The Song Remembers When
Chapter Nine
DISCLAIMER: All BtVS characters belong to the wonderfully talented
mind of Joss Whedon. However I do own Riley's daughters and Sam the
nanny.
RATING: PG
COUPLING: Buffy/Riley
SUMMARY: A/U - Riley has left Buffy, and this is 10 years into the
future.
FEEDBACK: Pretty pretty please! I really hate to beg, but will .
SPOILERS: All of Season 5, and my own little universe.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Anne-Marie thank you so much for proofing this for
me, I appreciate it. Also thank you everyone who has kindly sent me
their feedback, it makes my day.
Riley let go of Evan's hand and went to his daughter. Immediately she
threw herself into his comforting arms and buried her head into his
neck. He knew that Hope had stopped crying, but like after one of
her nightmares she would need a little TLC from daddy. He looked down
at Jordan and smiled.
"Jordan, I would like you to meet your big brother Sean Evan Riley
Summer. And Evan I would like you to meet your sister Jordan
Elizabeth Finn." Riley would've loved to have been able put Hope
down o make the introductions, but at the moment that wasn't
possible. The two kids stood looking at each other, both it seemed,
were amazed by how much they looked a like.
"He looks like…"
"You," Riley finished for his daughter.
"Maybe daddy, but I was going to say you," saying this she walked
across the hallway and took Evan's coat from him and placed it on the
chair.
"Come on Evan. There's cookies in the kitchen." She stuck her hand
out for his. The adults stood watching how easily Jordan had
accepted him when they heard a little voice.
"Don't I get to meet him too?" came the muffled voice from Riley's
neck.
"I didn't think you were ready yet," Riley said, twisting his neck so
he could look down at her. Sheepishly Hope shook her head.
"Okay then, but I have to put you down," she nodded her head, and
Riley slowly put her down on the floor.
"Evan, I would like you to meet your other little sister, Hope
Christine Finn. Hope, this is your brother Sean Evan Riley Summers."
Riley suddenly realised how smart Evan was because he walked over to
Hope and took her hand in his.
"Come on Hopie. We're going to get some cookies." And with that the
new siblings walked off in search of the kitchen. The last thing
that could be heard was Hope's little voice saying,
"Stick with us, we'll show you around the place."
Hearing this the adults laughed, grateful for a break in the tension.
"I'm so sorry Riley, I … I didn't think what this would mean to
the girls," Buffy said, dropping her flight bag and going to him.
"It's okay, Buffy. This is the first time any of the girls have
reacted this way, and it's just taking some getting use to. Claire's
death was very sudden and hard for the girls to accept, particularly
for Hope. Hope and her mother were very close and I think she feels
kind of left out sometimes being the middle child and all. There's
also the fact that the other two girls look so much like me while
Hope's the spitting image of her mother. I think she misses Claire
almost as much as I do," Riley said, feeling emotionally drained.
Buffy wrapped her arms around him and held him.
"I know I'm not making any sense," he said, loving the feel of her
arms offering him the comfort he needed.
"It's okay Riley. It's okay to miss Claire."
Just hearing her say those words undid him. Since Claire's death
nobody had told him it was okay to miss her. Even though he spoke to
Graham about Claire all the time, well past midnight sometimes, they
had always talked about picking up and moving on and now here was
Buffy telling him it was okay to miss her. Suddenly all the pain and
sorrow he'd been feeling came to a head, and it seemed to explode.
The pain and pressure had seemed to magnify over the last couple of
days until he wasn't sure that he could manage another moment.
<What did I do to deserve this?! >
In Buffy's arms he tried to hold on to the thin veil of control he'd
been managing the last couple of days, but it fell to reveal the
tortured man behind it. He trembled and sobbed uncontrollably in her
arms.
"Buffy, take him into the library and close the door." Graham said,
indicating the door behind them.
"We'll keep the kids busy," Willow said, watching Buffy lead Riley
off to the library.
