For those who are interested, and I can guarantee that not many of you will be, The Monster That Ate 3B is a really quite good play by Randall Lewton, and I just happen to be playing the Headmaster in it. I thought that I would waste a bit more of my time in typing up the entire script of our production of it, and a bit more of yours while you read it.
Actually, I've changed my mind. I'm not going to type it up, because it would take me a very long time, and it would be a criminal waste of my time while I've got my A-levels starting two weeks tomorrow, and finishing three weeks tomorrow. And, quite frankly, this play isn't really good enough for me to risk getting sued for violating copyright over. So let's just settle for an in-depth analysis of the bits I can remember.
We'll start with the rather poor jokes. The first one that comes to mind is one on the train scene:
TERRY: Oh look, we're getting into the mountains.
GEORGE: Oh yeah, I know all about them. They're the Andes.
TERRY: The Alps!
GEORGE: Well, where are the Andes then?
TERRY: At the end of the wristies.
Now, I ask you, was that joke strictly necessary? I know the play is supposed to be stupid - with a title like that, it couldn't be sensible - but this really is taking it too far. And we're not even going to mention the line about nuns having very dirty habits. That's just too stupid.
Next we come to my character, the Headmaster. Actually, we don't, because I really can't be bothered to carry on typing about a subject that has so little importance, so I'm going to end this article right here, especially since I have to be at a rehearsal for The Monster That Ate 3B in an hour and I actually have to go and get ready. I have to wear a pair of shorts and a T-shirt for this play - and that doesn't seem so bad until you realise you have to wear a pair of trousers and a white shirt over the top of that. It's very uncomfortable, all because Mr. Lewton decided to give the Headmaster only about one line's space of time to actually get changed. Well, thanks a bundle, Randall. Now, everyone, goodbye. I might return to this topic in a few days if I can bear it.