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| Avid Golfer |
|
A young man, who was an avid golfer, found
himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried
and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.
Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree directly between his ball and the green. After the young man spent several minutes debating how to hit the shot, the old man said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard and hit the ball, which smacked solidly into the tree and dropped to the ground about one foot from where it had originally lay. The old man remarked, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall." |
| Cell Phone Man |
|
This guy was in a bar talking to his hand. The bartender came to him and said, "I do not want weirdo's in my bar. I might ask you to leave." The guy said, "I'm talking to my cell phone. I got tired of carrying my cell phone so I had it imbedded into my hand." The bartender did not believe him, so the guy had the bartender dial a number and then talked into his hand. The bartender said, "How cool!" As the evening went on the bar got more crowded. The bartender looked up and noticed the guy was gone but his drink and cigarettes were still there. The bartender got worried and went looking for him. The bartender went into the bathroom and saw the guy on the floor with his pants down to his knees and a roll of toilet paper up his butt. The bartender asked, "Are you OK? Who did this to you?" The guy replied, "I'm OK, just waiting for a fax!" |
| 3 Bricks, and a Bomb |
|
A helicopter was ordered by the President
to go drop three bricks and a bomb on Iraq as a warning of what America
will do to Iraq's citizens if Saddaam won't get rid of his chemical weapons. As the helicopter was going to travel to Iraq the hatch of the helicopter was not securely fastened and the 3 bricks and a bomb fell out of the helicopter. The people in the helicopter were worried about the American citizens that might of got hit with the falling objects. So they went down to see if everyone was ok. When they went down to check on the people, they discovered a girl crying. The pilot asked, "Girl why are you crying?" The girl answered, "Because a brick hit my dad and he died." They took care of the girl and saw another young man crying. The asked the young boy why he was crying, and he said a brick hit his mom and she died. They took care of the boy, and saw a woman crying. The pilot again asked, "Woman, why are you crying?" The woman answered, "A brick hit my baby and it died." They took care of the woman and moved on. They came upon another young boy, but this time, the boy was laughing hysterically. The pilot did not understand why the boy would be laughing and asked him why. The boy then answered, "I'm laughing because I farted and blew up a building!" |
| The Worst Of The Worst |
|
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all
that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?' they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." |
| Can I borrow your dog? |
| A woman was leaving a 7-11 with
her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching
the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black
hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman
walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single
file. The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" The woman replied, "Well, the first hearse is for my husband." "What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women. "Could I borrow that dog?" "Get in line." |
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