But God was merciful. He brought Weigh Down Workshop to my church in
1996 and I watched as women slimmed down and grew drastically in the
Lord. Deep down I was envious and wanted that miracle in my life too.
So in Sept 96 I joined the WDW, but I joined with doubts, and self
centered intentions, my depression imprisioned me and I was blinded to
the truths that Gwen taught and I REFUSED to eat less food and
wondered why I was not loosing weight! Rebellious child! But I stuck
with it for 2 years, I knew it was God's will for my life, but little
did I know how he was molding me and changing me from the inside first.
The beginning of my second year, my friend Elaine joined WD, she lost
70 pounds, after her first 20 pounds, I was at her home for lunch and
faciciously(?) said, "serve me what you would eat" when she brought me
my plate I Laughed out loud! It was a miniscule amount of food, she
sat and ate her portion very slowly, as I went back and got a
bigggggggerrrrrr serving, plus seconds. By the time I had finshed my
full plate, Elaine was still working on and enjoying her very tiny
serving...that was an eye opener, but I still rebelled.
My depression had escallated, to the point where I was numb, I don't
think the medication was helping anymore cause I just didn't care. My
daughter got married last year and I didn't even cry...when she moved
away to Germany, I didn't even cry...I felt like a zombie, and wanted
to die. I sought out counciling at the Family Life Counciling Center
and found out alot about myself, she kept me on the medication cause
we had some garbage to sift through, but the most important thing that
I learned was my identity in Christ. I am a child of a King! That made
me a Princess! Cool!
I started to read all I could get my hands on about depression and the
drug that I was on and found out some startling facts about the prozac
family! I was so scared, cause I had depended on it as my savior but
in all reality it was distroying me and my family and I wasn't going
to take it anymore! So I gathered my praying friends, called the Dr.
and he advised me as to how to wean myself off of the drug. April 2,
1998, I threw myself at God's feet and committed myself to eating His
way and the process began, I fell in Love with Him all over again...I
drenched myself in Praise Music, almost 24 hours a day, soaked myself
in His Word, ate less food and occupied my spare time with Him in
prayer. I began by cutting my portions gradually down to about 1/4 of
what I had eaten before, eating on my children's old baby plates,
sipping between bites, chewing very slowly and savoring each and every
bite, cause you know the stomach can't taste the food anyway! When I
wasn't sure if I was full or even satisfied, I stopped anyway and
WAITED for the next hunger...it took practice, practice, practice.
When I failed, I didn't beat myself up over it, I literally pushed
that reset button and waited for the next hunger growl. The Lord has
removed 35 pounds off of this rebellious body, and I am at my proper
weight. But you know the most important thing I have concluded, I will
not use this program as a weight loss plan, it is a life/heart
changing plan! And if I didn't lose all my weight that woulda been
alright with me, cause my relationship with the Lord is where it
I will never look at a full plate the same, and will strive to eat as
a thin eater for the rest of my life. I can't say I have reached the
promised land yet, it is still a constant battle daily, but I see it
in view. The Lord has done so much for me in the last few months and I
praise Him for everything, including the weight loss.
I hope that the Lord will use this to help you or someone you know.
May God be praised as you strive to be obedient to him with your food,
as well as your life!
In the Wilderness on the road from Slavery to the Promised Land.
My Homepage: http://home.talkcity.com/SpiritCir/barnella/