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Tru Luv Fanfiction |
Lashing Out
by: Rolymurp
Jen flinched as she heard the keys she’d just thrown slide off the table and hit the floor. “Every fucking time..,” she muttered under her breath, stooping down to pick them up.
“What’s wrong with you?” Jack asked, stepping out of the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and two glasses. He sat down on the couch and poured a drink.
“Nothing, I’m just cranky.” She looked up as she stood, furrowing her brow as she caught sight of the liquor. “I’m not drinking any more tonight.”
“It’s not for you.”
Her palm went to her forehead. “That’s right. You called Prince Charming. When can we expect him?”
“Not for at least twenty minutes. Plenty of time for us to get back to our earlier conversation.”
“What conversation?” She asked, sinking into the chair across from him and unzipping her boots.
“Oh, you know. The one where I ask you repeatedly what the hell Pacey was talking about and you feign ignorance nine times out of ten.” He breezily explained.
“I told you, Jack, I don’t know.”
“I’m going to consider that number nine. Now spill.”
“It’s nothing that matters.”
“Which begs the question, why are you keeping it from me?”
“I don’t feel like doing this. Pacey’s an asshole and he’s trying to stir things up. That’s all there is to it.”
“Fine. You tell me what he meant, and I’ll decide whether it matters. Of course, I’ve already figured out that it must be something bad, so that’s going to cloud my perception. Do you really feel like holding out on me? The more time that passes, the more horrible ideas will creep into my mind,” he said, the forced lightness of his voice and the mistrust in his gaze making it clear that he was no longer teasing her.
She pulled her legs up into the seat, arranging them Indian style, and spoke to her lap. “He was talking about something that happened in high school, senior year. Something he thinks would upset you.”
“Would it?”
“Probably. It might make you hate me.” She peered at him through her bangs and, seeing his calm expression, raised her head to meet his gaze. “It’s about him and Joey. And you.”
He nodded, folding his arms across his chest.
“You know that they got back together during Spring Break, the night that Joey and Dawson showed up. But they didn’t tell anyone. Pacey was trying to keep it from you.”
“I vaguely recall that.” Jack snapped. He finished his vodka and poured a second.
Jen winced and fixed her gaze on the glass, watching the clear liquor slosh around inside it. She paused to weigh her options; wondering if it wouldn’t be better to lie to him, then wondering how much longer she would be able to carry this secret around with her. It couldn’t stay buried forever.
“I knew.” She blurted out. “I knew they were back together before you. Before everyone. But I couldn’t tell you.”
Jack looked at the floor and replaced the bottle carefully before placing his palms on the surface of the coffee table. He took in a sharp breath. “When?”
“The next day.”
The words sank in for several silent moments. Slowly, he pulled his hands back to his lap and looked up into her eyes. “You said you were as clueless as me. I showed up at your door in tears and you called him a dick and you dragged me upstairs into your room…” He trailed off in a whisper, angry shock etched in his features.
“I couldn’t have told you then…you needed a friend, Jack. I-“
“You weren’t my friend that night. You weren’t then and you aren’t now.” He spat out bitterly.
“Jack-“
He held up his palm, cutting her off. “Don’t.” He stared at the ceiling to avoid her gaze as he took in several deep, slow breaths. When he spoke again, his voice was disturbingly calm and quiet. “I don’t want to hear anymore. I don’t want to talk to you. Leave me alone.”
Jen nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. She rose from her seat and started to move towards him, aching to make some sort of contact, but was brought up short when he turned his head away, dismissing her. “I’ll just go to bed. We can talk about it tomorrow.”
Dejected, she walked to her room, casting a few glances back at him as she went.
When he heard the door shut behind her, Jack reached for the bottle on the table again, pulling it to him and clenching his trembling fingers around the cool glass of its neck.
Jen shook her head and shoved against the mass of people in front of her, groaning in frustration when they refused to move. She was standing in a large building that seemed like a train station, but she knew it wasn’t Grand Central or Penn. It didn’t look like anyplace she’d been before and she had no idea how she’d gotten there, either. All she wanted to do was get out, and she couldn’t seem to do that. The place was packed with people, none of whom appeared the slightest bit concerned with their stagnancy or with her desire to move. When she attempted to squeeze between them, they simply shrugged at her.
“Jen? Jenny? Wake up, babe.”
She knew the voice, but she couldn’t see the person talking. It sounded like an announcement over the loudspeaker.
“Come on, Jen.” It was closer now, right in her ear.
She opened her eyes and slowly focused on the face in front of her. The face that was way too close to her. A smile revealing a straight set of bright teeth rested below a thin nose, its bridge decorated by a smattering of freckles. A large pair of green eyes sparkled at her beneath an unkempt tuft of dirty blonde hair.
Jen blinked groggily for a moment. “Corey?” She squeaked out.
“In the flesh, babe,” He replied, leaning down to nuzzle her neck.