"I never thought..." Graham sighed, running his hand through his
hair. Willow watched him, realising for the first time that the crew
cut he'd worn for years was gone and his hair was much longer. She
smiled as she thought of running her fingers through it.
<Cool girl! Think of poor Riley right now! >
"I never thought about what this would do to him. I know he loves
the girls with his whole heart and seeing Hope so upset about Buffy
is killing him. The guilt he carries never goes away."
"Guilt?"
"Because of Buffy."
"He still has feeling for her, doesn't he?" she asked placing her
hand on his forearm.
"He's never stopped and that's what's so hard for him. Buffy was
always a ghost between him and Claire. If she'd have come back for
him when Claire had been alive I think he would have left with her.
I think Claire knew it too."
"He loved Claire didn't he?"
"Sure, but if she hadn't been preg…" and Graham slammed his mouth
shut. Willow stared at him in shock. Had she heard him right?
"He married her because she was pregnant?"
"Great Miller! Open mouth insert foot," he mumbled, mentally beating
himself up.
Willow grabbed him by the forearms and the pressure of her hands on
his arms snapped his head up.
"Graham?"
"Yes! Claire got pregnant when they were dating, so he married her.
It's not like he didn't love her or anything Willow, because he did.
He just didn't love her the way he loved Buffy. I know over the
years he'd grown to love her and they were inseparable by the time
Hope was born. We'd go on missions and we'd have to have it wrapped
up in a week so he could get home to Claire and the kids. He loved
being married and having the girls. But the whole time he was with
Claire, I know he thought about Buffy."
Willow listened to what Graham told her and she thought about the
woman Riley had married. It must have been horrible to realise that
the man you loved, the same man who told you that he loved you, loved
someone else more. Willow couldn't imagine what Claire must have
felt; knowing that she had never owned Riley's full heart and that
the only reason he'd married her was out of obligation. Maybe Buffy
had been right to keep the news of her pregnancy from him, but shaking
her head she knew that Riley had loved Buffy to death and their
marriage would have been so different.
"Please Willow, don't tell Buffy this. Riley's the one who needs to
tell her, not you," Graham's eyes pleaded with her.
"I've just made a huge mistake telling you this. It was a secret
that Riley had sworn me to. Please, don't tell Buffy."
"I won't say a word. Just think what it would do to Buffy if she
found out. Goddess! She had so despreately wanted Riley to be a
part of her son's life, but instead he walked away and got another
woman pregnant," Willow said finally grasping the whole picture.
"Don't you think I've thought about that?" He said, pacing the front
hallway.
"What are we going to do?" She said, plopping down the on the bottom
step of the circular staircase.
"We're going to let them figure this out by themselves, in their own
way and in their own time," Graham said, staring down at her.
"Right now I'm not sure they have all the time in the world to figure
this one out."
"I think you and I need to have a serious talk. There's seems to be
a lot going on here that we need to discuss, and that doesn't even
include us," he said, reaching out for her hand.
"We're an us?" Willow asked, smiling up at him shyly.
"I'm not sure," Graham said, glancing down at her hand in his.
Seeing her little hand in his seemed so right and he wondered what he
was going to have to do to keep it there.
"Come on. You take the kids down to the family room and throw in a
video and I'll let Mrs. Drake leave for the day."
"How about cookies and milk?"
"They're already having them."
"I meant for us."
"Ah. Remember the day when a well placed glass of milk and a cookie
could solve all of life's little problems?" Graham sighed as they
walked side by side to the kitchen.
"Yeah. Too bad cookies and milk won't solve all of Buffy and Riley's
problems."
"I know," Graham replied, taking one last look over his shoulder at
the closed library door.
______________________________________________________________________
Once Buffy was able to manoeuvre Riley into the library she closed
the door. Leaning him against the library door for support, she
looked for the light switch and turned it on. The rich room basked
in the warm glow of the wall sconces.
<Giles would love this place. >
"Riley, honey we need to sit on the couch," hearing her say his name,
Riley lifted his tear-streaked face to look at her.
"Buffy."
