I am a man who talks about emotions and relationships until wee hours of the morning, cries at sad movies, writes poetry, and always leaves the toilet seat down when I'm finished. This, of course, means that I will never get a date. But that's perfectly okay, because I am a professional Platonic Male Friend. It's a fascinating field to be in, as you will always have young women to talk to about any topic you can imagine. See a good movie, read a good book, want to contrast and compare Eliot with Pound? Just show your platonic card and one of your female friends will gladly sit down and discuss it over coffee. A Platonic Male Friend has a lot of responsibility - he is the one the young women will come to when they are feeling badly about their current boyfriend who has not called in a week, or when she has poured out her heart to him and he can't seem to mouth the words "I love you." The Platonic Male Friend must help her through these hard times, comfort her, reassure her that she is definitely a fine individual - smart, attractive, engaging, certainly deserving of both calling and loving. Hug her, dry her tears, buy her a soda, and pretty soon you'll have her back together in time to make her next date with the non-caller. Perhaps you studied Platonic Man in anthropology - somewhere half a million years ago, Cro Magnon Man and Platonic Man split ways, the evolutionary agreement being Cro Magnon Man would engage in romance with Homo Sapien females, while the Platonics would stay up waiting for their return and talk them through the hard times of their relationships. It is not a bad role at all, and no one in their right minds has ever complained about having friends. But there is a radical train of controversial theory developing among some of us, a revolutionary idea that is rocking the foundations of Platonic Male Friend society. I am risking my membership in the organization even by writing this to you all, but it must be known - there are some rebels among us who entertain the idea that, if, as we are always told by our Platonic Female Friends, we are sweet and conscientious and the "nice guys" they always wish they could have found, then perhaps - just perhaps - they might consider looking in the most obvious place the next time they are seeking romantic companionship. I'm neither a psychologist nor human behavior specialist, but chances are that moonlight strolls, late night movies, and even kissing (or more) would not in any way destroy our ability to talk about our feelings, or discuss Robert Frost over Diet Coke and pizza. Would intensifying a Platonic Friendship to new levels feel awkward? Perhaps. But how does it feel when your boyfriend won't let you see your friends, or honks the horn instead of ringing the bell, or tells you that you're not dressing sexy enough? If all "nice guys" who act like mensches are immediately relegated to Platonicdom, the dating pool becomes quite stagnant and smelly. Wouldn't it be great if your paramour was your best friend as well? We are not asking much. We have cared for you all along, wanted what is best for you, laughed with you during "Seinfeld" and cried when Old Yeller passed from the canine coil. Imagine a boyfriend who did all of that, and if that sounds appealing, then you might want to give your Platonic Male Friend a second look.
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