“What are you doing here?” She demanded, squirming anxiously under his attentions. She started to pull back but realized that she couldn’t move. Glancing down, she saw that he was holding her arms down against the bed with light, but firm pressure. “Let me go.”
“Damn, you look good, babe. I haven’t seen you in weeks.” He whispered, kissing her forehead. “But I knew that sooner or later, temptation would get the best of you. I knew you’d be up for it eventually.”
“Up for what? What the hell is going on?”
“Come on, Jen; don’t be a tease. I’ve been nagging you and Jack for months, and you finally caved. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”
A chill swept through Jen as his words began to resonate.
Corey was a guy she’d met months earlier in a study group and dated briefly. They’d been seeing each other for a few weeks before she finally invited him over to meet Jack. After that dinner, after she’d cheerfully noted how well he’d hit it off with her best friend, she invited him to spend the night. She thought everything was going great with him. Then, just as she was drifting off to a blissful, post-coital sleep, he asked if she and Jack had ever had a threesome. When she tried to laugh it off, he told her he was bisexual, that he was very attracted to Jack and that he would really like to have sex with both of them. Their relationship didn’t last long after she emphatically turned that offer down, but Jack, unfortunately, had found a new fuck buddy. Corey popped in every few weeks, almost always within a few days of Jack and Pacey’s latest interlude, when Jack was at his lowest.
“I haven’t caved on anything, you deranged asshole. I said no months ago and I meant it,” she began struggling with him in earnest. “Now get the fuck off me before I start screaming and Jack catches you in here. You know he’ll kill you,” she warned, her voice trembling slightly. Even though she knew Jack would never permit this to happen, she had no idea where he was. He could be asleep or out buying cigarettes. Would Corey come in here and try this if there was a possibility of Jack discovering him?
He smirked again, further undermining her confidence. “I don’t think Jack’s going to be rushing to your rescue,” he sleazed, moving his head out of her line of sight. She looked past him to the far wall of her bedroom and saw Jack leaning there, watching them calmly as he puffed on a cigarette.
Jen opened her mouth and started to say his name, but stopped abruptly as the situation became clear to her. She rolled her eyes at him.
“This is sick, even for you, Jack.” She shook her head, annoyed. “I know you’re angry with me. I know you may never even be able to forgive me. But I can’t believe you’d stoop to lame scare tactics like this.”
“Scare tactics?” His forehead wrinkled up as he laughed bitterly, shooting a glance at Corey. “If only,” he said, plucking the cigarette from his mouth and dropping it on the floor.
She sneered at him. “So what? You’re going to stand there and watch?”
“Hardly,” he answered, grinding the discarded butt out with his shoe and moving toward the bed. He sat at the end near her feet and peeled off his tee shirt. “Wouldn’t be much of a threesome if I didn’t participate.”
Corey took this as a cue and leaned forward over Jen again, attacking her neck with wet, sucking kisses.
She held still, staring at Jack. “You don’t want this.”
He reached forward and grabbed the top of the blanket where it lay across her stomach. “I’m doing it for you, Jen,” he whispered, pulling it from her slowly. “It’s been a long time for us.” He raised his eyebrows, but there was no inflection in his tone. It sounded chillingly flat.
Jen watched him closely, genuine fear gripping her as she noted the dullness in his eyes.
“Jack, please,” she whimpered, blinking back the tears that threatened.
“Relax, Jenny,” Corey cooed into her ear, his lips moistening it as he spoke. A shudder of revulsion coursed through her as he release her arms to work at the buttons of her pajama top.
Jack’s eyes remained locked on Jen’s. “Why are you so upset? You remember prom night, don’t you?”
She closed her eyes and grimaced in response. Jack waited for her to open them again before continuing.
“How long had you been waiting for me to come to you, Jen? How long have you been waiting for it to happen again?”
“I’m sorry,” she gasped.
They stared at each other, not speaking; the rustling of her top as Corey spread the fabric apart the only sound in the room. Jen’s face crumpled as his mouth covered her exposed flesh, her eyes never leaving Jack’s, who continued to take in the scene impassively.
Corey broke away from her and looked at Jack in confusion. “Are you getting in on this or what, McPhee?” Without waiting for an answer, he turned back to Jen and brought a hand to cup her breast, positioning the mound in front of his open mouth.
Jack flinched at the sight, hesitating for a moment before getting to his feet. “No, I…” he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and selected one. “You start her off,” he finally said, moving towards the door.
“I’m sorry I’m not Pacey, Jack,” Jen called softly, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.
He stopped in the doorway, his back still facing them.
“I’m sorry he doesn’t love you. I’m sorry I can’t change that. And I’m sorry I can’t take his place.”
Jack turned to look at her as Corey curled his fingers around the waistband of her pajama bottoms and slid them down her legs.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated in a pitiful whisper.
The nausea bubbling inside him was overpowering. His hands clenched and unclenched restlessly at his sides as Jen stared at him helplessly.
