~My Dedication to all Texans!!!~

Page Two....Enjoy!

1. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language or for picking a fight, you might be a... "Redneck".

2. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive, you might be a..."Redneck".

3. You think the stock market has a fence around it, you might be a..."Redneck".

4. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem, you might be a..."Redneck".

5. Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list, you might be a... "Redneck".

6. Your house has wheels and your car doesn't, you might be a ..."Redneck".

7. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive Theater, you might be a..."Redneck".

8. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years, you might be a..."Redneck".

9. You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as " the day my ship came in", you might be a..."Redneck".

10. Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one, you might be a ..."Redneck".

11. You ever hit a deer with your car.....deliberately, you might be a..."Redneck".

12. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos", you might be a..."Redneck".

13. You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table, you might be a...a "Redneck".

14. There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car, you might be a..."Redneck".

15. The tail-light covers of your car are made of red tape, you might be a..."Redneck".

16. You have every episode of Hee-Haw on video tape, you might be a..."Redneck".

17. You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog, you might be a..."Redneck".

18. Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell", you might be a..."Redneck'.

19. You've ever bought a used cap, you might be a..."Redneck".

20. Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes, you might be a..."Redneck".

21. People hear your car a long time before they see it, you might be a..."Redneck".

22. The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a..."Redneck".

23. You prefer car keys to Q-tips, you might be a..."Redneck".

24. You think the French Riviera is a foreign car, you might be a..."Redneck".

25. You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off, you might be a..."Redneck".

26. You actually know how many bales of hay your car will hold, you might be a..."Redneck".

27. Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices, you might be a..."Redneck".

28. You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window, you might be a..."Redneck".

29. You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions, you might be a..."Redneck".

30. You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while you are at work, you might be a..."Redneck".

31. All of your four letter words are two syllables, you might be a..."Redneck".

32. You cut your toenails in front of company, you might be a..."Redneck".

33. Hitch-hikers won't get in the car with you, you might be a..."Redneck".

34. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does, you might be a..."Redneck".

35. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean, you might be a..."Redneck".

36. You have grease under you toenails, you might be a..."Redneck".

37. You consider your license plate personalized because your fathermade it while in prison, you might be a..."Redneck".

38. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader, you might be a..."Redneck".

39. You've ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance, you might be a..."Redneck".

40. You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding, you might be a..."Redneck".

41. Your wife's hairdo has been caught in the ceiling fan at least once, you might be a..."Redneck".

42. You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken, you might be a..."Redneck".

43. You own a 3 pound belt buckle, you might be a..."Redneck".

44. You have more than two relatives named "Bubba" or Junior", you might be a..."Redneck".

45. You invite your friends over to help rotate your tires...on your house, you might be a..."Redneck".




"Special" Thanks to "Linda Gruber" of Novel Art for this:

                Computer Problem Report Form ************************************************

1. Describe your problem:

_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__ B. Minor__ C. Minor__ D.Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__ B. Frozen__ C. Hung__ D. Strange Smell__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

10. Have you had "a friend" who "knows all about computers" try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__

12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe__ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
l8. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were logged in?
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
l9. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What's a VCR?__

21. Do you have a copy of 'PCs for Dummies'? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__

24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet__

27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes__

28. Would it cost less to throw the machine away and buy a new one?Yes___


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