When my son was murdered, I found that there were no support groups locally for Homicide Survivors. I had gotten a computer a couple of months after his death, so I decided to see if I could find any online support groups. The first one I found was POMC, Parents of Murdered Children. I left a message on their messageboard about his murder and almost immediately received a reply from one of the members. That began my association with this wonderful organization. Although there is not a local chapter for me, the online support is unwavering. A year and a half (almost) later, they are still there to help me or any others who need them. I joined their email support group and now I am helping other new survivors. Rather than try to describe all that they do in my own words, I'll let them tell you about their work. Because their work, research and training, are extensive to cover all aspects of surviving a homicide, this will be done in a series of three articles. The first article covers what POMC is and how the group started. It also gives information on the problems facing a survivor of homicide and some statistics on murder.

National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children
http://members.xoom.com/pomc/

The National Organization of Parents Of Murdered Children (POMC) is the only national helping organization which is specifically for the survivors of homicide victims and which follows up with supportive family services after the murder of a family member or friend. These services include: participation in a self-help group; crisis intervention; assistance with problematic cases; advocacy; and information and referrals. Also there are on-going activities such as a National Annual POMC Conference and in-depth therapeutic grief weekends. In addition, POMC provides specialized training for professionals who come in contact with survivors of homicide victims.

"Justice will only be achieved when those who are not injured by crime feel as indignant as those who are."

Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc., was founded in 1978 by the Reverend and Mrs. Robert Hullinger, after their daughter Lisa, then 19 years old, was bludgeoned to death by an ex-boyfriend. Parents Of Murdered Children is dedicated to the idea that grief must be shared. "It was begun out of our personal need," Charlotte Hullinger admits, "and not out of any altruistic motives. From it developed the realization that most people don't have any idea what it's like to have a child murdered."

POMC provides the ongoing emotional support needed to help parents and other survivors facilitate the reconstruction of a "new life" and to promote a healthy resolution. Not only does POMC help survivors deal with their acute grief, but with the criminal justice system as well. The staff of the National Headquarters of POMC will assist any survivor and, if possible, link that survivor with others in the same vicinity who have survived their loved one's murder. In addition, the staff is available to provide individual assistance, support and advocacy. The staff will also help interested parents or immediate family members form a chapter of POMC in their community.

POMC will provide training to professionals in such fields as law enforcement, mental health, social work, community services, law, criminal justice, medicine, education, religion, the media and mortuary science, who are interested in learning more about survivors of homicide victims and the aftermath of murder.

Problems Of Survivors

Isolation, helplessness in a world that is seen as hostile and uncaring, and that frequently blames the victim. Feelings of guilt for not having protected the victim. The memory of a mutilated body at the morgue, how much did my loved one suffer? Getting back the personal belongings of a murder victim. Sensational and/or inaccurate media coverage. Lack of information. Endless grief. Loss of ability to function on the job, at home or in school, etc. The strain on marriages (frequently resulting in divorce), and the strain on family relationships. Effects on health, faith and values. Effects on other family members, children, friends, co-workers, etc. Indifference of the community, including professionals, to the plight of survivors. Society's attitude regarding murder as a form of entertainment. Financial burden of medical and funeral expenses. Medical expenses for stress related illnesses and professional counseling for surviving family members. Financial burden of hiring private investigators, etc. Public sympathy for murderers. The feeling that the murderer, if found, gets all the help; survivors of homicide victims have few rights. Outrage about the leniency of the murderer's sentence. Disparities in the judicial system (frequently punishments for property crimes are as great or greater than the crime of taking a human life). Anger over a plea bargain arrangement/agreement. Frustration at not being allowed inside the courtroom at the time of trial. Unanswered questions about the crime. What happened? Unanswered questions about postponements and continuous delays throughout the trial. Bitterness and loss of faith in the American criminal justice system. After conviction, the long appeals process begins. Constantly reliving your story through the dreaded parole process. © 1995, National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, Inc.

Nearly 45,000 men, women, and children are victims of criminal homicide in the United States every year. As staggering as that figure is, it does not begin to indicate the toll of suffering that homicide extracts. If one estimates that each of its victims is survived by a minimum of three loved ones for whom the violent death will produce deep and bitter grief, the annual casualty rate escalates to over 130,000 individuals. And if one appreciates the intensity and duration of the trauma suffered by these survivors, we can conservatively estimate that we have in our midst over a million wounded and scarred Americans, all victims of the murders of just the past decade.

Next month's article will be on "Who are the Survivors of Homicide" and "Common Reactions to Homicide" . Please join us again to learn more on what changes to expect in your life as a survivor and/or how to support a homicide survivor. Until next time...

Karen McCombs
In Memory of Jamie and Ashley

To Learn more about "P.O.M.C.©",
The National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, Inc.
please visit their site:
P.O.M.C.©