My name is Kim and I am 30 years old. I did not always want children but then came a time 4 years ago. I started my own business and thought I would be able to have a child and work from home. After two years of fertility trouble and about 20 pregnancy test kits later we finally got pregnant. I was amazed, scared and extremely happy. I did not want to believe all that jive about your live would change forever. "How hard could it be I thought?", little did I know I had a hn child.
I was planning only taking a month off and working at home with him but only after 1 month I could not do that and after 3 I had to totally give it up.
My pregnancy was going great, no serious complications but it was annoying, I hurt all the time, was fat as a cow, was nauseous all the time, and by 6 months had trouble walking and it only got worse and worse. My son moved constantly making me sick, I felt like I was on a roller coaster for 9 months straight. Finally at 8.5 months my husband asked the doc about inducing since I was in so much pain. I had extreme pelvic pressure the whole time. He told us that if I did not go into labor by 40 weeks he would consider it. At approx. 38 weeks he told me he will see me in the delivery room soon, and he was right. My labor was here at last and I was so scared on what to expect. I had no contractions but my water broke so they did induce me after all. I had nurses telling me I was going to be in labor for the next 20-24 hours so to relax; I did not want to believe it. My son went into distress and only 7 hours later I had a new baby boy! I was one of those lucky women who went into labor and popped one out easily, no pain, no complications I thought this was the easiest thing and wondered what all the fuss was about. I looked forward to becoming a mother.
My first two weeks where great I could not of asked for a more precious son and nice recovery. I thought motherhood was great, except gaining all the weight. I was convinced I was going to go work, go to the gym daily, window shop, have the life I possible could only of dreamed of! My son slept all the time, he was so cuddly, he slept on me and my husband, he was quiet, I had so much energy, was feeling fine (except for the shakes and back pain I got after delivery). Little did I know on what was to come, I now wish I had taken more advantage of those first two lovely weeks.
After two weeks my son started to cry all the time, I was breast-feeding and he would only latch on for 2-3 minutes and then start to scream. He wanted to nurse every hour. I originally thought it was a problem latching on since they gave him bottles in the hospital because he had jaundice. He was gaining weight so the doc told me there was nothing wrong and I was being a worried new mom. He just kept telling me to let him cry it out for everything. I eventually knew there was something wrong, babies do not scream all day long, nor nurse every hour, my motherly instant just took in. After 2.5 months researching, trying ever formula while pumping, restriction diets I came to the conclusion he was allergic to milk. We started him on Nutrigen full time and he was a changed boy.
I then thought this was the end of the crying and fussiness but I was wrong. My son was able to roll himself over at 1 month since he was extremely fussy and irritable all the time. He had gas all the time, he wanted to be held in an upright position all the time, and he liked the colic position with us patting his back hard. I could not do anything to keep him happy. He would not sleep, I had to walk and hold him upright, not in the baby laying position, with only 2-3 hours of sleep this became hard, finally we tried the car rides. Boy, did it work and still does. Everything does seem like a big blur back then, probably since we all had no sleep. We would go for a car ride and blast the radio loud and it worked. I remember driving around for 1 hr some days and nights. Scary & dangerous! Try driving with no sleep! After discovering this, we came to the conclusion he loves vibrating things and bought the "sleep tight" unit for his crib to vibrate. Needless to say we still use it. We bought a vibrating bouncer and this worked at various times also.
My son soon became the uncuddly little boy we once had those first two weeks of his live. He wanted to be held upright when he was up, which was most of the time, but for feeding and sleeping he wanted to be alone in his crib and his bouncer. He would not allow anyone to hold him and feed him food or a bottle. He will never fall a sleep on me or anyone else, (still to this day). He would wake for 3 hours, eat every hour and only take naps for 20-30 minutes. We tried numerous of things for him but not much made a difference.
I was going crazy and did not know what to do, he hated his stroller, so walks where out, I bought the front carrier and that worked at times but lower back pain kicked in all day long, and it was still hard to accomplish anything, going to a store was nearly impossible, just to take a shower was an accomplishment, after about 4-5 months we bought the back pack and I then started to take walks, a walker with wheels worked great also, my son was very mobile and is very active, he always wants to be in control so I now had to adjust my days for him and to be one step ahead of the game. I tried being supermom at first until I just started to break down and cry with him all the time. Anxiety started to settle in. After discovering I needed something we could both do besides walking around the house, hearing him cry all the time and me going crazy. I started a mommy and me aerobics class at the YMCA. This was great, got me out of bed, out of the house, and I actually got to work out and hold him the whole entire class, and meet others, (I knew nobody since I had recently just moved to another state). I started playgroups and kept myself busy. I was still extremely tired and still did not realize my son was hn until after starting playgroups and seeing other babies and having to quit since they never called me back to a few.
I did not know what was wrong with my son, if anything, I kept thinking he had something medically wrong, I would constantly ask myself what I was doing wrong, all the crying, then came all the whining, I was convinced he hated me, I was always questioning if this is how motherhod is and boy is it hard! My husband and me constantly asked each other "is this what you expected motherhood and fatherhood to be like", we apparently both had better expectations of a quiet little baby just laying there and being cuddly with us. We constantly asked ourselves "what could we be doing wrong?" After numerous researching I found Dr Sears book and babycenter. If only I could of found these earlier. I was so glad to hear that there was nothing wrong with him and that he was just a hn child.
After hearing other mom's stories, I was so relieved. It makes me feel better just hearing other mom's complaints and their thoughts. If I where to tell anyone else my thoughts people would think I was a bad mom. I now look at my son a different way and I just started to prepare myself daily for things to do and how to stop his whining ahead of time. I recently moved again to another city and to have to start all over with friends and finding things to do, but I've since learned hope to cope in an easier way.
It did get alot easier as he got older but I'm not truly convinced it's any easier, it's just a new step. They become more independent and hn kids are suppose to be great kids throughout their lives and have a very good profession, maybe we have the future president on our hands? We still have a lot of challenges to overcome, his whining, his controllingness, etc.. etc? we still have to watch what he eats but he outgrew the milk allergy and is only lactose intolerant now and who knows maybe he will outgrow that. I'm relieved there is nothing medical wrong, I can see my husband's bad traits and mine in him, along with good ones, his personality is just starting to take control.
At the beginning I was mentally exhausted and now I'm just physically. I love him more and more every day and feel closer to him then ever. Sure at times I wish I had that "cuddly, model baby" that would just lie in my arms to breast feed or even play in a playpen by himself, but I look at my advanced, active and extremely observant and determined son now and wonder how I could ever wanted anything different! If I where to have a quiet little baby boy I would of never appreciated all these times he laughed and smiled, along with all the challenges we've overcome, I would of took everything more for advantage and I've learned to appreciate everything he does and who he is. My husband and me where not hn kids but (my husband has the personality of one), who knows maybe we received a hn child so we could learn to appreciate things more in live and to appreciate the fact that we've been able to have this little bundle of joy", nobody can answer this question except God but I would never of gave up everything else if it wasn't for him.
My son is 15 months now and is at that extremely cute stage! He laughs and smiles a lot now and makes it easy to forget all the endless days and nights. I once was going to get my tubes tied since I was convinced I was done having children, but as he gets older and older my mind does change at times. I am so very blessed to have him and love him more then anything in this world!
Eric, Kim & Dalton Kane (August 27, 1999)
Visit us online:
Kim & Dalton