"I'm right here with you Riley. I'm not going anywhere," she said,
enclosing him in the safety of her arms.
She sat holding him, whispering words of comfort into his ear trying
to calm him. She tried to think back to all the times they'd been
together and she'd never seen him like this, even after Walsh and
Forrest's deaths. He seemed unable to stop the flow of tears that
coursed down his handsome face. He held her tightly and she was
afraid he that might crack a rib. She knew that she would put up
with the pain though, because being with him now was all that
mattered.
Slowly the sobbing seemed to quiet down and Buffy pulled back a
little bit to look down at him. If she hadn't known better, she
would have sworn he had cried himself to sleep he was so still but
she knew he was still awake. Looking down into his face she reached
out and caressed the side of his face with her hand, stopping to wipe
the tears away with her thumb. Opening his eyes he looked up into
her warm hazel ones and then closed his again.
"It's okay Riley. I'm here for as long as you need me. Close your
eyes and go to sleep," she whispered, as she urged him to put his
head down in her lap, brushing the hair back from his forehead.
"I must be dreaming if you're holding me," he mumbled, his eyes still
closed.
"No. I'm real, Riley." She smiled sadly at him, realising that his
face had seemed to age years right in front of her. Leaning her head
down she tried to kiss the wrinkles away on his brow. The intimate
touch of her soft lips made him sigh.
"You are really here aren't you?"
"Yeah I am," leaning down she kissed his forehead again, "I'm not
leaving you."
"Promise me," he said sitting up so they sat facing each other on the
couch. Reaching for his hands she held them in hers, admiring them
like she used to. For someone so large and powerful, his hands were
always so gentle and soft.
"I won't leave you Riley Finn, and I won't let you leave me either."
"I won't let my pride stand between you and my son a second time."
He said smiling weakly. Looking into her hazel eyes all he wanted to
do was kiss her. He wanted to feel his lips on her sweet ones again,
to feel her mouth open to allow his tongue access.
Staring into Riley's blue eyes she could feel herself falling into
their depths, getting lost just like she used to. In a trance-like
state, she leaned into him gently, touching her lips to his. His
lips still felt as soft as she'd remembered and she could smell his
cologne. Pulling back she smiled.
"You still wear Grey Flannel."
"Of course. You gave me it to me for Christmas that first year. I
wear it all the time."
"OK, confession time. Every time I smell Grey Flannel, I think of
you," Buffy's brow wrinkled in thought.
"You know I've never bought another man a bottle of cologne?"
"Really?" He said, doubting both statements.
"There's never been anyone else I've wanted to buy it for. Giving
perfume or cologne is very intimate gift." Buffy said softly as she
felt herself leaning closer to him with each word she spoke.
"Really," he replied, never taking his eyes off of her lips as she
spoke.
"Yup," she breathed as his mouth found hers again. The kiss started
off as a sweet exploration of familiar ground but as he felt her part
her lips under his, it bubbled into something far more passionate and
their tongues found each other. She was pressed against him
marvelling at how well she still fit against him, but the thought
quickly left her mind as his hands started pulling her turtle neck
from her pants. Her own small hands began to fumble with the buttons
of his shirt but then she pulled herself out of his arms trying to
catch her breath.
Riley looked at Buffy panting and slightly embarrassed. He'd pushed
himself on her; he'd wanted her so badly that he hadn't taken her
needs into consideration.
"I'm so sorry Buffy," he apologised, turning to look out the bay
window, knowing he couldn't look into her eyes.
"No Riley. It's not your fault. I wanted it too, believe me," she
said as she tried to reassure him.
"I'm not going to fall apart at your rejection, don't worry," he said
sadly tracing the pattern on the back of the couch.
"No, but I may when you hear the real reason why I've come here,"
Buffy's hand met his cheek, slowly turning his face so she could look
him in the eye.
Riley looked her into her eyes, trying to figure out what could
possible worry her so much. What could it be that had her fearing
he'd turn his back on her and his son?
