

Do as I say . . .

. . . and not as I do.

My Child, My Mirror Image

At age 13, Deanna got involved with an unknown character on the Internet. He promised never to leave her, regardless of their difference in age. When her mother found out, she confronted her. After the initial denials, the truth came out, or at least part of it.

The mother lost her cool and gave all the warnings re meeting strange people on the Internet. What was Deanna's response?

"Well, you met people that way, too."

A Mother's Example

True, Charlene had been romantically involved with men whom she met on the Internet for many years. Let me tell you the one story which I know.

Charlene had been having a steamy cyber-affair with a man whom she had met on WebPersonals. She knew nothing about him except what he had told her, and that had obviously been to her liking. He presented himself as kind, rich, muscular, virile, and, of course, unloved by his wife.

He praised her as a wonderful mother and agreed that her ex-husband had been and still was abusive to both her and the children. He did, in fact, agree with everything she said, even when he did not know what she was talking about.

They burned the midnight oil in nightly chats and he followed them up with countless emails -- as many as 30 in one single day -- and hours of long distance telephone conversations both to her home and her place of employment. They pledged eternal love to each other. He bought a matching set of wedding bands for them. He assured her that she would be recognized as his real wife after his death, and that she would be the beneficiary of his will. They anxiously looked forward to consummating what they referred to as their sacred union.

The children were well aware of their mother's cyber-affair. They witnessed her daily interactions with her lover both on the Internet and on the telephone. Whenever they tried to pry her away from her lover, she would stop her pleasurable engagement just long enough to shoo them away.

Charlene has a full-time job with a long commute, and when she is at home, the children long for her undivided attention just like her Casanova's wife longs for some TLC from the man to whom she dedicated her life.

Correctitive Measures?

So what did Charlene do to help her erring daughter? She confided in her cyber-lover that she needed to protect her daughter and to provide guidance. She blamed Deanna's friends for misleading the poor innocent child. She could not admit that she herself had set the example which her daughter was following. And her lover told her, of course, that she had done the right thing to blame friends. He therefore suggested that she use her authority as a mother to forbid all contact.

And then Charlene went on to give her lover specific times and phone numbers where she could be reached throughout the next few days while Deanna and the rest of the children were in the care of their supposedly abusive father who, hopefully, had a little more time for them.

A Viable Solution

Charlene has not asked for my advice, but if she had, this is what I would tell her:

Apologize to your daughter for the terrible example which you have been setting. Tell her that you were wrong to spend all your free time engaging in cybersex instead of sharing it with your precious children. Tell her that it was wrong to covet another woman's husband, even when that husband offered himself voluntarily. Let her know that you love your children more than anything in this world and that you are giving up all those illicit pleasurable hours to once again be the mother whom God intended you to be. And maybe you should even ask your children to help you to overcome your terrible addiction to cybersex.

Casanova does not care about his image. He lives in his fantasy world 24 hours a day on the Internet, in coffee shops, in hotel rooms. You are just one of the many objects of that fantasy. His community and his family know who and what he is. You as a mother, however, should care how your children view you. They are your mirror image. Deanna is following in your footsteps, because she adores you. You are her mother. Don't tell her what to do. Live the life and she will follow.

Postscript

The following year, at age 14, Deanna graduated from emails to sex-chats using her mother's ID. Casanova discovered it when Charlene's cyber-ID popped up in a chat at the same time that Charlene was on the phone with him from a different city. So Deanna is continuing to follow in her mother's footsteps.

Charlene continues her cyber and phone sex with Casanova. She has probably realized by now that Casanova has no intention of turning the cyber-fantasy into reality. In the real world, he would soon lose his charm, his love, his sex appeal, and his claimed income. He prefers to live off his wife's income and his cyber-lover's dreams.