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| Blind Salesman |
|
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod
and reel. She doesn't know what type to get so she just grabs one and
takes it to a register manned by a Wal-Mart "associate" wearing dark shades. The woman says, "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all-around rod and reel, and it costs $20.00". She says, "That's amazing! You can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for -- so I'll take it." As the blind man begins to ring up the sale, the woman loudly passes gas. At first, she's embarrassed, but realizes there's no way he could tell it was her because he's blind and wouldn't know she was the only person around. He rings up the sale, and says, "That will be $25.50." She replies, "I thought you said it was only $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, $20.00 for the rod and reel, but the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is $2.50." |
| Bill, Hill and Chelsea |
|
One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the
living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great
news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington.
He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt." After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, I have fooled around with other women a lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him." Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this." Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her Mother and tell her. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," she complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother." Hillary just shook her head. Don't pay any attention to what he says dear. He's not really your father." |
| A married couple |
| A married couple
is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce." The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph. She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?" The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here." She asks, "What's that?" The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!" |
| Amazing Flying Turtle |
| Deep within a forest
a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached
the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted." |
| Teddy Bears |
| A man meets a gorgeous
woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The woman says, "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf." |
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