.More jokes!.
From: Eldeen
Subject: Fwd: Fw: THE GOOD NAPKINS!!!!!
Date: Sun, 12 Oct 2003HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!
This is a little story for all my friends to enjoy and hopefully give you all a laugh for Thanksgiving weekend...
THE GOOD NAPKINS!!!!!
My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet.
I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions" (her second mistake).
Now fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner... Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone.
Mine was to set the table.
When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter.
Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a ... "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.
"But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!!!"
.
Pass this on to Girlfriends who need a good laugh!
From: Eldeen
Subject: Fwd: Fw: How to Stay Young by George Carlin
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2003HOW TO STAY YOUNG
(George Carlin)1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, to the high country, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't send this to at least 8 people.... who cares?
From: Eldeen
Subject: Fwd: Fw: Cute
Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003
BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG... YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN. SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN And I HAVE A GUN WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY... I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY? DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES And last but not least: IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
From: Aubrey
Subject: FW: Father's Concerns
Date: Mon, 3 Nov 2003Father's Concerns
A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah, but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this, he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage firsthand.
A year later, the young man returned home, saying, "Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers," the son said. "It was a wonderful and enlightening experience, however, I must confess that while in Israel, I converted to Christianity."
Oi vey," replied the old man, "what have I done?"
So, in the tradition of the patriarchs, he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace.
"It is amazing that you should come to me with this question," said his friend. "I, too, sent my son to Israel, and he returned a Christian."
So, in the traditions of the Patriarchs, they went to see the Rabbi. "It is amazing that you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "I, too, sent my son to Israel and HE returned as a Christian. What is happening to our sons? Brothers, we must take this to the Lord," said the Rabbi. So, they fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty.
As they prayed, the clouds above opened up and a mighty voice boomed out, "Amazing that you should come to me with this problem. I, too, sent My Son to Israel..."