My Pregnancy Journal

Pregnancy Symptoms
This Month

Baby moves sporadically throughout the day, but feelings are not really strong yet
Starting to feel baby more often; baby may have had hiccups
Halfway through the month, soreness in pelvic area disappeared
Pregnancy noticeable to other people
Ellen felt baby move
Slightly breathless sometimes
Heartburn
Skin on abdomen stinging
Emotional

August 2, 1998

20 weeks. . . almost 21 weeks

Taken July 31st

I now have no doubts that I am pregnant. I feel so big! I don't mind. I kind of even like it, but it surprises me. When I was this far along in my last pregnancy, I hardly showed; but this time I feel so big and wonder just how big I will get.

I feel the baby sporadically throughout the day, but the feelings are not really strong yet.

It embarasses me to write this, but my bladder is not as strong as I would like. I have to be careful if I have a big sneeze, or I might leak! I'd better start doing my kegel exersizes more faithfully. I certainly don't want this to get any worse as my pregnancy gets farther along!

An online friend had a stillbirth last week. It's so sad. And it's scary. I heard about another mom who lost her baby at 25 weeks... there was a kink in the cord. Sigh. I'm really going to try and enjoy this baby while I have him/her.

August 11, 1998

22 weeks today

I am going to write more tomorrow, I hope, but I thought I'd put a quick update in here... I had my midwife appointment on Friday. It went really well. I asked lots of questions, and she didn't seem to mind answering them. Everything looks good. I didn't have any protein or sugar in my urine. The uterus is the right height and size, and I gained about five pounds since my last appointment. Though she used a fetoscope instead of the doppler this time, she heard the baby's heartbeat just fine... it was 150 a minute. I was grateful that she used the fetoscope, but I missed hearing the heartbeat. I felt a bit nervous asking her if she would use the fetoscope instead of the doppler; but I simply asked her, and she said, "Okay."

August 15, 1998

22 1/2 weeks

Through most of my pregnancy so far I have felt soreness down in my pelvic area when I walked. On Tuesday night, the fourth of August, my ligaments really hurt when I walked. Then on Wednesday Ellen and I walked in the LLL World Walk for Breastfeeding. They really hurt afterwards. They were a little sore on Thursday and Friday, so at my midwife's appointment on Friday I mentioned it to her. She said that sleeping with a pillow under my tummy would lessen the soreness by helping to lift up my uterus so the ligaments didn't have to stretch as far. She also said that if it got more painful I could take a certain enzyme or eat a lot of pineapple, and that would help the inflammation subside.

I'm not sure exactly why, but it's better now. It has stopped hurting. I did eat a can of pineapple last week end, but I kinda doubt one can would have this effect. And I bunch up my blanket and put some under my tummy to lift it up, and that makes it feel more comfortable.

On Sunday, about three people came up to me at church and told me congratulations. I wore a maternity dress to church, and I guess that dispelled any doubts they had as to whether I was pregnant or not! I was able to talk with a lady I hardly ever even said hi to before. I'm rather shy and perhaps am often preceived as being aloof, so it was pretty nice being able to talk to her about having a baby.

Ellen has almost always nursed first thing in the morning, but this past Tuesday, for the first time that I can remember, Ellen didn't want to nurse when she woke up in the morning. She mainly nurses for comfort now and to help her get to sleep sometimes. I miss being able to quench her thirst. I miss being able to satisfy her hunger. I miss those long sweet cuddles when she blissfully nursed and relaxed in my arms, and I, too, relaxed, immensely grateful for the special reconnection and quiet time that nursing can bring and the prolactin that helped me relax. . . . I wonder if I make much prolactin these days. I don't have much milk anymore, and nursing certainly does not help me calm down.

She nursed several times today, but it was mostly when I asked her if she wanted to. I don't know how much longer she will continue wanting to nurse, and I hate the idea that my memories of our last times nursing together will be tinged with my feelings of uneasiness, restlessness, and soreness. She must perceive how uncomfortable I usually feel when she nurses. One day she said her nipples were sore. I didn't realize she had heard me say that about mine, but I guess she must have... she's so observant and copies lots of things we say. I hope she will have pleasant memories of nursing. I wish I could put aside my bad feelings and enjoy our time together nursing. Sometimes I can if I focus on how sweet and precious she is, but sadly a lot of the time we nurse I think about how hard it is.

I have been feeling baby move more lately. This brings me much happiness. It helps me reassure me that baby is doing well, and it helps raise the awareness in me that baby is a precious child of mine.

