The Byer Family Resource

Funny Classified Ads

Lost: Small Apricot Poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. ***** Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. ***** For Sale: An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. ***** Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too! ***** Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. ***** No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent. ***** For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy. ***** Great Dames for sale. ***** Dog for Sale: Eats anything and is fond of children. ***** Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it! ***** If you think you've seen everything in Paris visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere and Chopin. ***** Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. ***** Sheer stickings, designed for fancy dress, but so seviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. ***** Stock Up and Save! Limit: one. ***** Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it! ***** Man, honest. Will take anything. ***** Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! ***** Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play. ***** Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included. ***** Our bikinis are exciting! They are simply the tops! ***** Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere else again! ***** Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business and be willing to get hands dirty. ***** Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. ***** Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. ***** Mother's helper -- peasant working conditions. ***** Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. ***** Illiterate? Write today for free help. ***** Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. ***** 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. ***** Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 ***** We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. ***** Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. ***** Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours. ***** Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. ***** For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. ***** Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. ***** Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential. ***** Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. ***** Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. ***** We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. ***** And now, the Superstore -- unequalled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. *****

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