(Joe's Chapel is not responsible for material in the above link)



My Personal Testimony

My name is Rhonda, and I have been asked to share my personal testimony with you. This is my story, from the beginning.

I was born on October 27, 1966 in Houston, Texas. My parents were very excited to have me join their lives. My daddy tells me I am his favorite daughter! I wonder if that could be because I am his only daughter? =) My parents became proud parents again to a baby boy born 13 months later. Now with the 2 children added to the family, we seemed to be the ideal typical American family.

My parents had both converted to Catholicism from similar faiths. They were determined to raise my brother and I up as Catholics by following all the sacraments and also by sending us to Catholic schools. We were indeed fortunate to be able to attend a private school. I am thankful to my parents for wanting us to receive the best education during those 9 years.

My parents struggled in their marriage. It seemed that they were always fighting. I never could understand why. I would blame myself for their troubles, even though I did not know what they were arguing over. I tended to blame myself for everything that went wrong. I wanted to find a safe haven, somewhere where I could find rest and not be around the turmoil. I often would resort to my bedroom and just stay in there.

My parents divorced when I was in the second grade. I was totally devastated, because we were the "ideal American family" but now, we were being separated.   All I could think was, "Oh no, what will my friends think?" I could not handle having a "different" family than my friends. I didn't want them to think terribly of us because my parents could not get along. It was just too embarrassing.

Growing up, I always found it necessary to know that I was accepted. I had to know that everyone liked me. I can remember going to Kindergarten one day so excited that I knew how to spell Popeye. That of course, was one of my favorite cartoons. My teacher had me spell it on the chalkboard. I wrote the letters, A P O. My teacher then explained to me that was not the way to spell Popeye, that is was the name of the producing company. My heart dropped 10 stories. I was no longer on a "I know how to do it" high. I was crushed! I had looked for acceptance from my teacher and had failed! That was one of the first incidents where I remember being a failure.

My desire for acceptance from both family and friends seemed to always be a losing battle.   It seemed my over zealous personality just did not want to be turned away. I tried and tried so hard to be accepted by others, only to be disappointed. I really never had any bosom friends. I grew up with a bunch of boys and the girls I did become friends with, were all considered the wrong types of friends.

At the end of my 2nd grade year, my father, brother and I had taken a trip to my grandfathers to celebrate his birthday. That weekend affected me for the rest of my life. I was playing with my cousins when we decided to go down to the basement to see what Nanee had stored down there. While we were down there, these 2 male cousins forced me to remove my shorts.   There I lay, wondering what was going on, not really knowing what to do. I somehow knew that I just could not tell a soul. It was a terrible experience. I put on a mask that weekend and never removed it until after I became a Christian. I had to cover up the pain and hurt that was inside of me. I could not let others know I was hurting for fear they would not like me.

Of course, my home life was not good. I struggled with my mother and could not get along with her. We ended up going to professional counseling for several sessions to no avail. By the time I reached the 4th grade, I could no longer tolerate living with my mom and desired to live with my dad. Both of my parents had remarried by then and I asked my dad if I could come live with him. I proceeded to go live with my dad until that marriage fell in shambles about a month later. I saw the last fight take place before my very eyes. I saw the marriage licensed shredded to pieces. I just knew that the troubles they had, was because of me. So I blamed myself for their divorce. I could go no where with out something bad happening.

I moved back in with my mom, and tried to get along with her. By the time I hit 6th grade, I managed to have all sorts of boyfriends from everywhere. It was nothing for me to have at least 2 boyfriends at a time. It made me feel special to have more than one. The summer between my 7th and 8th grade years, I had finally gotten to become the girlfriend to one of my step-fathers' best friends son. He was what I really wanted! He was older and he even had a car! That summer he came over while my mom was at work and we were in my bedroom when he decided he wanted to take it further than kissing. Again, I didn't know how to resist what was happening, but at the same time, I thought that I was special because, he chose me as his love. I will never forget my brother walking in and finding us. There was nothing I could do to prevent him from telling anyone. He told one of his friends, who told someone else, and then the next thing, the principal calls my mother to inform her what is happening. I managed to get out of trouble by saying this rumor was a lie and that I only said it because I thought "I will be accepted by others if I do this."

I managed to stay out of trouble until my 9th grade year, when I began to involve myself with alcohol. My step-father was an alcoholic and you would think that I would not have allowed myself to touch the stuff after what I saw him do after he was drunk.

I began dating a senior towards the end of that year. I was really something special! A freshman dating a senior! Whoa! One night we came home from a date, and like always, we stayed out in his truck and talked and kissed. He decided that he was not going to go home until he could go all the way with me. Again, wanting to be accepted, I allowed him to do it.

Little did I know that my step-father was peeking out the window watching all of this take place. Nothing was said until the next morning, and all I could do is deny it because I did not want to get into trouble. Later, this guy and I broke up and my whole life was now in shambles. I could no longer face the world. My mask was breaking and people were seeing the hurting that roared inside of me.

I called my dad, who was in Saudi Arabia at that time, and told him that I wanted to come and live with him. Within a matter of time, he moved back to the states and my brother and I went to live with him. I was now, in a place where nobody knew me and I could start over in my life.