August 16, 1998

22 1/2 weeks

Today Ellen nursed about three times. She didn't nurse for very long each time. While I nursed her I tried to focus on how precious she is and how grateful I am for the joy of being able to nurse her and things went really well. When you nurse often, it's pretty easy to give your child lots of attention and cuddles. I'm finding it harder now that she is nursing less and less often. I have to remember to hold her more often and have her sit on my lap and cuddle. I think that really helps her. . . and me. . . feel better. I even carried her in her sling for a little bit today to help give us some together time. We enjoyed it, though being pregnant sure made me tire out easier than I used to!

For the past few days I've been feeling baby move really down low. I wonder what he/she is doing? :)

August 22, 1998

23 1/2 weeks

Ellen and me
August 21, 1998

Ellen appears to have no interest in nursing in the morning when she gets up. In the past she has always nursed before going to church on Sunday, so we'll see what she does tomorrow. Yesterday she didn't nurse until the afternoon when my husband took the picture. I figured I'd better get a picture before it's too late!

A while ago I tried to squeeze some milk out to see if it would squirt. I tried it again yesterday. It didn't squirt either time. Ellen used to think it was funny when it squirted, but now it very slowly beads up. Sigh. Apparently there's not much milk there, but at least there is some. This is so hard on me. I'm trying to hold Ellen more to help make up for nursing less.

Baby moves a lot these days. It's a really neat and oftentimes funny feeling. Ellen has felt baby move a couple times. Sometimes Ellen puts her face by my tummy and says hi to baby and pats my tummy. She's even given baby a kiss and said "I love you."

Ellen thinks she is pregnant, too! The other day when she was taking a bath she was talking to someone. I asked who she was talking to, and she said she was talking the baby in her tummy.

I have to go now. I'll try to write more tonight...

August 28, 1998

24 1/2 weeks

Taken Aug. 28th

Let me tell you about a dream I had this week. I think it was Sunday night. I can't quite remeber all of it, and it doesn't make much sense anyway...

I was in labor at a birth center. A midwife made me swallow a huge, round, golden-colored pill that was supposed to be pitocin. For some reason, it made me fall asleep. I remember being really drowsy when I woke up. I asked what had happened. I think the midwife was in the room doing something. Maybe she was sewing me up. Anyway, I was upset because she had given me that pill, and I hadn't wanted any intervention. I think John was there, but I can't remember what he said or did.

I talked with the head midwife at the center, and told her how I felt. She agreed that my wishes should've been taken into consideration. I told her that next time I wouldn't have to worry about this type of thing. I dreamily told her about how next time would be a home water birth. Btw, I was standing up and talking as if I felt just fine.

Then I realized that I hadn't seen my baby yet. I asked how long it had been since I had given birth to her. By this time, I was in another room that had several people sitting in it. Someone said it had been a half hour. I said I needed to nurse her, because you are supposed to nurse in the first half hour. They brought a huge baby in... it was girl the size of a toddler. At first I thought it must be my baby, but then it started sinking in how big she was, and I knew it wasn't my baby and asked where she was. Their repsonse was slow, so I knew something must be wrong. Someone said something about forceps, and I'm thinking, the midwife used forceps??? grrrrrrrrr. Then I woke up!!

Great dream, hunh?

On Sunday, my mother-in-law asked me if I was sure I wasn't having twins. She said this because I am so much bigger than I was last time, but it really annoyed me, and I started explaining the reasons why I look so much bigger... I started out weighing more, my stomach muscles aren't so strong this time, etc., and then I realized that she probably didn't want to hear all that. But perhaps she deserved my long response since she asked me that question? Sigh......

She's also the lady who said that since she knew someone named "Calvin" that she didn't like, she wouldn't call our child "Calvin" if we have a boy. She will call him by his first and middle name--"John Calvin." That's fine, but did she have to be so negative about the name we have chosen to call our child if he is a boy???? She's usually such a nice lady!?!

We haven't even told John's mom that I am planning on having a homebirth. We live down the street from her. Won't she be surprised that we are home so quickly after the birth? lol If she asks where our child is going to be born, we will tell her, but if not, we'll wait until afterwards because we are certain she will be too nervous about it.

I feel fine right now, but I have been having a burning sensation in my esophagus sp? often lately. I guess that's called heartburn. Anyway, tonight it's better. Sometimes when I breathe I feel slightly breathless. Last night the skin down under my abdomen started stinging. It's done that before, too. I guess maybe it's my skin stretching? I put lotion on it and that seemed to help. I've been feeling more sad lately, but I'm am feeling better now. I am too emotional, though. I get upset too easily. I really need more sleep. The other day I was wondering... if I get this upset with one child, how will I handle having two? But I know I must be--at least partly--acting this way because of the pregnancy hormones!! After I have baby and am nursing more often again, I'm sure those mothering hormones will kick in again, and it will be such a relief.

Ellen and I took a bath together today. She was saying hi to baby, and she said that baby talks to her. She spread out a wet washcloth on my tummy and said that baby likes that. It was so sweet!

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