:> :) :D :( :< :{ :} :+ :@ :# : :> :) :D :( :< :{ :} :+ :@ :# : :> :) :>
:) :D :(
Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754
and 854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft
designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"?
A: Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER TOO LONG WHEN..
When you are counting objects, you go
"0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that damn machine and
come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise
her for for omitting the "else" clause.
When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the
floor you want.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
NIKE VIRUS: Just Does It!
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to
first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Useful Acronyms
PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN It Still Does Nothing
APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI System Can't See It
DOS Defunct Operating System
BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM I Blame Microsoft
DEC Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people
around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move." -- David Letterman
"Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny." -- Frank Zappa
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
"640K of computer memory ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates,
1981
Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
"I love being a writer . . . what I can't stand is the paperwork."
"God made all men, Sam Colt made 'em equal." --Saying of the Old West
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
"Being right too soon is socially unacceptable." -- Robert A. Heinlein
"If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows." --
Yiddish saying
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
Press Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
A 3.25 hard is always better than a 5.25 floppy
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
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