Even though my new friends did not know what all had happened to me in the past, I kept a mask on. I tried to fit into whatever situation I found myself in and found myself not knowing who I really was. By the end of my senior year, I gave up on everything. I began to sleep around with my boyfriends and usually would find some satisfaction for the moment. But there was more that I was really wanting. I just didn't know what.

By the time I graduated from high school and moved to Tulsa, I found myself frequenting the clubs, in and out of bed with guys, in long term relationships that were very unhealthy and totally rebelling against my father. The grass was greener on the other side, so I thought, and I was going to attain it. Shortly before my 21st birthday, I moved out on my own. This new independence also brought along a more independent Rhonda!

My lifestyle remained the same until I was almost 22. At that time, my dad had just returned back to Houston after the death of his wife. I chose to remain in Tulsa with no family. This move that I made was one of the best moves I have ever made in my immature life.

During a trip back to Houston to visit family, I stopped at an old friends house in Dallas, and without me telling him what all I had been through, he proceeded to give me verses that pointed out the sin in my life and how God forgives. At that time, I knew there was something there, but I could not figure it out. Upon my return back to Tulsa, I was determined to find a church to attend. I ended up visiting Eastwood Baptist and there I met up with some people that I knew from college. Continuing to wear my mask, I decided that if I walk down this aisle during invitation, I too can be like one of those other people who call themselves Christians. I walked down the aisle not really knowing what I was doing. I accepted Jesus in my heart and was later baptized.

My life did not change much. I still sought for acceptance among the world. I even began to date a guy that was a Christian. I still sinned and looked for ways to polish it up. I really had not understood the true forgiveness that Jesus Christ gives.

I began to date a guy that was a Christian and I was just on top of the world. He and I were sitting on my couch talking about a time that my apartment had been broken into and I had all this stuff stolen. After this conversation, he looked at me and asked me if he could steal something from me. I asked him what and his response was a kiss. That one kiss that I allowed him to steal led us into the bedroom where we then slept together. I will never forget what happened after that. We came out of the room and he picked up my Bible and he opened it up to Psalm 51 and reading it and explaining to me how what had happened was wrong. Boy this was not good, I could not begin to see how if we just outwardly sin, and then go and pray something out of the Bible and how God would forgive us. It just made no sense at all.

The next 8 years of my life were spent in wondering if I truly was saved or not. I continued to hide behind a mask and to try and polish up my life to make it look good. I sought to do what was considered to be good deeds. As I sought these good things, I began to be accepted by people. They loved me because of my outward appearance appeared to be godly. They really didn't know what was on my heart. During this time, I spend time in group counseling trying to overcome the pain that I had from the rapes. I began to put them behind me and to face the pains that I had regarding my parents' divorce. These years were very tough on me. And because "God is not willing that any should perish", I believe He hung on to me knowing that He would some day be glorified for the things that I have been through. I searched for the truth. I knew that it was there, I knew it in my head, but not in my heart. I was trying to pay the debt that I owed for my sin.

I doubted the salvation experience I had.

In August of 1995, after overcoming an engagement breakup, I discovered that I had a cousin whose husband was starting a new church. Again, I needed a new beginning. I moved my membership to this church and begin to do the good deeds that I had always done. On October 13, 1996, while sitting in a church service, the pastor was preaching on the "Piracy of Praise" based on the book of 1 Kings 14:25-27.   I really don't remember what the sermon was about but what stuck with me was the fact that King Rehoboam had allowed the golden treasures in the in the palace to be stolen and then replaced them with bronze treasures. He had replaced the old treasures with a compromise, one that looked like the old. Through this illustration I saw how the golden treasures were pure and represented a relationship that was pure before God, it could bear the heat. Bronze on the other hand was hard to keep polished it could not stand the heat. It was a lousy substitute for the real thing.   I related the golden treasures to REAL salvation and the bronze treasures to a LOOK ALIKE salvation. I realized that the salvation I had taken 8 years prior, was one that looked like the real salvation. I knew at that point, that I could no long work to get my salvation and I could not be accepted by others to obtain my salvation. I had to realize that Christ Jesus paid the price for my sins, it was too costly for me. I had to realize that my acceptance in Him was move valuable than even my own parents. It was at that point that I humbly trusted in the Lord, as my Savior.

My life since that day has been full of joy. God has truly blessed my with His loving kindness and mercy. His grace is sufficient for all of my needs. I know that where men have left me before, He will never leave me nor forsake me. He has become my all in all. It is in Him that I trust. I have never doubted for a moment that day of salvation for me. I know whom I have believed. His truth has set me free indeed. "I am a new creation in Christ, the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I believe that God removed my past from me and has, by his grace, allowed me to be a virgin again. "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them - yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." I have chosen to receive this grace so freely given, so that what Christ Jesus did for me (and you) on the cross at Mt. Calvary, would not be done in vain. He died so that I (we) could have eternal life and be made complete in Him.

You may be here today, feeling like you have been a failure in life. God is here to pick you up and lead you on. We are all going to stumble, Christ did on the road to Calvary, but did He just lay there? No! He got up and continued down that road. He had a destiny, and that destiny was to pay the price for our sin. We too have a destiny.



To learn of your destiny, please click HERE to continue.