Theology of light (bulbs)


This was e-mailed to us. Meant as humor only.
Please don't take offense. None was intended.

E N J O Y ! ! !

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1. How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one since his/her hands are in the air anyway!

2. How many calvanists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on. Or ...
Calvanists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray
the light bulb will decide to change itself.

3. How many baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
CHANGE?????????

4. How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between
light and darkness.

5. How many pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against
the spirit of darkness.

6. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One ... but for the message of light to continue,
send in your donation today.

7. How many fundamentalists or independant baptists
does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one because any more would be compromise and
ecumenical standards of light would slip.

8. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
At least ten as they need to hold a debate on whether
or not the light bulb exists.
Even if they can agree upon the existence
of the light bulb, they still may not change it to keep from
alienating those who might use other forms of light.

9. How many anglicans or catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They always use candles.

10. How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change
a light bulb?
One, but soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

11. How many episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to actually change the bulb and nine to say
how much they liked the old one.

12. How many united methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against
the need for a light bulb. However if, in your own journey, you have
found that a light bulb works for you; that is fine. You are invited
to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship
to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb
Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions.
Including: incandescent, flourescent, three-way, long-life and tinted;
all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.

"Act as though everything depended upon you;
and pray as though everything depended upon God."
(Ascribed by someone to Susanna Wesley,
the mother of Charles and John Wesley)

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