What Ifs and Whys

 1.  If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
 2.  If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,      
is it considered a hostage situation?
 3.  Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled a them would      
they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
 4.  What's another word for synonym?
 5.  Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do           
"practice"?
 6.  When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their      
signs? 
 7.  When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be       
thrown away?
 8.  Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? 
 9.  Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
10.  Why do they report power outages on TV?
11.  What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is      
eating an endangered plant?
12. Is it possible to be totally partial?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 
14. Would a fly that loses it wings be called a "walk"?
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone     
clean them?
16. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their     
headlights off?
17. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? 
18. If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him,is     
he still wrong?
19. If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless? 
20. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
21. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
22. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to      
remain silent?
23. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
24. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
25. You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh,     
have you got a cat?
  " Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"
26. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in     
case of an emergency. I think you should write . . . A Good     Doctor!
27. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What     
are we supposed to do . .. write to these men? Why don't they just     
put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look     
for them while they delivered the mail?
28. If you jogged backward . . .would you gain weight?
29. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
30. If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of     
progress?
31. Why is there Braille on the drive-up bank teller? 

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