Funny things



A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."

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On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

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A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

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A Sunday School teacher told the story of Adam and Eve in the garden, and how they disobeyed God and had to be driven out of the Garden of Eden. Then she gave crayons and paper to her little ones and told them they could draw a picture of something in the story. One little boy drew a car. In the car was a man in the front seat, and a man and a woman in the back seat. The teacher tried to think of why he would have drawn a car. Finally she asked him, "Could you tell me about your car?" "Sure," replied the little boy, "This is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!"

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A mom was standing outside the bathroom while her little girl was taking a bath. She was touched because the little girl was getting ready to baptise her dolls. She heard her say," Now I baptise you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Hold your nose." ;-)

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A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively. "I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."

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On vacation with her family in Montana, a mother drove her van past a church in a small town and pointing to it, told the children that it was St. Francis' Church. "It must be a franchise," her eight-year-old son said. "We've got one of those in our town too."

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A Sunday school teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring back their letter the following Sunday. One little boy wrote: "Dear God, We had a good time at church today. Wish You could have been there."

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Bouncing out of her first day in nursery school at Mount Moriah Presbyterian Church in Port Henry, New York, a three-year-old girl gleefully informed her mother: "We had juice and Billy Graham crackers!"

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Rev. David A. Stammerjohn, pastor of Laboratory Presbyterian Church, Washington, Pennsylvania, spent a week at the Synod school with his two children. The school's theme focused on Moses and the Exodus. When they returned home, his five-year-old daughter excitedly greeted her mother: "Guess what, Mommy. We made unleaded bread!"





You Know You're a Mom When:

• Your feet stick to the kitchen floor ... and you don't care.
• When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.
• You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly following the sound -- until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
• You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
• Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
• Popsicles become a food staple.
• Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
• Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.
• You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.
• Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back after you suck the dirt off because you're too busy to wash it off.
• Your kids make jokes about burping, farting, pooping, etc., and you think it's funny.
• You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer who calls and HE hangs up on YOU!
• Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
• You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet ... you still manage to gain 10 pounds.
• In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet, and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.
• You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
• The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice krispie bars.

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