“Stop.”
“Stop what?” Corey asked, his hands sliding up Jen’s thighs, heading for her panties.
Jack was behind him almost immediately, gripping his shoulder with a strong hand and yanking him back. “Stop.”
“McPhee-“
“Now,” Jack ordered, using his other arm to put Corey in a headlock and dragging him away from the bed.
Corey shrugged him off, irritation evident in his expression. “What’s the problem? This was your idea. You’re not getting me all worked up and then calling it off.”
“Just go, Corey.” Jack shoved him lightly. “Get out.”
Corey shoved him back harder. “Fuck off, McPhee. Just because you’ve suddenly got a conscience doesn’t mean I have to have one. I’m not going anywhere until I get what I came for.”
Jack’s fist struck Corey’s cheekbone with a dull thud, the force and unexpectedness of the punch sending him sprawling to the floor. He looked up in shock as Jack pounced on him, his arms swinging recklessly. Jabs connected with his stomach and face; he felt a wave of dizziness as his nose was hit and the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. Unconsciousness loomed and he didn’t fight it, thinking that it might be preferable to be asleep until it ended.
The pain stopped abruptly and Corey groaned, disappointed to be awake. He gathered himself off the floor and glanced around the room, catching sight of Jen, still half-naked, physically restraining Jack in a corner. Using a shirtsleeve, he wiped at the blood he could feel gushing from his nose and stumbled through the doorway, into the living room and out of the apartment.
As the door slammed shut, Jen released Jack and stepped away from him, reaching down to close her top. He stared at his hands, transfixed, before finally walking to the doorway.
“Jack?”
He didn’t answer. She listened to his receding footsteps as he made his way to his room and quietly closed the door.
“Jack?”
Jen lifted the pillow from her head just enough to steal a glance at her alarm clock, sighing at the numbers that greeted her. For the past six hours, she’d been waking up at almost hourly intervals, refusing to get out of bed until she was certain that Jack would be awake. She wanted him up and waiting so that he would have to start the inevitable conversation. She knew she didn’t have the strength to do it herself.
The apartment seemed ominously silent beyond her door and she hesitated, wondering if Jack really could sleep past one. Unwilling to wait anymore, she grabbed the fleece blanket from the chair by the door and pulled it around her shoulders like a cape as she twisted the doorknob and stepped out into the living room.
The room was empty, and it looked slightly different than it had the night before. The magazines were stacked neatly rather than carelessly strewn on the table. The sectional sofa had been straightened, the corner ottoman pressed up into place.
She padded slowly through the rest of the apartment toward Jack’s room, noting the similar cleanliness of the kitchen as she passed it. Jack’s door was ajar and she pressed it softly, staring in subdued shock at what she saw as it opened fully. She sank down onto the bare mattress and picked up the folded piece of lined paper that lay there.
I didn’t go to sleep last night; I just started packing, not even thinking about what I was doing or where I was going. I stopped sometime around four and walked into your room, but I didn’t know what to say to you. There’s nothing I can say. There’s no justification for what I did to you last night and there’s no way to fix it now that it’s happened. Which is why I’ve decided to go. If I stay around to talk to you, you’ll be compassionate and forgiving and it’ll only make me hate myself more than I already do. I’ve become a frighteningly angry and bitter person, and I love you too much to let you be around me another day. Please understand why I won’t be able to see you for a while. You’re still my best friend.
Jack
“Jen,” a soft voice crept into the bedroom. “Jack?” She cried, jumping up from the bed and rushing to the door.
Pacey watched nervously as she bounded into the hallway, her pace slowing as she caught sight of him.
“Get out, Pacey.”
He held up a key in his right hand. “I, uh, I found this shoved under Jo’s door this morning.”
“And you felt the need to share it with me?”
“It’s Jack’s,” he explained, setting it down on the coffee table. “I know it’s his, it has that red band around it.” She shrugged. “Why did he give Jo his key?”
Jen held the crumpled piece of paper to him and stood silently as he skimmed it.
“What did he do to you?”
She moved past him to sit on the sofa and spoke through gritted teeth. “You couldn’t just leave him alone, Pacey. You couldn’t go away and live your own life.” She paused. “You ruined him.”
“I’m sorry, Jen. I-“
“I don’t care,” she snapped, getting to her feet. “I don’t care if you’re sorry. It’s too damn late.” She strode across the room and stood directly in front of him. “I have nothing left to lose anymore, Pacey. So, if you don’t turn around and walk out of here right now, I’m going to tell Joey everything.”
“Jen, I swear, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean for-“
“Go. Now.”
He backed away, leaning down to place the note on the table.
“And Pacey?” He turned in the doorway to look back at her. “Figure out a way for me to maintain my friendship with Joey without having to be around you. Because I don’t want to see you anymore.”
The click of the shutting door was all it took for her bravado to falter and she collapsed, shaking with sobs, to the floor.