Some people don't realize that love is a
skill that can be learned. Of course I'm not talking about the feeling that most
people call love but there are ways to cultivate that feeling.
"I felt pretty good until she came along." "He's always angry
about something." "The problem is that she cares too much." "They are
so full of themselves." "He can't see beyond the end of his own nose."
Have you ever heard statements like that? Have you ever said them? God
forbid that any of those things should be said about us! The truth is that the world
is full of people like that and most of them don't have a clue. What the world calls
love is mostly selfishness.Newborns are
naturally self absorbed. We all start out that way but hopefully, in the process of
time, we grow up a little. If you are taking the time to read this page you are
probably a person who cares. Caring is a good start.
Life is full of questions, but when all is said and
done, one question will stand above the others: "Did you learn to love?"
Love is a skill that can be learned but it takes God to put it in our hearts. The
first commandment is to love God. How do we do that? Time is the coin of love.
Give God some time. Loving God involves asking, waiting, and refusing
to give up. That's where we get our self esteem. Then we are equipped to love
others as ourselves.
The first skill of relationship is to be polite to the
people who, by reason of circumstance, have to live with you. This may sound
elementary but it is really profound. It involves actually seeing another
person. It requires thinking of others and how they perceive the things we say and
do.
For those who don't get it yet I will state it like
this: act nice, whether or not your feel nice, and even if you don't feel better someone
else will. This principle is most rewarding at home. Perpetual pleasantness will get
you farther faster than bullying, complaining, tears, accusing, ignoring, or any other
kind of manipulation. It's really not about who is right or wrong. It's about
cultivating love.
Relational skills require learning to communicate.
We may think we are communicating one thing but the other person is understanding
something else. Communication is a skill that can be mastered.
The following principles can be applied to all kinds of
relationships but are meant for the ones that are closest to our hearts. It is time
to discover what our true values are. Look inside your heart. If quality
relationships are valuable to you then you should find these concepts valuable.
Special thanks to John and
Jeanna Gilman
for their class on love skills.
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