"You're with Lindsay? Aren't you?"
"No. I'm on my own, I promise you that."
Suddenly realizing what she might be after, Riley felt as if she had
kicked him in the stomach with all her former slayer strength.
"You're serving me in person with papers for child support."
Maybe Graham was right; maybe she'd come after Evan's share of his
fortune.
"No, but I have come for something," she said, getting up from the
couch and walking to the same bay window Riley had just been staring
out of. For the last six months, 12 days and 4 hours she'd been
trying to figure out how to tell him this and now standing in front
of him, she only had one option and that was the truth.
"Out with it, Buffy," Riley said, clenching his jaw, afraid of what
she was going to say.
"Evan's dying, Riley."
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Riley felt the room
spinning. Buffy saw the look on his face and grabbed the trashcan
next to his desk. She ran back to him with only seconds to spare as
he emptied his stomach. He retched a second time, and a third before
he felt he could pull his head from the can.
"I did the exact same thing when Dr. Fields told me 6 months ago,"
she offered, handing him the glass of bottled water she'd poured for
him.
"Are you sure?" He asked, hoping she'd been lying to him.
"Wish I wasn't. I've had him to 4 doctors, 2 in California, 1 in
Chicago and 1 in New York. He has leukaemia, Riley. He has about 6
month to live if we're lucky," she could feel her own tears spilling
down her cheeks and she wiped them away with the back of her hand.
She always cried when she thought of how little time she had left
with her son.
"So what? Was this his last dying wish? To meet me?" Riley asked,
trying to let what she'd just said wash over him.
"Yes. No. Sort of," she said leaning against the desk behind him,
afraid to look Riley in the face.
"Well, what is it Buffy!?" Riley snapped, feeling frustrated and
angry at the way the conversation was going. "Was this your way of
getting back at me! Here's your son Riley, but don't get to attached
to him because he's dying! You're a real bitch, aren't you!"
"No! It's not like that!" She said rushing over to grab one of his
hands. Riley shook her off and crossed his arms.
"Did I hurt you that much? Are you that mean that you thought this
would be a great way to get even with me?"
"No! I would never do that to you! Riley, I need your help!"
"How could you need my help? Or is it my money that you're after?"
He snapped as he jumped up off the couch, trying to put as much
distance between the two of them.
"I don't want your money! I want you and your daughter's to have
your bone marrow tested to see if it's a match with Evan's. It's his
only chance Riley."
Staring at her hard, he asked the question that was running through
his mind.
"If you hadn't need me, would I ever have met my son."
"Riley it's not that straight forward…" That was the last he
heard from her as he slammed out of the room and out of the house.
"Riley!" She yelled through her tears. She raced out into the
hallway in time to see the front door slam shut. Dropping to the
tiled floor she cried, feeling like he'd abandoned her yet again to
face this alone.
"Buffy?" Willow asked, kneeing down beside her.
"I told him Will. He was so angry and I can see how scared he is,"
Buffy said, feeling Willow pull her into her arms.
"Shhh… he'll be back," she said, trying to soothe Buffy.
"You didn't see the look in his eyes, Willow. I'm afraid he'll do
something stupid." She cried hanging on to Willow for dear life.
"It's okay Buffy. I know where he's gone. He needs to grasp this for
himself," Graham said, bending down to take the slayer from Willow.
Carefully he lifted her into his arms.
"He said some terrible things, Graham. He thinks I did this on
purpose."
"I'll go after him in a couple of minutes. He needs to cool off a
bit. And you need to calm down too. You've had 6 months to deal
with this. He's had what, 5 minutes to come to grips with it?"
Graham said, placing her on the couch in the library.
"He needs to come to terms with it is all."
"You know?" Buffy asked Graham.
"Yes. Willow told me."
Looking up into his intense blue eyes, she saw that they were red and
had an unmistakably sad look in them.
"I've hurt him again, Graham," she whispered into his chest, afraid
that she'd pushed Riley over the edge for good this time.
The story continues in chapter 10
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