1. CURL UP AND DIE:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband
and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
M.L., Seguin TX
2. PAD PLEASE:
An insurance man visited me at home to talk
about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a
lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to
follow as best I could, so I told my 6 year old
son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed
me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
K.N., Salem, NC
3. HO, HO, HO:
I was taking a shower when my 2 year old son come
into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran
for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well
that I had copies made and included one with each of our
Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the
picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a
closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked
to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!
No Name
4. LADY GOLFER:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for several minuted, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he
could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think
I like playing with men's balls."
C.C. Ferndale, MI
5. NUTS ABOUT YOU:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet red and walked
away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget it.
F.E. Ellerslie, MD
6. PRICELESS:
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she
finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items
had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker
got on the intercom and boomed out for all in the store to hear,
"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom,
DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU
POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
No Name
7. MOM'S ADVICE:
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was
squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed
and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was
quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.
He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion
at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him
sitting at this desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you
to call your Mom!" She screamed. "I did," He said, "and she told me that
if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.
No Name
Tallie2's Cup-Of-Coffee